Well today is our anniversary, and I'm trying to be strong, not cry too much, and definetely not to call him. Decided that I need to go with LRT, just have to see how it goes. Not contacting him is THE hardest thing but I understand the more I push the more he pulls away. ODAAT (one day at a time). Thank you all for listening (reading).
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
I hope your anniversary was ok and you weren't too down today. You're right, take it a day at a time...there will be lots of down ones, but with time it seems a little easier for the good days to come in as well.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
It looks like our sitch is pretty close although Oct 1 is the first time that my WAW really took any action. She said she was not happy after we were married a year but I foolishly told her that we had not been married long and that things will get better when we get used to living together and I get out of school. I guess it never got better for her. Hang in there. I am feeling intense pain too and I feel bad for you and others such as mako. We are all in this bad sitch and it seems for me that it helps to vent things out in these forums. I am sorry that you felt so bad on your anniversary. I hope that the next day will be a better day for you and us all.
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
Cudos to the LRT!!! I have not contacted him since his blow up Friday night about going to file, something that was very hard for me especially yesterday (12/2). Just after midnight he called to wish me happy December 3, (he said he wanted to wait to call until then). H sounded quite somber. Well I remembered LRT to be upbeat, and short with answers and I think he was astounded. He said, "Friday you didn't want me to get off the phone and now your pushing me off." I told him I was thinking things through and realized it's time to take care of me, something I hadn't done in quite some time. He asked what book I'd been reading, I said I wasn't. H said "well I'm going to take off my clothes and get into that big bed all alone," I didn't really respond. Then he asked me to come over. We got off the phone and I gathered my thoughts. I remembered in DR (pg 292), "If you're separated & he seems interested. . ., go for it. . .Sometimes being sexual reminds people of the love they have for their partners. . .Making love may be just what it takes to remind your spouse that your marriage is worth keeping" I did go over, had a romp, laid with him for a little bit, then left. No I love you, no I miss you, no R talk. I wished him happy December 3, he squeezed my hand almost to not let me go, I kissed his forehead and left. And I don't regret it. I actually feel great!
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
Wow. That is pretty interesting ggrl. I wish my wife would do the same for me. It has been pretty lonely. I am glad that you feel better. I also feel better when I have seen or talk to my WAW without talking about the R. I am curious though about what his attitude will be after your romp session. Please let us know.
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
That IS interesting. I'm glad you feel great, and I'm glad you left him seemingly wanting more. I'm also curious what he'll think now, maybe he'll start thinking of the good times.
One word of caution: I have no idea if this is how it will be, but it's possible that he is trying to get the best of both worlds--he gets the freedom of separation and can avoid the responsibilities of marriage, yet can get his sexual needs met just by giving you a call. If this becomes a regular thing it MAY be prudent to not accept all such invitations, to let him know that he can't just call you for sex and avoid the R otherwise (unless of course you are perfectly fine with that). I'm not speaking from experience, just from my gut.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Thanks all. Trust me I realize the importance of not jumping in the sack every time (as much as I'd like to) because that does give him his cake so he can eat it too. I'm going to stick to my guns of not contacting him and "wait and watch". I've decided to start going to the gym, which he's been paying for and I've never gone (might as well take advantage of that), and I'm going to look for a little part time job (could really use the extra cash). It truly is amazing how much difference you can make in your life in just 2 or 3 days. Good luck to everyone out there, and me too.
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
Well I stupidly drove passed the house on my way home from work (I have not had any contact with him since Sunday night - really miss him). I saw a woman getting into her car (he's a firefighter & he's on duty today). I sped passed, then went around the block, she was gone, so I went in. I was very close to calling him and freaking out but I guess she was a cleaning lady cause the floors were still wet. But I snooped anyway, I don't know why (I can't help it - guess I'm a glutton for punishment). Lucky for me I didn't find anything (don't know what good it would do if I did), except a spotless house. Glad I didn't call and over react and give myself away. Phew, close one.
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
"I am going to keep this short and to the point! I am a Philly boy by heart. I am who I am! My priorities in life are to make a difference and have as much fun as possible. Spontaneous would be the word to describe me. I need to be with someone who can keep up with me and give me a challenge. If you are looking for someone to treat you like royalty and know how to have fun then send me an email. Take a chance!"
I truly am a glutton for punishment. Well he's still on Match.com, here's his new bio, unreal - "treat you like royalty" that's a laugh, ha, ha! Sorry all just had to vent that out. I NEED HELP!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I HATE NOT HAVING CONTACT WITH HIM, I HAVE THIS NAGGING FEELING THAT I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING AT ALL TIMES. I'M DESPARATE, HELP!!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE, ANY ADVICE. . .
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
you are torturing yourself. are you masochistic? j/k but really, don't do that to yourself. You have to be happy to be you. He is obviously trying to be happy being him.
You only feel like you have to know what he's doing at all times because you don't have any idea, any control or any say in the matter.
i'm borrowing this from dh4320's thread, i'm sure he won't mind me sharing...
Originally Posted By: dh4320
The other thing my c told me is to stop obsessing. He said when you can stop obsessing on what the W is doing then you can be free to work on yourself. He says when you obsess your mind starts racing and all the negatives you are thinking your S is doing you will start to believe it and it makes you sick.
obsessing will only end up hurting you. be patient and DB like crazy. you can do it!
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
ann