Maybe not too complicated to understand

[Hurtin4certain]

Very good convo Mcc. I really liked your cool and calm approach. Its so hard not to tell them to just get the F out and never come back.

I really do think she will regret this decision, she hasnt even tasted what living alone and divorced is going to feel like.

Maybe this D needs to happen before theres ever a real chance at reconciliation? Continue to stay calm, remember, make her last thoughts of time spent with you as positive ones and guarantee you, she will feel the pain once it hits her that she threw all this away for some loser.

I really think you will have the upper hand in the near future.

[SingleAgain]

Very good convo Mcc. I really liked your cool and calm approach. Its so hard not to tell them to just get the F out and never come back.

I really do think she will regret this decision, she hasnt even tasted what living alone and divorced is going to feel like.

Maybe this D needs to happen before theres ever a real chance at reconciliation? Continue to stay calm, remember, make her last thoughts of time spent with you as positive ones and guarantee you, she will feel the pain once it hits her that she threw all this away for some loser.

I really think you will have the upper hand in the near future.

I do not believe it would get as far as divorce. She will buckle within a second at the first sign of responsibility. Wait until OM has to hear all her complaining and utter nonsense. Feets don't fail me now!

[Michael Mc C]

I can definitely see her taking it as far as finalizing a D. I just can't tell with her anymore.

From what I understand about him, and from what I used to know about her, neither one of them will leave their homes to take up permanent residence in another state (he's in VA, she's in NJ). However I can certainly see them thinking that travelling 8 hours one way every couple of weeks is a worthwhile venture - at least for a while.

These two knuckleheads (sorry, I meant mature and responsible adults) are falling over each other so hard that I wouldn't put anything past them at this point. Maybe they'll find a place geographically centered between both homes. Then my W could get up at 3:00 a.m. to drive up here to get our kids off to school in time. She can hang out playing online at her mother's house until the kids need to be picked up and then she could get back to "their" new place by 7:00 p.m. to be with him.

Not much time for a job and school but I'm sure he'll cover all expenses. Wait, he doesn't have a reliable car... damn, guess I'll have to pay for the gas and tolls with that plan as well -

Let me say one thing and it's not an apology in any way. I don't believe they are knuckleheads - I just love saying that word! I don't think either one of them is an idiot, of inferior intellect or in anyway touched in the head. They have been overwhelmed by emotions and do not have the ability, nor the desire, to pull themselves out of the fog.

Morals and strength of will may be an issue but these are intelligent people who are acting in a wreckless and irrational way. Their emotional responses to this situation do not excuse their actions but instead explain them. Believe me, I am a firm believer in there being no excuse for this (even if you are a knucklehead .)

I said before that I would not defend my wife for her actions and decisions but, to be fair, I also can't portray her as something she's not (although she seems to be doing that quite well on her own).

[Michael Mc C]

wow, stay off the board for a couple of days and I end up posting a ton in a single day...

She told me tonight that she has been so pleasant around the house because she's trying to remain on an even keel with me. No stress, no angst. Let's just pretend everything is okay.

"You know, the holidays are coming, we don't want to ruin any of that."

My response was "Yeah, except for that weekend you'll be away... I think they'll notice that."

[fightingirish]

My response was "Yeah, except for that weekend you'll be away... I think they'll notice that."

ahhh ya think.. sometimes I wonder what is in their brain!!

tal

[LL44]

How's it been today?

[LL44]

Wow, something is different about you today.......

[Michael Mc C]

First of all, I've changed my screen name here. No sense "hiding". Hello everyone, my name's Michael and my wife wants a divorce...

Of course with all the information I've posted here, plus the change of my name, she'll know exactly which posts are mine.

Wait. She'd have to be concerned about our marriage, I imagine, if she was on this site, so I guess I'm safe...

Actually, most of the day has been rough on me LWB. Barely any sleep just going over things in my mind. Nothing painful, just replaying the past couple of days looking from an objective view. It was actually kind of affirming for me. I haven't done a bang up job as a "by the book" DB'er but I have put up with an awful lot, I have learned so much about me and relationships and I have endured a lot pain in an attempt to preserve my family - I feel damn good about myself right now.

Since I didn't get any sleep though, I started the morning off thinking about the kids and how this will affect them. That ruined my day. Luckily on Wednesdays I go to a client site so I was not in the house with her all day.

On my way home, for some unknown reason, I became upbeat. By the time I got home I was feeling great. Could be sleep deprivation of course but I'm going to call it confidence!

I am not done with this marriage. Nothing has happened yet that I would consider unforgivable. I married my wife in order to love her and support her for the rest of our lives. As long as there is a chance she can be my wife, I will not turn from her or push her out.

With that said, however, I know myself and I know what I can tolerate. There is a line that if crossed will be hard to forgive. I've never had to deal with that before (PA) so I don't know if I can accept her as my wife if such a thing happens.

I pray that it does not but all signs are pointing that way. Her loss. If it does happen, she is choosing a low-quality, no-ball-having man when in fact she could have a top-quality, relationship-savvy guy like me, weighing 30 pounds less than I used to and living a positive life.

So, to answer your question LWB, I am respectfully cocky and loving it!

[LL44]

That's great, I love how your mood turned out. Very important for survival. Your wife is foolish to even try to push you away....

[Hurtin4certain]

Hey Michael... I totally know what you're talking about in regards to worrying how your kids will take this. When my W left, she took EVERYTHING (partly because I allowed her too because I was scared of making her mad and wanted to save my M, bad move). My D and I got home and the house was completely bare. I was absolutely floored! It hit me like a ton of bricks!

It was then that the denial could no longer be denied, she was gone. I immediately went into father mode. My D became EVERYTHING to me. She could only sleep if she had her head on my chest (she was 5 years old). I silently cried that first night as my D fell asleep. I spent the next several weeks (when my D was her mom's house) at the library reading books about divorce and children.

We enrolled her in counseling that really seemed to help her, I strongly recommend.

I feel for your kids, its not easy but if you can assure them that you arent going to abandon them, they will heal. Make sure you try and put on a brave face for them as when they see you sad, they really worry because the one person that can protect them isnt capable.

My prayers are with you. Hang in there.