OUR SITCH.....pray for us

[Lkyguy]

2 brit & sg THANK YOU sooooooo much
This web site is hope itself.
Its 3:45am & I didn’t think she came home at all last night but she is on the couch.... at least I know she is safe.
Not sure how to handle the kids, 1-hour a week w therapist isn’t enough, my 1st phone coaching is tonight...that should help.
She is showering herself with clothes/jewelry has a overnight spa visit planned ($$$$)..She has no money & has already ruined my credit, I have some financial insecurity to put it mildly I need to speak w an attorney. I am going to try and focus on my boys & me. All my symptoms are in complete remission, I am exercising daily/eating right, feel like a million bucks in every way other than this mess,(would be nice to get a good nights sleep) GOD has provided consistent well paying work for now & looks like through the winter (self employed) the funny thing is I AM ALIVE! I am feeling my feelings & dealing with it for the first time in my life. I feel as though I have been reborn anew. I have reconnected with my family & my support group in AA, OA & now this website:) my true strength is my total & complete reliance on a perfect GOD of my understanding (for the first time in my life). In-between the moments of sheer terror and bewilderment, I am getting rays of confidence & the feeling that I am supposed to be here. Yesterday I came home early & got all dressed up as dracula & went trick or treating with my 8 yr old. I haven’t dressed for holloween in years & I so appreciate being with those boys.
I love you all

[lizzy]

lkyguy,
I would definitely focus on changing you right now. You can't change W. I am trying to change me. I am glad W sees you are changing. My H is not showing and indication yet that he sees my changes.

Keep praying and have faith. I have been trying to do that, but finding it hard. It is good to know my family is praying for us now.

I agree that it is important to take care of your sons. It is very confusing for kids.

[Lkyguy]

I had planned a few days away by myself to fla to visit my dad...first WAW was angry that I didn’t tell her first, but now that she has been staying out till all hours every night,(and to her amazement I haven’t questioned her about it one bit although I terrifies me) I told her I was considering not going so I can stay with my children & she thinks I’m not going cause I don’t trust that she will go out for milk & not come home till midnight again (so true)she just text me that she had a talk with the boys about how she is finally learning to know & love herself & she realizes that the boys are the most important people in the world to her and that she is changing for the better and she is happiest when she is being their mom and that is where she is supposed to be but more important its where she WANTS 2 be and that they are her blessings..........I couldn’t hold it together after reading that....i am working alone so no one sees me sobbing... I want sooooo badly for her to say those things to me.. :(... deep down I don’t feel that its possible....I’m so fearful today....please GOD take the fear away so i may be here for my boys........

[sgctxok]

Great advice from Gregory Dickow:

So, when a thought comes, you have to take it captive. How do you take it captive? You have to bring something more powerful than that thought; you have to come against that thought with something more powerful than that thought. What is more powerful than those thoughts of fear is the Word of God.

The Word of God, the promises of God, is more powerful than any thoughts of fear or of “this is the last time you’re going to kiss your children” or anything like that. You have to speak the Word of God out of your mouth. "No evil will come near my dwelling place,” Psalm 91. Isaiah 54, “No weapon formed against me will prosper.” As you speak those words out of your mouth, they will captivate and subdue the thoughts that are coming against you.

Find the Scriptures against fear. 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind.” 1 John 4:17-18, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Those are some of the Scriptures that I would give you. Look those and others up and go from there. You can also find scripture confessions on our website that deal with this issue. You’ll be alright.

[Lkyguy]

Man did I just backslide...my WAW just overheard me telling my oldest that I will always be there for him & he doesn’t have to worry....she pulled me aside as she was walking out the door for the third straight night(she set the plate for another late night by saying how the meeting will prob run late then everyone will go for coffee)she said she thinks I am trying to paint her in a bad light by saying I will be there for him & not WE will be there for him (she is right) well I’m not TRYING 2 but it comes out that way because of the overwhelming fear that she has OM...This fear is going to kill me & my chances of being the man I hope 2 be...then i said some crap about how she is pushing me out & all this other dribble...she immediately said what about how you seem to have let go & are getting a life & all...i was at a loss.........not sleeping & feeding the fear monster....this is hard work/......I SHOULD have just said ...wow you are so right thank you for bringing that to my attention... will make the proper adjustment & that’s all.........

[Lkyguy]

just had my first phone coaching & boy was it GREAT!
I recomend it(spoke to jodi)
she told me 2 speak about our problems in nuetral terms not your stuff & my stuff but our problem....presume the partnership boy I have to try harder

Man did I just backslide...my WAW just overheard me telling my oldest that I will always be there for him & he doesn’t have to worry....she pulled me aside as she was walking out the door for the third straight night(she set the plate for another late night by saying how the meeting will prob run late then everyone will go for coffee)she said she thinks I am trying to paint her in a bad light by saying I will be there for him & not WE will be there for him.

I don't think this is a DB rule, so to speak, but I've come to realize that anything related to you and W has to be talked about as 'you and me', not 'us' - In her mind there is no us. On the other hand, for things she does care about (aka not us), like children, she will want to show a united front.

I think it is important to be straight forward with your kids - The unfortunate reality is that there may be a time where you one of you is not there for them, and they have to deal with just Mommy or Daddy for a while.

[Lkyguy]

My WAW is having a bad day. After my backslide yesterday I wrote her this note & left I in her car

I just wanted to say I did a poor job of parenting & more importantly a poor job of PARTNERING last night. Thank you for having the strength to point that out to me in a loving way. These kids are shell-shocked somewhat & need us to be the united front we are, for them. I see this so clearly now. Again GOD speaks to me through you & the love of our family. As far as the rest of the conversation, on how I seem to say one thing then act a different way. Things aren’t black and white. I am in a sea of change, being tossed about by fear & the unknown. The great roller coaster ride. The way I described how you have saved our children’s lives & ours IS the way I feel. When the HOLY SPIRIT is guiding my vessel, I must keep my hand off the rudder. I spoke to a friend yesterday who has been in a bitter divorce battle, he & his wife want each other dead. The wife’s new boyfriend tucks his children in at night in the house that used to be there home. The devil crept into my mind & tortured me yesterday. But GOD came to me in my dreams last night. I dreamt of kisses & conversations from the past. Felt the comfort of our family’s love & I know what I must do now. These boys will see & hear about us, we 2. There parents. I am here for this family in a big time way So don’t give up on me baby, You must find yourself & what you want & need in life. And all the while I will be here by your side as your partner & teammate.

she has accused me about the animosity shown to her from my sisters as being from me painting her in a bad light

she text me the "the evil one is working through me to alienate her from her children!!!.....OMG this is going from bad to worse!!! Maybe she is just battling her mood swings & guilt( i know how that feels).....

Correct me if I’m wrong but I have to keep my focus on ME & my life & detach from her with love, not feed into anything & let her have her bad day.....Please help....I got DR in the mail yesterday & am going to read now....will check back in later


Thank you

[Lkyguy]

^

[Lkyguy]

ok we cleared the air about the text, she misunderstood one of my text & thought i meant something very mean....so she spewed venom at me.....yuk
im supposed to be watching a video w the kids but I cant sit still because she told me she is going shopping w some freinds tomorrow far away & will be gone all afternoon & late into the night...obious 2 me she is seeing someone.
I have 2 focus on ME & my life and my life is my kids!
I am a great dad & need to delv more into being witht them & interacting in there lives. im just so terrified...
I tried to talk with my 8yr old tonight & say maybe you guys will be spending time with mommy & THEN daddy but not together..he looked scared to death....no no he said mommy said she wants to be with us! this is killing me.she wants to be with them but not me...