Dom R, I couldn't help but smile. I understand your point of view however there is nothing diminishing in those tasks if someone chooses to do them, enjoys and feels they are important. So far we cannot say he is bored but if he is he didn't do anything productive to change it.
I am glad I am not that off on that then. My H goes through it sometimes too, friends as well, it's like if someone asks them what's their job and they don't have a social acceptable answer they disappear.
Have you noticed that when people ask who are you we immediately tell them what we do for living?
hurtandlost - I agree with your point about him needing validation. I wonder if this is something I didn't do enough or if the kind of validation he's looking for is something that has to come from within...his own self-pride kinda thing. Maybe my saying that he doesn't have to get a job if he doesn't want to or something is making him worse. This could get really confusing.
DomR- Yes, he's a "bored housewife". But I am not a work-a-holic! I am home every evening by 5 or so, we bowl on a league two nights a week. Oddly enough, we still hold hands, kiss, hug, touch, have private jokes all that...no one would ever suspect there was a problem. We haven't hugged since Sunday though now, because of my suspicions.
Oh, and yes, I also suspect he thinks I sent the email. I've left it alone and am now too afraid to check it again! LOL!
Sue- My husband has had many many many job issues in the past. And I think he feels the same way. I believe he has self-worth, self-confidence, self-whatever issues and it is now affecting EVERYTHING including our marriage. I can only hope he's willing to talk to a counselor too, when the time comes.
The counselor did seem to calm my nerves a bit (which I was doubtful would happen) and when I got home my husband and I had a long talk about things.
I told him I thought he was having some kind of on-line affair. He denied it.
I explained all my reasons for feeling this way and said that we have a problem in our marriage we have to fix. He has agreed to go to the counselor with me.
He says he will stop chatting online with the three women he admitted to talking to. He did give me their names and some background information.
At first I told him he had to stop talking to them...then I got concerned about making such an ultimatum. So I told him that although that is what I want, we would discuss it next week with the counselor.
I asked him a lot of questions and he gave me answers. Of course, now I have doubts I can trust him, and the answers seemed all too convenient...but he didn't seem to get angry or defensive or not say anything. In some ways it appeared to me that he knew he was caught, but couldn't admit it.
Regardless, for now, I'm more satisfied that we can move forward. That we can work on the problems and get our marriage back on track.
I am glad you are feeling better. I know you will have some trust issues but the fact he didn't get mad and agreed to go to C is a good thing and shows he cares about you and your marriage. And it's also good you feel you can move on and work things out. It's normal to feel gullible but give it a chance and try to focus on the good things now.
I feel lucky that he is so willing to do this, even though he says he doesn't think there's a problem. He told me he thinks joint counseling will work for us because we don't fight and argue...I was impressed.
But I really need to thank all of you here.
I feel a little like the boy who cried wolf. I may have gotten lucky and caught it so early, or I may have been letting my thoughts get away with me...but I do believe we have problems and I do think there was something going on.
You all have been such a godsend. I have been literally crazy the past two days and today I feel like a fog has lifted. I might actually be able to get some work done today.
I can't thank you all enough for the care and support you've shown to a stranger on a message board. Thank you.
I know I need help changing things too. I know it might be challenging and difficult at times, but right now it's a much better option than not doing anything.
We made a lot of plans (short term and long term) last night and we tend to procrastinate so we have to find ways to motivate ourselves. I'm hoping that somehow the counseling will help provide some of that at first (meaning we must reach a goal, no matter how small, before we see the counselor again). Later, it will become habit.
Again, I feel very fortunate...for my husband's willingness to make these changes with me...and for you all here who have helped so much.
