Karen, about picking up the baton, what is stopping you from grabbing him and giving him a BJ right now? Today? Will he refuse? (FWIW, I would love my W to have your spirit and philosophy about sex. Love the kids all day, then kiss them goodnight and love your spouse all night.)
Lustful one, if you are talking about sex fantasies and he says he likes blowjobs, why not give him one, right there?!? "You mean..., like this?"
D@mn!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Oh, I know. Dinner out is one of his favorites. And we got about 10 restaurant gift certificates for xmas. Guess I know what we'll be doing on our free nights. Dinner and a movie. I like that, but come on, it's like we're on a non-stop "first date" with no progression to the sexual intimacy phase. That's enough to drive any HD woman over the edge.
And he got me Victoria Secret stuff for xmas too.......
Lustful one, if you are talking about sex fantasies and he says he likes blowjobs, why not give him one, right there?!?
Sometimes I would. But no woman wants to be the one to do that all the time. Plus, I'm annoyed he finds me too over the top in bed. We're just not clicking right now at all. What else is new. But I've tried...trust me....I've tried.
Lol that was a kind of funny response Karen. "You don't want to have sex with me?" "How Rude" Lol Ok, I'm getting punchy.
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Long Johns? Lovely. I guess you could wear your teddy over the top.
Wouldn't that look hot. And yes, they are long-johns, the regular thermal fitted kind. At least they are pink... but still....I might take them back. Maybe they sell crotchless panties there? probably not.
I shouldn't give H such a hard time. I mean, I do like to sleep in flannels in the winter so what does he know? He tries. What am I going to do with this man?
On another note, grandparents are taking the kids tomorrow night and we are going to...you guessed it....dinner and a movie. I'm at the middle of my cycle too and extra horny. If I don't get laid tomorrow night, expect cranky LFL Friday morning. Of course I usually say that to myself and then...nothing. No sex. Not even initiated by me. Does anyone in this M really want to do the work? maybe not
I'm in deep right now and need to vent a little here.
He's home. The guy. For a few weeks.
I'm going to see him tonight..at his house.
I don't need people to tell me "don't go, it's wrong" etc. Well, you can, but I'm not going to listen. It feels like the absolutely right thing to do. I want to go. I need to go. I need to feel him again. That he's real.
This is crazy. I'm going crazy I think. And I've never been more gleeful. That's the F-ed up part. I want this more than I've wanted anything in...who knows how long.
So this is it. Might be the turning point in the road that I am taking full responsibility for, and will be living with the consequences of, certainly.
I'm tempted to just tell H everything right now. But....my best friend told me not to. She says it would be selfish. You would just hurt him. You're not having sex anyways so what difference does it make. And what if the guy just wants to F you, then what? Why ruin your M? What if he goes back and gets killed in the next few months? Then you lose both ways. Just keep it to yourself. If you make that choice, you need to live with those consequences yourself. and on and on.
So I am freaking out...just a tad.
I'm fully aware I love the dramatic, so this is about as good as it gets right? Or as bad as it gets, depending.
But all I know is I feel dead as a person in this M. I can't do. I just can't. I've seriously tried. I know I am talking to this guy again (obviously) but I didn't for a very long time. I swear. I was really focused on the M. It didn't change. And here we are again...
So I am going to see this guy again tonight, for the first time in over 2 years. And I am going to tell him to his face how I truly feel. I really have no idea what he is going to say. Well, I have some idea but I don't know what to believe anymore. But again, I don't really care. I just want to enjoy the moment. Because that's all we really get, right? The present? I just want to feel that feeling again. I just want to feel some passion again.
Oh boy, I'm in deep for sure.
I'll let you know how it goes, one way or the other.... Thanks for letting me get that out....
What do you have planned? Is there a limit in your own mind, or are you prepared to do anything he wants? How firm is this limit?
Why shouldn't Mr. LFL know what's coming? I've never quite understood how it was "selfish" to tell someone something he would very much want to know, especially something that he would generally snoop to find out if he thought there was something to find out and he could get away with it. Keeping secrets from him "for his own good" is something you do to a child, not to your partner.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
LFL, a woman needs to do what a woman needs to do. After my late H died, when I was going to a therapist, I told her a couple of things that I felt really bad about and she said to me, "Don't let's pathologize it. At the time that's what you needed to do."
I have to say it's gutsy of you to post that here, knowing the 2X4's that are going to be coming at you. I might remind people in advance that we're not responsible for what LFL does or doesn't do... we only have to love her no matter what.
I completely understand why you're doing this... you may get some kind of confirmation, closure, your bubble burst... you may get affirmation, hope... or you may come away more confused and unsettled than ever. I know you're ready for any and all of those. You're a big girl... just be careful, okay?
Sorry to see this is where you are now. Not the step I would take, but then I'm not exactly in your shoes either, so I'm not going to swing any 2x4's. I do think H deserves the courtesy of you letting him know you are stepping out on him, if for nothing else than to protect himself. I gather he's oblivious to your immediate plans? Most of all take care of yourself, and be very very careful, the minefield you are intentionally stepping into is very difficult to get out of unscathed.
