Takin them as they come...

It's just that some comments that she's made in the past lead me to believe that she wants me to validate that I still want her. Almost like she wants me to pursue her, but that's probably not what's going on now.

I know from my own past experiences (before W) that e-mail is probably the worst medium to send anything remotely emotional - I think it comes second only to text messaging. You get this thing in your mailbox and you skim it to read it first, then you might sit and read it properly afterwards. Chances are she would feel overwhelmed by the content, even if she might respond favorably to a discussion along those lines when the time is right.

I wouldn't think about sending stuff like this to your W. You will know when the time is right to talk about things along those lines, when you are sure of the mood she is in and you can quickly and easily back out of the conversation if it becomes too much.

At least with my W, there are days when I instinctively know I can push a little, and days when I know it would blow up in my face. With an e-mail you just don't know what is in her head when she reads it.

That's my $0.02 on the whole subject.

[bhopeful]

Thanks Brit. I appreciate the input.

I like your point about email. If I really thought about it I would have came to the same conclusion. I'm just all hopped up on emotions right now and not thinking clearly. Thanks for bringing me back around.

[jmw128]

I think any communication, specifically your positives prior to this withdrawal, let it be known your position. She knows. Similar to my sitch in that I had 2 days of 30 minutes worth of pleasant and great conversation that felt like I was talking to my wife again. Then of course the cold shoulder and back to zero interaction. I don't need to tell her how I feel. Talking 30 minutes to her about anything is indication enough that I am interested. Her talking 30 minutes about nothing may or may not be something. I believe that your WAW knows what you want her to know because of what u2 have done recently. She just needs time to work things out in her mind. Your recent actions show her. No words will convey more than what you have already done.

Thanks Brit. I appreciate the input.

I like your point about email. If I really thought about it I would have came to the same conclusion. I'm just all hopped up on emotions right now and not thinking clearly. Thanks for bringing me back around.

Did you two set up any plans for the holidays?

[bhopeful]

No plans for the holidays. They were still a couple weeks out and we had been talking so much that I figured that we would get to it later. Then this no contact stuff happened. I plan to call her and wish her a merry Christmas. I'll hold off on contact until then.

I sent Christmas cards to her parents and grandparents since I still consider them family. Hopefully that doesn't rock the boat too much. I guess we'll see...

As a side note, I just noticed that she's logged into IM. I'm not going to write her anything, but this is the first time that she's been logged on in over a week. It means nothing I know, but I'm just observing I guess...

[JennyF]

Hey B,
Don't really know if I can add anything different that anyone else. I agree it's a good thing you didn't send it, but probably a really good thing you wrote it.

It must be hard for you after seeing so many positives to now be in this dark period of no contact. Hang in there though, you sound really good.
J~

No plans for the holidays. They were still a couple weeks out and we had been talking so much that I figured that we would get to it later. Then this no contact stuff happened. I plan to call her and wish her a merry Christmas. I'll hold off on contact until then.

Think she'll have anything planned for Christmas Eve or something? I'd be tempted to see if she wanted to go for dinner, or come over to your house for dinner. Worst she will say is no, and you'll be just where you are right now. Don't be needy or clingy - Just be friendly and try to make it fun for both of you. I don't get why your W went all quiet all of a sudden, but it's probably not going to make things worse if you do it the right way.

I sent Christmas cards to her parents and grandparents since I still consider them family. Hopefully that doesn't rock the boat too much. I guess we'll see...

I wouldn't worry about it - I'm not sure what your relationships are like with W's family, but they're a part of your life. I'm getting card delivered to my house from W's family because I don't think most of them know that anything is going on...

As a side note, I just noticed that she's logged into IM. I'm not going to write her anything, but this is the first time that she's been logged on in over a week. It means nothing I know, but I'm just observing I guess...

IM is okay if you have a relationship in 'reality', but I would avoid it for now. I talk with my W a lot on IM, and it really has a very 'empty' feeling. My W usually initiates contact that way every day, so we have pretty consistent contact day in, day out. Drives me nuts at times, because I know it's mostly just 'fluff' conversation, but it's better than nothing.

[bhopeful]

Christmas Eve her Dads parents usually have a big get together. I don't know if it's happening this year or not since her Grandfather had a stroke a couple months ago and doesn't like company. If it is happening, I haven't been invited. It's just as well though since it would be really hard to be there with all that is going on.

I would like to ask her to do something, but that would mean that she would have to talk to me first. I left her a message Monday night and tried calling her again Tuesday morning. I didn't get a reply from either one of those attempts at contact. Maybe I'll try again Sunday or Monday morning and see if she wants to meet for lunch on Christmas Eve.

My relationship with her family has been pretty good. At least I always enjoyed their company. Her parents sent me a card so I thought it would be alright to reciprocate.

[jmw128]

I think you've put the message out. I would be careful about calling and continuing to get message machines.

[bhopeful]

You're right jmw. I am going to call her to wish her a merry Christmas though. If she doesn't answer then it's her loss.