Sorry to hear you are down. I'd take sort of a middle road. I'd call her, but be careful not to sound needy or lonely. Make sure you are in a positive frame of mind.
Well I called last night and she didn't answer. I tried to sound upbeat in my message. She hasn't called back. I'm so confused as to why she's suddenly cut herself off from me again. I guess now that I've put myself out there I have to wait. Love is patient... I have to remember and live that.
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I have experienced a little of this bounce back stuff...had 2 very enjoyable pleasant conversations then what felt like the opposite. I just think it's part of the process. Yo-yo...needs more time. Let her want to call you...you put the message out...now the ball is back in her court.
I can't help but think that the worst possible things are happening. I couldn't sleep last night. This yo-yo crap is so hard. I am scared of what she's going to say when she talks to me again.
I understand the "their world" concept. It just seems a bit defeatist to me. Maybe I'm just looking at it wrong, but to me it's like throwing up your hands and saying "I Give Up.". Maybe that's what it takes to really detach. I don't know what the alternative is though since pushing and pursuing don't work. I feel like I'm floundering here a bit...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Detaching is not giving up...to me it feels like not needing her. Like a self-confidence that I will be ok. Doesn't change what I want or how I feel. More of realization or acceptance of whatever happens with or without her. Hope that made a spec of sense.
When you left the message did you ask for any response on anything? Or was it just a hello, I'm doing fine, just called to see how you are doing type message?
Maybe she was just happy to get the message, wasn't in the mood for a chat there and then and forgot about it. Don't get too discouraged. If there is no response, then wait a week and throw out another line see if you get a bite.
If your floundering flip back to concentrating on you for a few days.
I feel like this is just the reality of the world we live in. Our world is our world, their world is theirs. We can't make them do anything...it really is their world, we can't really can't control them.
I don't think it's necessarily defeatist. We do have an impact. What we can do is make it as easy as possible for them to choose us over whatever else there is out there. I bet you could do some terrible things to ensure she never would come back...you can also do some good things that will help her decide she does want to come back. But it's ultimately her choice.
But you know all this, from seeing your posts on here you know what you're doing. I know it hurts, but you know in your head that what you were doing had some effect...she went from a 10 minute call once a week to spending a ton of time with you, she even had her ring back on at one point, yes? Maybe it was just too fast and then she got confused. But what you did worked once, keep it up, and maybe take it slower next time...do what works, don't do what doesn't...simple advice, but we all have trouble following it sometimes.
Hang in there...
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
WAWed, I said to call me back if she wanted to. She's not likely to forget, but then again maybe she is. Whatever though, I put myself out there and now I have to wait. I know that I'll at least call her Christmas Eve/Day to wish her a happy one. So I guess that I'll hold off on contacting her until then.
Mako, I could do some terrible things that would definitely end things. I choose to take the high road though even if it is harder to travel. You're right that what I've done in the past seems to have worked and I need to get back to that. I guess that I didn't like the "This is their world and we live in it" thing. I like your take on it better though. She's in her world and I'm in mine. My goal is to someday bring those two worlds together again. Until then I must enjoy my world to it's fullest extent.
Thanks for the input guys. I'm just having a hard time going from all of the contact that we were having to nothing for the past week. It makes me wonder WTF happened? I wish that I could ask her. I have to get back to enjoying my picnic (in reference to the castle analogy).
B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
HI B - I've been reading your sitch and as much as WAW behovior is typically alien to how the LBS would expect, i think I've read a lot that this happens. You have a good time, then all of the sudden it seems like you are back at square one. My best guess is you made her think. You've made all these changes and now maybe her reasons for leaving aren't valid or don't seem as vaild anyways. now what. does she admit to being wrong... heck no... maybe just wait it out and see what you do next.
I think you are doing great. You did have a good night. You left her a message and she called you right back for a short chat. You called her again and no response. You said she's been busy right? going to bed early. maybe she just hasn't had a chance. I know - no expectations, but the point is, you don't know why and you aren't psychic, so it'll only tear you apart if you dwell on it.
Hang in there. if she doesn't call by christmas eve, give her a buzz. you are doing really good. Everyone has hard days...
You are a good guy... be happy to be you.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
