OUR SITCH.....pray for us

[Lkyguy]

she said we will wait till after the holidays & then draw up a seperation agreement...& we said there was & will be nobody else in our lives out of respect for each other till this thing is finalised BUT its obvious to me there first date was last tuesday when she didnt come home from work till midnight then couldnt stay away from him on wed when i was at therapy & went out for milk & came home at midnight again! thurs day she said her meeting would be running late then she was going out for coffee.......now she will be gone all day tomorrow.........I want to ask her if she is having an affair should I ???
or should I let it run its course & hope we have time left before sep/D?...can I DB while she is having this affair?
im so lost...I dont have a good block of time to read the book & with no sleep im just all over th place....forgive me

[sgctxok]

Try to keep on a peaceful even key. Fake it until you make it.

Let the affair run its course. Don't have your own. Don't necessarily be very predictable and boring, but don't go out and get revenge or start up something with someone else.

First thing...take care of yourself.

Sleep.
Walk.
Eat.
Breathe.
Relax.

When the drama starts. say to yourself Peace, be still.

Then let yourself be still.

Only act when the prodding comes from peace and stillness.
Not from drama. Don't react to that.

[Lkyguy]

My body is trying to acclimate to prozac & it getting worse before it gets better...that is a major reason why ive had a tough time the last few days...my wife’s obvious new fling doesn’t help either.......her lame scenarios of where she is going insults me.... I KNOW i have to let her go & focus on my life & family. I just can’t force myself to feel a certain way & control my thoughts and some of my actions & reactions, ...not since I followed the doctors orders & upped my meds to 20mg. Once I get acclimated i think I’m going to be soooooooo much better in all ways.

My body is trying to acclimate to prozac & it getting worse before it gets better...

You should give Prozac 4-6 weeks to have an effect - Maybe more if you're changing the dose. Unfortunately, it is not a quick fix.

Sounds like you need to put some distance between yourself and W. What would happen if you told your W that you were going out tonight with X, Y, Z and that you'd be back late? Does your W tell you stuff because you ask where she is going, or because she feels guilty or like she has to?

[Lkyguy]

I have a call in to md to discuss meds

I told my wife where she goes & who she is with is none of my buisiness any more & she lit up & now is out till midnight evey other night...she is so f*ckin selfish doesnt she see what this is doing to everyone in the house?....she is "in love"& thrilled & im devistated & the children look to me & are scared to death...I know i have to pull it together for them...keep the focus on my life (them) and im going to be ok so they are going to be ok..........but I just cant do it very well
she is upstairs getting all kjnds of pretty in a $130 shirt he must have bought her cause she is going on a date..........she told me & the boys she is going to a far away mall window shopping with some girls & dont wait up....the kids are sceptical & I know better.........


I feel so hopeless

I have a call in to md to discuss meds

I told my wife where she goes & who she is with is none of my buisiness any more & she lit up & now is out till midnight evey other night...she is so f*ckin selfish doesnt she see what this is doing to everyone in the house?....she is "in love"& thrilled & im devistated & the children look to me & are scared to death...I know i have to pull it together for them...keep the focus on my life (them) and im going to be ok so they are going to be ok..........but I just cant do it very well

It's easier if you just do something, rather than tell her what you're going to do - I think we're wired to automatically expect a response when we tell them, so we either end up disappointed and don't actually do it, or they become defensive and it's a lot harder to even get going.

she is upstairs getting all kjnds of pretty in a $130 shirt he must have bought her cause she is going on a date..........she told me & the boys she is going to a far away mall window shopping with some girls & dont wait up....the kids are sceptical & I know better.........

I feel so hopeless

It's tough - I remember once when my W had been out with 'friends' and she was changing for bed and she was wearing underwear I had never seen her wear before. I didn't say anything about it, but it doesn't take a genius to figure that out...

I would say that you need to start withdrawing from her and not say or do anything related to her activities... It might get her interested in what you're doing.

So when is your night out with the guys? Or are you doing what I used to do and try to be the doting father and stay home with the kids all the time in the hope that she'll appreciate what you're doing for her?

[Lkyguy]

I am being the doting father....I need to feel the love of my children now...even if it isnt the best stradegy
im giving up hope on recociliation
she is flying high on this infatuation & im hurting bigtime
the children sense exactly whats going on........
one day t a time

[Lkyguy]

My phone coach told me these kids are my success. They are me & my legacy, not the mess of my marriage. To step up to the plate & get involved in their lives, they need it & I need it. My wife thinks she is going to divorce all her shame and guilt over our marriage & what she did to us (she was close to my sisters before all the big problems started). The OM is her new drug, its going to make her happy, she has always put her drugs first & she is doing just that with him now. She left her kids alone to be with him. But the substances/behaviors we thought would make us happy (drugs/food/new things) never do, happiness is an inside job...but it may be years till that bares true....
Time for LRT? GAL for sure
Thank you all

[sgctxok]

Definitely have to give prozac awhile.

For anxiety: breathe in 4 counts, hold 8 counts, breathe out 8 counts. Do it about 3 times. (more if you need it)

You may be in for a long haul. Think of her as a friend. It's going to make you crazy if you think of her as your wife right now.

Choose peace when you have an option.

[Lkyguy]

long haul alright...the rest of my life. I stopped the meds they made me insane...I still have anxiety maybe when md calls me we can make a new plan. a friend doesnt do what she is doing she is not my friend, she is a sick woman.