Thank you Torchbearer. Those pics were from over a year ago, but they are still cute kids today. I so dearly love and have pride in my children. My son is truly gifted. He is in the first grade and is so far ahead in reading and math. His after school teacher is teaching him algebra, working with negative numbers and fraction arithmetic which he is comprehending quite well. He also is very good on the piano which he loves to practice. He is the one I worry about most as his sister I believe is more mature emotionally. I fear a divorce would affect him greatly.
I know that feeling you get when the kids ask when.... it hurts but I think you are doing the right thing by telling D that you don't know. I have 2 kds that ask me every day and I tell them the same thing..I don't know it could be a long time...no point in lying to them.
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
Again, Wow. You were a lot stronger than most men would be when they face this situation. You took the middle road between kicking her to the curb and being walked on. That's not an easy path. I personally respect you making that stand. Eventually I think she will as well, but she needs to work through some of this stuff.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
She is a bit of a procrastinator. I asked her last night if she had seen a doctor yet. No. I told her she better get on that quick. She also has been putting off seeing a dentist for months when she has no excuse.
I dont know if she is going to do anything about finding another place to stay come Sunday night. If she has not found something, I will suggest a motel. What should my plan of action be if she goes against my wishes and moves back in without having acknowleged that she has stopped the affair?
I think throwing all her stuff out on the street like this might be too extreme.
Kerry, I honestly don't know. I can tell you what I would do, but I don't know what the correct thing to do would be. I guess I'd let her stay, but reiterate that you aren't playing second fiddle, and the arrangement is only temporary while she finds an apartment, unless she's decided to break it off with OM and recommit to the marriage. I'd make sure that I was business-like, confident, put together, but not angry or spiteful. You are doing this because you think it's the best thing for everyone, not because you don't love her or are angry. You've done a good job of that so far. Maybe the time together, seeing you happy, confident, and put together will make her rethink things about you.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
My two cents is that you can't make her stop seeing the OM. I told my H that SHE meant nothing to me because it was only a symptom of our problems. So I never talked about her, I never asked him to stop seeing her. We lived in the same house after the bomb dropped and he continued to see her for 2 more months. By doing this, he was able to spend more time with her and eventually as you read in my posts, got to see the real her. She became demanding of him and they ended up fighting and he came to his senses and realized what he really wanted. He told me the sex didn't mean that much to him, it was the respect and niceness that she gave him at the time. Something our R had been lacking on both sides. I can't say this will work for everyone, but it seemed to work well in my sitch.
That photo under the this link was hilarious, don't we really wish we all could do that!!! evil laugh bwah ha haaaaaaa
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Letting her stay would allow her to see my changes, however, I have a bigger problem personally in that when she goes out and comes back late, I tend to worry too much. If she is out of the house entirely, I dont see her come and go like she is having a big party at my expense.
It would be funny if the OM has lied to her about his age. She says he told her he is 58, whereas, when I did the reverse phone number lookup upon discovery of our problem, I saw it show his age as 67 which is 31 years older than W. Hey, he could be both her future husband and father. Another thing she has told me about OM is that he admits to doing illegal things in his business of real estate development. I take this to mean that he probably greases the hands of city politicians.
Here is what I just posted on craig54's thread because he is in a similar sitch w/wife being out late at night...In my sitch, this was good db and had an astounding affect on my H.
Quote:
The last time my H spent all NIGHT out and came home the next morning, he came to find me where I was in the laundry room folding, and he stood there looking at me as if he expected a total vengeful attack, I simply hugged him and said "I'm glad you are home safe". That was all I said and went back to folding laundry. I do believe this shocked the heck out of him. I didn't cry or anything but that just let him know I still cared without pressuring him to know what he was doing. I didn't need to know, he thought he had his life in place at the time and was going to do what he was going to do, with or without me. I couldn't control that.
But I was shaking like a leaf after that, took all I had to remain calm and positive.
The OM sounds like a real winner! NOT! If he is devious in those ways then he will be with her eventually and she will get tired of it...Sounds like he could lie his way out of anything...yikes, scary.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
kerry, You've already told her that she can't do both things, I can think of one success story, Frank_D, who's wife stayed in the house while she had an A (I think I've got that right), so that can work. However, I think you've said and hinted a bunch of times that you've allowed her to pretty much walk all over you. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but letting her stay may make you look weak in her eyes and that's probably not attractive for her.
Plus, if having her in the house is going to cause you resentment and worry, it may backfire in the long run.
That's not much, but hope that helps a little.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
