I thought all had been going well. My W said she was planing to meet up with her best friend during the Christmas break at some mid point. She also said that we were going as a family out to dinner at one of her better friends Thai restaraunt this Sunday evening.
Today (Saturday), she came home with D5 this evening and I took S7 and D5 to drive to Chuck-e-cheese to play games. On the way there, D5 told me what she did that afternoon and that was to go over to OM house and then the 3 of them all went and had their toenails done. She also said that the OM (she called him by his first name and said he was mommys boyfriend) was kissing mommy quite a lot. D5 told me that he even gave her a kiss. S7 said that he had met the OM at his house a week before. I became both heart broken at my first knowlege of a PA (from my own kids mouths) and angry that my W had broken her agreement to me that she not introduce our children to any men she was dating.
I decided to call W and ask her why she introduced our kids to him. My timing of the call was unluckyly bad, because she told me that she just got off a call with her mother, with whom she had not spoken for over a month, and that it was their worst talk ever. I did not get an answer from her, but more anger directed at me because I told her that I expressed that I was hurt in my heart to our kids that mommy had a boyfriend. She once again said that she is probably going to want to get a divorce following the holidays. She also told me to not talk to the kids about my feelings. I told her I was never putting blame on her around the kids and that I cannot lie to my own kids or hide my own feelings from them. She said I am too honest and good. I told her I have our best interest of our kids as my top priority and do not want them to feel hurt. I said goodbye nicely and took the kids to eat Sushi and Chuck-e-cheese. The kids had a good time - I was mostly ok, but was feeling a bit down.
W called a couple hours after the kids were in bed. I told her that I had spoken to my mother yesterday at my brothers request since he already spilled the beans to my mom and my mom was hurting badly for me but would not call me. Long story short, my mother had an affair with my fathers best friend (now my step dad) 30 years ago and I really did not want to discuss my marriage problem with my mother who had failed us 30 years ago. Anyway, I expressed to my wife that my mother confided in me yesterday that 2 cousins of mine both had affairs and that their marriages recovered. I told my wife that affairs dont mean the end of a marriage and she needs to know that our marriage too could survive an affair. She said she did not know that but that she did not want to talk right now as she was at a night club and would like to talk tomorrow when she comes over to go out to dinner. I told her that I can understand why she cant talk now is because she is with the OM right now and we both said good bye.
I believe that my W realizes she is at the biggest cross road in her life this very instant.
- Her mother is so disappointed and angry at her
- Her friends say she is making a huge mistake
- Her acknowlegment that I am a great father and hornorable person that many women would desire.
- Her understanding that I feel our marriage could possibly survive her affair
- Her knowing that I will try to obtain custody of our children in the event of a divorce. She says she will hire the best lawyer, but I think she does not understand how it works.
- She has a new rich man that loves her and she possilby loves too.
- She has tremendous guilt and she has told me multiple times that she is a selfish B (low self respect).
It will be interesting what she has to say to me tomorrow. I will listen and validate, but other than that, I will not push an R from my point of view on her.
I realize that there is nothing I can do but think of my children and myself best interests. I she wants to file for a D, I will still DBing, but I most want to keep the kids with me. I dont need her. I do want her to be my wife if she returns to the nice woman she once was. I do want my kids to grow up under the influence of a loving mother and father that set an example of how to unconditionally love one another.
My brother told me how his last fight for custody went here in Oregon. His first one was with a judge and he lost, but things were changed 12 years later on his second one and it is now done with a counselor and no lawyers involved. The meetings that day were to go like this...
- He went in and talked with the counselor. - W went in and talked with counselor. - Child talked with counselor. - He and child with counselor. - W and child was to talk with conselor.
When his W talked alone with conselor, she threatened to kick the counselors a$$ if she did not decide for her. The next meeting was with an armed security guard before the judge that gave custody to my brother.
My brother says that he thinks I have a real slam dunk case to get custody.
I dont drink, thus, I never drive drunk. I may not have proof, but I dont know how my W can dispute me in having come home drunk and even driving the kids and I drunk once. I am very calm and collected when I talk. My W can raise her temper easily and is irrational. I have family nearby that can help with the kids. W has no family in the country. There is nothing that W could show as me being an unfit father. My W has not stayed at home for the last 3 weeks. I have had no problem with the kids. I spend all my free time with my kids doing all sorts of activities. My W can only think to take them shopping or to and from lessons. W has introduced the kids to OM while she is still unmarried and undecided whether she is going to get divorced. Nice example showing the kids that it is ok to have a boyfriend while you are married.
I still am a bit nervous as I dont think it would be a slam dunk custody in favor for me. My W has some pre-school teaching experience along with child development classes. She gets off work 2 hours earlier than me.
