Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Did someone say cruise ship? With all this snow we're getting up here, a Caribbean cruise sounds like a great idea
Jeff...I will agree that your W is not close to wanting to come back to the M yet, but she is inching back. Don't let her excitement about the new house fool you. She will soon realize how much work maintaining a house on her own will be.
The choice on whether there will be a reconciliation or not will probably lie with you, and it is just that YOUR decision and no one else however be true to yourself when that time comes.
Anyone want to build a snowman?
Last edited by I_Still_Love_Him; 12/16/0707:45 PM.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Great job! Sorry that I have not been on here alot but not much to speak of. But I know exactly how you feel right now. Makes you feel good to be together and doing things for her, but also is one big grey area.
Hang in there!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
If you could not make love to them there would be a bounty on them.
W called today. D6 was sick with a cold but W really wanted to call about "the house". She made an offer. She was excited. She asked if the offer was a good one.
It was and I said so. Then she asked what did I think of the house. I asked what did she mean. She thought I went to see it! I said I did not and I did not record the address. Well, she made me get a piece of paper and told me how to get there!
She so wants to know she is doing well here. This is a big deal for her. Never bought a house alone in her life.
So I will go look.
I called her tonight to ask about the kids and after talking to them she got on the phone and sounded down. The builder made a counter $10,000 more than her offer. I reminded her the house has been open for almost a year and that she should counter back. That got her to feeling better. How many offers do you make, she asked. As many as it takes I said.
So my input is so important now. Makes me ill but it is okay.
Better she is like this than the alternative. She is trusting me again (a little bit) and that is good. And I have no need to *control* so all this is okay with me.
No, I don't expect her to turn around as far as the M is concerned. And as I have written before, I believe I am ready for a different future.
But as so many of you have pointed out, better to have a good R with xW than a bad one. I owe that to my kids and the woman I once shared my love with.
She's growing up. Remember, she had felt 'controlled' with you. Now she knows she can be herself, have her own independence as a person without being dependent on you for her support or her emotions. Now she is sharing her _big_ life experiences as a grown up does with another grown up. With you.
This is exciting to watch. This 'independent but also a partner' was that exact same thing my W had to resolve before she understood that she COULD be married to me and still be her own person.
Very exciting to see this change.
Especially since she could be sharing this experience with anybody. But she chooses to share it with you.
I agree with frank Jeff. It could have been an OM that she chose to do this with. She DID choose you. Positives...NOT in that early DB 'babysteps' thang...but in moving towards a better R for the future.
Quote:
better to have a good R with xW than a bad one. I owe that to my kids and the woman I once shared my love with.
Now THERE is a "BetterMan". You're setting the bar high for me.
Frank
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Jeff....just wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Hope you enjoy the true meaning of the season. Frank
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and thank you for your input in my sitch. I know you'll make your next year a great one!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
