Friends, I have a hypothetical situation/riddle for you to address...
If the WAS requested of a LBS to spend Christmas morning together with the kids' at the LBS' house so that they can both be there when the kids come out to see what Santa brought and the WAS appealed to the LBS to consider what was best for the kids and what the kids would MOST WANT on that day and if there was a discussion with the kids beforehand to discuss false hopes and expectations, what would a LBS do/think/feel???
Joooolie!!! I think most of us have been in this situation. Personally, I think it's just delaying the inevitable. For instance, next year, butthead may be M'd to OW. Is he going to leave OW on Xmas morning to come over and watch the kids open gifts? Probably not. Since you know that you and X are "never" getting back together, why delay allowing them to see "how it's gonna be?"
hypothetically I'd get a shovel and beat the living $hit out of his chicken$hit a$$ and the dig a hole, dump the slut in with him and cover them over...dust to dust...
now realizing that I might be overreacting and that it's what YOU'D really like to do too...
isn't it amazing that suddenly he's asking you to consider what's best for the kids? BASTID>>>>>> FTARD!!!!!!! What happens next year? Do you do this for the next 10 years or...it's not the worst idea I ever heard but it really is asking you to 'bend over' again...
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
and in retrospect that may have been a harsh response...F'TARD
It's not a bad thing to do but it's just so typical..."think about the kids"..."I didn't while I was screwing around but now let's think about the kids...."
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Real quick since I'm on the clock...he's asking this since he knows it's the only way HE would get to be with the girls on Christmas morning. I think it's almost COMPLETELY all about him, and almost NOT AT ALL about what the girls want. He has tried to play that card too many times now (i.e. trying to excuse something by conveniently packaging it as all about the girls). For example like switching the day cares to one more convenient for him.
Since the girls are going to have to get used to the situation at some point, and since there is no chance that you and X are getting back together, I would say no.
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
Then this morning, got into a chat w/ D6 about the D again. She asked if we could just un-D and I said no. We talked about how we both love her, but don't love each other. She said her dad loves OW and she is his GF and they are going to get M'd. And she wondered what it would be like to have a new mom. I told her when I get remarried, who would her dad be? And she said 'X'.. so I said when dad gets remarried, who will your mom always be? And she said 'you'. I need to be able to just let this sh!t go you guys and not let it yank my chain. I fully expect them to get M'd. And I am feeling so on a warpath lately.
Oh Jules, you are awesone for holding it together and speaking so well to D6. I would have probably stopped breathing and thrown up if one of my kids talked abut having a "new mom." I know how you feel about letting it get to you. I already feel like OW wants to mother my kids. They don't need a mother!!!!! She can do what she wants to the STBXH, they have to answer to a higher authority than me on that one, but back off of my kids!!!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Kev made some good points as did Queenie, and you certainly know how I feel. If this was truly about the girls then he would be home with them where he belongs(d). Unfortunately it's always been about numero uno.
You know Julie onetime I forwarded a letter from ex to a very smart friend from the board MichelleTW. Since I value her opinion so highly I asked what she thought after reading it and she said, "everything is about him and his needs". I would rank this right up there. I can also identify with his approach, always the nice guy!!! PULEEZ The trouble is that the "nice guy" in the end only every does what's best for him. You'd think by now he would do a better job of disguising who he is!
[quote] My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want? [/quote}
I know lissie... and it always seems to be when it suits him. Does the fact that D6 asks me multiple times each week if our family could be whole again indicate what she 'most wants'? You all are right... this is about convenience. And it smarts. But I will do due diligence and talk to my C about it next week. B/c I feel like so many of our interactions right now are gut-check responses to immediately say no. And I want to make sure that my reasons are in the right.
