Counseling is good just make sure to check his register as Hurtin said.It's going to be an opportunity to clear out your head and have a plan to deal with your feelings.
No matter what try to focus on your own preservation right now.
Has your H always not worked or was this just the case since you two got married?
Originally it was going to be both of us...but they advised that it might be best if I go alone first. He has no idea. I told him I have a meeting this afternoon. Eventually I would like for us both to go, but I have no idea how receptive he will be to that.
He worked when we first met. About 3 months later he lost his job. It turned out that within a couple of weeks I had to have surgery and he stayed to help me with recovery...it turned into him moving in.
He called this morning at 10am on the nose (it's a "tradition")...I asked him about a couple of strange phone numbers on my cell phone. Was I wrong to ask about that? Was I wrong to insinuate I had suspicions? I told him I was asking in case they were trying to get in touch with him for a job and misdialed my number by mistake...don't know if he bought that explanation or not.
It looks good and he is licensed. I don't know what to say to you about your comment to your H about the phone calls. All I can do is to tell you from experience not to "play games" until you talk to your C. Remember the 48 hour rule. Also it's not worth over analyzing things right now as you don't know the whole truth of your situation yet. It will just create fantasies that will prevent you from not panicking.Just take the facts you have and discuss with your C.
Thank you for your input too. I know you've probably heard it a thousand times but I'm so confused and it feels like I'm going in a gazillion different directions at once, but not really able to move, you know?
I'm trying to do what you all are telling me to do and it's hard. I'm sure you know that too. Over-analyzing is my specialty I think.
I'm trying to keep laughing...but it's hard. I'm trying to occupy my mind with work...but it's hard.
I totally understand you. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life too. I don't know if you are already doing this but read the posts of the great people in this forum. When I started to do it, I was empowered to control my anger on what was possible because of their examples. After some reading I started to calm down because I could change my mode from messed up to strategic thinking. That's why this is so great, it's been two months I am posting now and this is what helps me go through my bad days.
Yes, I've been reading...and one post today really got me. I think it was mcc_xfer. Wow, he seems to really have his mind in the right place.
I think my problem is life is going faster than I can learn everything I need to know right now. Does that make sense?
I think I need a flow-chart or like a recipe on how to handle this. I can read some things at work but I don't have time to devour it all. Reading stuff at home can be difficult because he isn't "supposed" to know yet.
I want to move forward and get started on making things right or better but I can't 'cause I don't know how yet.
I have no one else I feel comfortable confiding all this to...I spoke with one friend last night and a lot was brought out in the open (I was thinking it was practice for the counselor today). But I simply can't tell anyone else. I'm embarrassed (and why do I need to be embarrassed!?!??!) and ashamed. So, I let it all out here.
It makes total sense. To be embarrassed is normal. To feel unsafe and helpless also. We all feel like fools that we didn't see this coming. But keep in mind that you are not guilty for his actions. Right now you are asking yourself what you did wrong that produced his cheating.It doesn't matter if we were having problems in our marriages, it's not an excuse for cheating. You will learn that we can only be responsible for our own acts. The first reaction is to try to fix things right away.It will not happen, as you were told before it will take one step a time. The how will be built day by day. Think of this as crisis management. You have to make damage control and after you've done it you will be able to address the real problems. Take my example, I thought that just by asking him to stop right away, he would. If he had done it by then I wouldn't have the current trust issues because I could accept it just as one slip. Didn't happen. This animal has its own time. It's OK to have someone you can confide to but take your time before you tell more people of your acquaintance. You will feel better after your C appointment I am sure.
