Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 9

[IAChild]

Heim,

Her emails have gotten a little longer and less cold in tone over the past month, if that makes any sense. They contain more information.

Personally, I think you can chalk this up to a babystep, Heim! When things started to turn around with H2B, this is one of the ways the door opened...a little at a time, through longer and longer emails and im's.

Hang in there, dude!

And ditto on the snow issue. I was shoveling snow last night for nearly an hour and a half...still have 1 1/2" of ice under it, though. My driveway is a nice little skating rink!

[Heimlich]

Thanks, IA. I've pretty much developed the mindset that it's over for her, and in many ways for me too, I'd need to see some changes on her end. So, any positive development would be a pleasant surprise. Wierd to type that, but, it's true.

A skating rink, eh? Exhibit A of why I'll never move to one of those states in the middle.

BD

[Not Much Left]

Hey H!

[Heimlich]

Huzza for Nickelback. Good music to edit to.
BD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Thanks GD, Heim, IKC,

I guess bringing up "issues" outside of MC is pushing it and her. I think the best idea is to let her set the pace on this. Honestly folks, I am pretty thankful that we are where we are right now. Even W said we need to get family pictures done this year because we are lucky to still have a family!

Best,
--Chris

[PhD_ChrisD]

Thanks GD, Heim, IAC,

I guess bringing up "issues" outside of MC is pushing it and her. I think the best idea is to let her set the pace on this. Honestly folks, I am pretty thankful that we are where we are right now. Even W said we need to get family pictures done this year because we are lucky to still have a family!

Best,
--Chris

[Heimlich]

Things really are trending positive for you, Chris. Keep up the PMA and the patience.

Journal

Good weekend, all in all. Finally got a solid week of exercies in last week, so that felt good. Picked them up after my run on Friday, got a tree, visit to Borders because I just can't be close to abookstore and not go in (I need help), then to Petsmart to look at cats/fish. By then, I didn't feel like cooking, so tuna and movies -- The Blob (the original) and then, poor parenting on my part, Dirty Dancing (constantly torn about this, I was sneaking R rated movies -- Revenge of the Nerds, Animal House, etc. from the time I was 8. Lauren is older 9 and a half. With so many movies being borderline, hard to draw that line.) Anyway, had tried to put the tree up, but the stand broke.

Lauren had a Girl Scout thing -- bingo at a nursing home -- Saturday morning. Ran errands with Casey while she was at that, then took them to lunch at a brewpub -- fried mac and cheese bites, very tasty. Did a bit of Christmas shopping at two antique stores just next door then went home to cook and clean. Had called W for something kid-related. She called back, just asked her if she was doing anything fun. Said she was going shopping at Savage Mills (antiques/crafts). Asked her if she would mind looking at the pottery place for something for my Mom. Said 'NP.' Once there, she called and we talked through what was there and I picked something that she bought. Had friends over. Five adults and 4 kids leads to a packed apartment. Funny too, had to wash bowls between salad and then the chili -- not used to that. Anyway, good time was had by all. Watched Little Shop of Horrors with the girls, which we all really like. Bill Murray and Steve Martin -- awesome as sadistic dentist and masochistic patient.

Decided against going to museums downtown on Sunday so finally got a tree stand that worked (3rd times the charm), trimmed the tree. That was going fine until Lauren pulls out the ornament with our last name and then all four of our first names on it. Lauren had gotten really quiet, so I asked her what was wrong and she showed me the ornament, "Do you want to hang this one up, Daddy?" Oh, crap. Tried to explain that since we're not really that family any longer, it just didn't feel right to hang that one on the tree. Shortly after, she decided she didn't want to put any more ornaments up. Casey got a little upset too, didn't really want to hang ornaments. She disappeared and was curled up on her bed. Asked her if she was upset because we have two Christmas trees this year. SHe just nodded yes. Just hugged her and said everything is going to be fine.

That just blew my PMA for the rest of the day. W called, sounded happy, asked when I was bringing them over. Said after we go for a walk (they wanted to walk around the lake). Dropped them off, gave them both hugs and left. First time in I don't know how long I teared up. Ended up drinking a few whiskeys -- first time in a while more than one -- and staring at the TV until I fell asleep. Felt lonely for the first time here.

I want to tell W what happened, but she'll just see it as manipulation. I don't know if she's seeing any of this from the girls or if it's just me. I'm really curious as to how they'll be Christmas morning when I'm not there. And, yes, part of me wants my W's heart to break and see the pain that our separation is causing our girls.

BD

[Gone Dancin']

Hey Heim,

Man, I'm so sorry about your girls' reactions to the ornament sitch. That's really a tough one to deal with. I came across some similiar ornaments this year, and of course made me sad. Thank goodness my kids aren't older enough to read and recognize the significance of those things.

I want to tell W what happened, but she'll just see it as manipulation.

Probably, but why would you want to tell her? Based on what you said immediately after the above quote: "And, yes, part of me wants my W's heart to break and see the pain that our separation is causing our girls," I'm guessing that you want her to feel bad for keeping the family apart. Would that be accurate? Believe me -- I can understand the desire and the need to do this, but consider that it doesn't help to fix the real problems in the M. Also, I can almost guarantee that W already feels bad and that the girls do the same sorts of things with her from time to time.

Your doing an excellent job of taking care of those girls, brotha!

Roll on, Heim. Roll on!

GD

[Heimlich]

No, no intention of telling her, GD. Thanks. I know you're right, and I've thought the same things myself.

But, yeah, I do want her to feel bad about breaking up the family. Maybe not a healthy emotion, but an honest one.

Feeling back to detached after my pity party yesterday evening. That was just an unexpected emotional ambush.

BD

[DaveJ]

Heimlich, I know exactly how you feel. I get those moments with my S all the time. And I know you really wish the W would see this and you really want to tell her. But it usually just end up being the W feel like you are trying to guilt trip her.

However, I garantee you there will be moments when the kids will say things to your W when you aren't around that has the same effect. Eventually she will get it when she finally come out of her alien mode. I know the biggest hammer between the eyes for my W was when my S came up to us one time while the W and I were just chatting and he said "I want you guys to get back together" without anyone ever telling him anything like that. And he's only 4.

Just keep having a good time with your kids. When they are happy with you, they will miss you when you aren't around, they will let your W know. My S told my W "I miss daddy, I'm sad when he leaves".

Hang in there bro! The kids will appreciate what you are doing in the end.