Each Day is New...

[bhopeful]

I was stuck in the little to no contact situation for a month and then seemingly out of no where she wanted to start talking to me and seeing me again. Then she wanted to start talking about her feelings and stuff and that really threw me for a loop. I think that it was my consistency and not pursuing that let her feel comfortable enough to get to that point. How long it will take to get to that point is different for every person, so be prepared for it to take a while.

Thanks for thinking that I did well. I felt like I did good. It feels good to know that I'm not being a doormat but that I can still be loving to her. What a way to start a day!
Peace,
B

[SirPrizeMe]

Wow, your story is really inspiring, B. I'm pulling for you.

I want to emulate you. Stay consistent!

[bhopeful]

Thanks Sir. I can't say that it's been an easy road, but I'm trying. Thanks for the support.

[bhopeful]

I think that my W might be starting to miss me... I called her last night because I said that I would. It was around 10PM. We chatted for a while about some things that are going on. Nothing in particular. After about a half hour she said that she was getting tired, so I said that I would let her go. Then she said that she was lonely and didn't want to go to sleep alone. I said that I understand, but I didn't know what to tell her. Then she asked me to stay on the phone until she fell asleep. So I did, and it was nice. I really miss her...

B

[Pudmuddle]

Then she wanted to start talking about her feelings and stuff and that really threw me for a loop. I think that it was my consistency and not pursuing that let her feel comfortable enough to get to that point. How long it will take to get to that point is different for every person, so be prepared for it to take a while.

Yes! Yes! Yes! She IS starting to feel better around you. I remember it throwing me for a loop too when my H just GUSHED everything out like a dam that just broke! I was stunned and gloriously happy at the same time. I continued to listen and validate everything he said and that behavior of his to talk to me keeps going!

Your last phone call to her was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes. To listen to her fall asleep...aww. I would say she is really missing you about now. But continue to take things slowly...I know it's hard when you start seeing such positive things. Good work.

[wawpioneer]

bhopeful,

I think that type of behavior out of our WAW is what we are looking for as a sign. It sounds like to me that she is missing you to some degree. I don't know what that means but it is positive. Great little story that choked me up a little too. Keep the positive moments going and keep heading down the tunnels with cheese. Good luck.

[bhopeful]

Thanks WP.

So to add to the positives, my W started IMing me today and we chatted a while about her car needing tires and her wanting to volunteer her spare time and some other things. It all seemed pretty positive but nothing out of the norm. She said something interesting to me in reference to her need to borrow money from somewhere and me saying that I was sorry that I couldn't help to pay for the tires. She said "i did this all to myself. it's what i get". That floored me some. I just told her not to get down on herself and moved on.

The conversation continued for a bit and I was feeling really good about things, so I asked her what she was doing for Friday night. Her response was "Nothing. Why, did you want to do something?" So I asked her out for dinner and to hang out. She accepted and now I have a date for Friday...

Then she suggested that we get our winter clothes on and go to the beach to take some "fun photos" and "be silly in the snow". I said sound like fun and I'll bring my boots.

I don't expect to be anything but a good friend to her right now and she's making it pretty easy!

Thanks to all who read and contribute to my little saga. I really appreciate you all. Keep the hope alive.
Peace,
B

[mako]

Hi B,

Just want to chime in and say it looks like you're doing a great job, balancing being there for her but at the same time living your own life and not jumping at everything positive.

Your story gives me some hope, as I'm about to go through the road you traveled--detaching, GALing, and letting her initiate when she's ready. I'm hoping to use this time to get to a good place for myself where I am feeling positive and happy with life, yet still have the door open...I know it won't be easy, but seeing others do it let's me know that DBing can get me to where I'm ok no matter what happens.

Good luck and keep doing what you're doing, it seems like it's working.

Then she suggested that we get our winter clothes on and go to the beach to take some "fun photos" and "be silly in the snow". I said sound like fun and I'll bring my boots.

I don't expect to be anything but a good friend to her right now and she's making it pretty easy!

That sounds great! Remember to just take it slow, but be playful and exciting for her. She's obviously missing you a lot and is really needing you around. You'll probably find it really weird - I've noticed that my friendship with my W is much stronger than it was before the bomb. It's not perfect by any means, but we do so much more together than we used to.

Do you two have any Christmas plans together?

[bhopeful]

Thanks Brit. That's my plan. I'm generally a pretty reserved person, so a 180 for me would be to be much more outgoing and stuff. That's actually one of the things that I've worked on during the separation and I found that I like being more outgoing. So hopefully she'll see it and like it too.

As I was writing this, she just sent me an IM... "well... i'm looking forward to seeing ya on Friday"

No Christmas plans, but I do plan on buying her a thing or two. I pretty much live day to day right now, so we'll see what the next couple weeks hold.