Each Day is New...

[SirPrizeMe]

To me "giving up" and "moving on with my life" means that I give up on her and hope for our relationship. I'm not ready to do that yet, but sometimes the thought that I could be happy with someone else is easier to deal with than the reality that I'm living through now.

You can choose to get a life without necessarily giving up on your marriage. You can choose to give up pursuit without giving up hope. I really like what Heimlich wrote:

Just because you move on with your life and start making decisions based on what's good for YOU doesn't mean that it's over.

Start living YOUR life. You're only in limbo because you allow yourself to be in limbo. Someone wrote a month or two ago that we all make our own prisons. We construct constraints on our actions based on fear -- of losing our spouses, of the unknown, of whatever your own personal fears are -- when all we have to do is realize that the door to the prison is unlocked. Open the door. Walk out.

Get a new hobby. Be cheerful. See a funny movie. You can still want to reconcile, even if you are happy. Wanting to reconcile does not mean you must be miserable.

In fact I think it almost goes without saying, to reconcile, you must definitely first be happy! Ironic, no?

[bhopeful]

I've been getting a life and am generally quite happy. Today is just a bad day. I know that my happiness has to come from within and it usually does. It just decided to hide today.

[JennyF]

Jenny,
To me "giving up" and "moving on with my life" means that I give up on her and hope for our relationship. I'm not ready to do that yet, but sometimes the thought that I could be happy with someone else is easier to deal with than the reality that I'm living through now.

B...I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way too and for some reason today was hard for me too. Either way, we've got to get through this even if we're ever going to be happy with someone else.

Winston Churchill said.."When you're going through hell...keep going"

You're doing a great job and so what if you had a bad day...I did too, I nearly broke down in the grocery store because I saw the men's deoderant and thought about how I won't be doing H's stocking this year.

Maybe we need days like this to remind us why we're here.
J~

[SirPrizeMe]

I hate days like that.

But keep going B, keep going.

[bhopeful]

Thank you all for your support yesterday. I ended up getting to a better place mentally in the evening and through the night. My weekly yoga class really helped towards that.

Because of some of the things that my W has said to me in the past week, I've decided to ease off of the LRT a little. Nothing drastic, but maybe initiate contact once or twice a week. Just a "wanted to check in and see how you are" type of call. So last night I tried it out with no expectations that she would even answer. She let one of her best friends go to answer my call! We ended up chatting for an hour. Not about anything in particular. It was like we were dating again! I made sure to avoid any R talk. I even tried to let her go a couple times and she wouldn't let me. She wanted to keep me on the phone. We even agreed to get together tonight to hang out and play guitar.

So, like I said last night turned out better than I could have imagined when I had gotten up that morning.

[Wooglint]

B,

That's awesome. I'm having a morning like you had yesterday. Woke up at 3 am thinking about getting a D. Where I would live, etc.

Sucks. Maybe my day will end like yours. I can only hope.

[bhopeful]

Woog, My day turned around because I made a conscious effort to make it positive. What are you going to do to make your day positive?

Keep the hope brother.
B

[Wooglint]

Does good scotch count? Just kidding.

Hope is brutal. My days seem better when I just accept the situation and I plan for a new life, including a better me.

I have a big day at work today and that will take my ming of the situation.

Funny, after I wrote that post someone who works for me told me how much weight I've lost and how good I look. I hadn't really noticed, but it brightened my day.

[bhopeful]

I came across a wonderful article on forgiveness.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

I think that we all struggle with it at times. Whether we are the LBS or the WAS. Both people need to forgive and be forgiven in order for there to be true reconciliation. For many of us here on these boards, the forgiveness has to start with us. This is very difficult and something that I struggle with. It is a process that takes time and patience. I am working my way through forgiveness, are you?

Peace,
B

[mako]

Thanks for the article B. Forgiveness is something I struggle a lot with. Some days I feel at peace and totally forgiving, some days I'm filled with anger and resentment and think, what's the point, W doesn't care anyway.

Forgiveness is a lot like DBing though--it's primarily something you do for you, not for your S, but with it may come the happy side effect of getting your S back. I think I'm going in the right direction, cause I want to forgive, it will just take time.