Here's a recap of last night with my W. I think that it went well.
We started out just chatting for a bit and then got into a little bit of relationship talk. Some of it was hard to hear since she was telling me some more about why she felt like she had to leave, but I validated and accepted what she was saying. We probably talked for an hour or more. This is a big change from Saturday night where she basically pushed me out the door as soon as I got there.
Then we played guitars for a while. I made a few jokes and got her to laugh pretty hard. It was nice to hear her laugh and see her smile. She said that she was hungry a couple times during the night so far, so I told her that I would buy her some fast food. So we went out and brought some back to her place. We watched some TV while we ate and talked a little more about nothing much. Then she asked if it would be weird if we traded foot rubs. I said that I didn't think it would be, so we traded rubs. That's something that we used to do quite a bit, so it was like old times in a way. This may sound weird, but it seemed really intimate because she was enjoying it so much. She must have been feeling really comfortable and relaxed because afterwards she fell asleep with her head in my lap. We stayed like that for a while. I didn't want to leave. I could have stayed like that all night long, but I had to get home to the dogs. As I was leaving, she gave me a really looooong hug and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. Before I could turn away, she grabbed me and kissed me back.
She called me once I got home to tell me good night. And then she made a comment about wanting to come down and spend the night!?! I told her that I wouldn't kick her out if she did. But she said that it probably wasn't a good idea. I didn't argue or push, but was really happy that she was at least thinking it.
So that was my night. I feel really positive about it. I know that the next time that I see her things could be different again, so I'm just going to enjoy the feeling from last night. I ended up spending four hours with her and they were the best four hours I've had in the past 10 weeks.
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
This sounds so positive! You played this really well, I'm impressed. You got some intimate touching and affection and even a request for a night over!
As Jenny says, remember this time to keep you going through the tough days. Keep taking things slowly, which I've found is hard to remember when you start seeing such good things.
I'm happy for you. {{{GROUP HUG}}}
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I will be sure to remember last night next time I'm feeling down.
It is hard to take things slow, but I'm scared of pushing her away too so that really holds me back. I also have the GAL stuff that I'm doing that keeps me from pursuing her too much since I stay pretty busy.
Thanks for the virtual hug. I'm pretty sure that it's my first one ever!
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
The thing with the other man has me thinking. I don't think that they will ever be anything more than friends. Although they did date briefly over ten years ago.
She has lied to me about talking to him and seeing him while we were still together. She's always said that she doesn't know why she did that. She started hanging out with him a month ago and that's when she really closed me out of her life. He's gone over seas now and she's back to talking to me.
Last night when we were talking, she told me about how a bunch of her friends want her to go to Spain. This is where he is moving to. They would all be staying at his house and he would basically provide everything that they need once they got there. She would only have to buy a ticket to get there. She was conflicted as whether to go or not. She said that as a married woman she didn't think that she should be traveling out of the country without her husband. On the other hand she said that this would be a trip of a life time since everything would basically be paid for. I just listened to all of this last night and didn't really say much. I think that you all can guess how I was feeling about it though.
I don't want to play second fiddle to this guy even if he is just a friend. I feel like I want to tell her that if she wants a chance with me at all then she needs to not let him into her life. I know that I can't do that, so do any of you have a suggestion as to what I CAN do?
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Hey B... I'm not quite sure how you should approach this.
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She said that as a married woman she didn't think that she should be traveling out of the country without her husband.
I think this is a great sign that she said this...shows she still considers herself a married woman.
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I don't want to play second fiddle to this guy even if he is just a friend. I feel like I want to tell her that if she wants a chance with me at all then she needs to not let him into her life.
I think this is fair to say...but I think you just need to be careful about how/when you say it. I wouldn't say the "If she wants a chance to be with you at all"...I think you word it differently, this could make her defensive. I think you should only say it if it seems as though she is asking for your opinion...and if she is asking your opinion as her husband. And since she did say she is a married woman it would seem she is looking at it from that angle.
Do you get the feeling she looking for jealousy in you? Do you think she looking for you stand up 'fight' for her? J~
I thought about writing it all down in a letter and then letting her read it when I feel the moment is appropriate. This way I'll have all of my thoughts written down in a coherent fashion. I do see the positives in what she was saying. She's asked me if I cared when she first told me about it because I didn't blow up or anything. I did explain to her that it hurt badly to hear about it, but that I didn't think that getting angry would make anything better either. I sometimes think that she does want to make me jealous. Other times I wonder if she's trying to goad me into being jealous so that she could use that as a negative against me. I'm just very confused when it comes to this... And women in general. Thanks for you input Jenny. B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
B....once you write the letter...sit on it for 48 hrs before you give it to her. This was great advice for me recently. I posted the note and two days later didn't feel the need to send it. I was so g;ad I didn't!!
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She's asked me if I cared when she first told me about it because I didn't blow up or anything.
I don't know why...but it seems she is 'feeling you out' a lot...just my take. J~
