What kind of skiing are you doing? I downhill but am not very good, my knees get so tight that I can't flex and bend and then I wipe out when I hit icy patches. Not pretty! I've skied behind a horse too, and a snowmobile. That is not easy!
Hugs are my soft spot. I love to be hugged and hug back. As hard as it may be for you, next time she initiates a hug do a 180 and make it real quick or just touch her shoulder when you part. In other words, do something that will make a lasting effect on her as she is doing to you.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I was skate skiing - great fun, but it kicks your butt. I also cross country and snowboard. I have a snowboard that breaks down into tele skis so I can go backcountry. I've always lived in the middle of nowhere, so going to a resort for downhill wasn't a convenient option.
Got back from the Sierras just as they were getting walloped - man it can snow up there! They're supposed to get another 10 feet tonight.
Yep, you're right. I should do a 180 with hugs. In some ways, though, I feel like these 180s are shutting down the only places where W and I connect emotionally. Yet she seems to be softening (though swinging back and forth) so I guess they're effective. Part of our problem is that I wasn't showing her enough, i.e. any, attention, so it just feels wrong to show her LESS attention right now. Same with contact - I feel like I should be making an effort to contact her rather than pulling back. But, I'll see what happens and judge whether it's effective or not. Have I mentioned that I had no idea this could be so hard before?
Forgot to mention - I've skied behind a horse too! We called it joring. I've also gone snowboarding behind a snowmobile which is tremendous fun - try it!
I didn't think anyone here would know what joring was so I didn't use the technical term. I haven't tried snowboarding, it's crazy enough to tie two boards to your feet and slide down a hill but it seems even worse to tie your feet to one board. Skate skiing looks so elegant and graceful.
I know what you mean about not wanting now the exact thing they say they never got and now they don't want it and we want to give it. How ironic!
Do you have any GAL things to keep you busy and interesting that does not include your W? One of the things for me more recently is watching so much stinkin news I even see the repeats. It does give me more topics of interest to talk to H about other than just horses and house stuff. It might be working too, H saddled my horse for me one night and gave me tips while I rode. See? he'll go to extremes to keep me from yackin at him!
If you live in the middle of nowhere too we must be neighbors!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I didn't think anyone here would know what joring was so
Well, I'm guessing you're a westerner. Let me ask you this, how many cows have you hit? I've launched 3 - one landed in the bed of my truck.
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Do you have any GAL things to keep you busy and interesting that does not include your W?
yep - just not enough friends to do stuff with. I'm a country boy who's ended up in the city and all anyone does around here is work. That's okay - I have my fiddle.
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One of the things for me more recently is watching so much stinkin news I even see the repeats.
So I guess who said what to who in the latest debate/primary/caucus is a big topic of conversation in your household?
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H saddled my horse for me one night and gave me tips while I rode.
Wow-quite the gentleman! Question is, would he pack your mules?
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If you live in the middle of nowhere too we must be neighbors!
Alas, not any more. I'm in the big city trying to make a living. Where I used to live, though, was named the darkest place in America! I do miss seeing stars.
LOL. Westerner on the inside but planted in the midwest. I'd be labeled more of the midwest farmers daughter. No free range here so I've been lucky not to hit any cows. My cows would fair well on free range though 'cause they sure aren't fence friendly.
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I'm a country boy who's ended up in the city and all anyone does around here is work. That's okay - I have my fiddle.
Now wait a minute. You're saying that city folk work all the time? WORK? or stay busy? I feel like all I do is work because I have a town job all day and then come home to work all night at home with livestock, horses, fences, repair and maintenance, etc.... But it is my choice, and it is also cash flow too, flows in one hand and out the other! It is also a lot of my GAL with folks coming for lessons and looking for help to better their horsemanship. Do you really have a fiddle or are you hosing me? Go do something with that fiddle! Play in the park and you'll draw a crowd, find a fiddling group to join.
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So I guess who said what to who in the latest debate/primary/caucus is a big topic of conversation in your household?
I can keep up pretty good but I get tired of the same old same old. Even if the best candidate get elected it's still that one person can't change the country. I watched football last night.
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Question is, would he pack your mules?
EXCUSE ME?? that's a pretty personal question! he hasn't lately but I wish he would!! LOL. Ok, seriously, he could and would use his experience from when he was a guide in remote mountain terrain. The real issue is whether I could get him on the same trip with me! He's been softening some but it's still all about him. To set the record straight, he rarely saddles my horse but did that time due to my 'restrictions' yet. I don't want to be labeled a total wuss!
Darkest place in America? Nevada?
What about your W? is she a county girl too? are you blending lifestyles and cultures?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
You're saying that city folk work all the time? WORK? or stay busy? I feel like all I do is work because I have a town job all day and then come home to work all night at home
LOL - okay, work in an office. Where I used to live everyone had 3 jobs but they still made time for friends. Where I'm at now it just seems like people will only make time for work.
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Go do something with that fiddle! Play in the park and you'll draw a crowd
You bet I'll draw a crowd - along with the police to arrest me for disturbing the peace! At my skill level, I'm better off practicing inside.
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He's been softening some but it's still all about him.
Same with my W (who is a country girl but both of us blend in well in the city). At least I thought she was softening - looks like we've started down another stretch of no contact. I'd been planning to do that anyway, but hate it. lodo
It feels pretty darn negative, but maybe not. W contacted me - we had agreed we didn't like MC before xmas. I hadn't brought it up since. She asked if I'd like to join her for dinner tonight and also asked what I thought about MC. Said she'd go if I wanted to continue going, and that she was going to IC next week.
We met for dinner - small talk. She was clearly avoiding bringing it up. I finally asked her to walk around. Started to hold her hand and she snatched it away. Back to small talk and I finally got her to sit down for a minute. She said she just felt trapped whenever she thought about coming home. I said I understood. She said she didn't know what she wanted. I said I was confused too. She said we could still be friends and do stuff together. I agreed.
Finally I said, why don't we stop seeing each other for awhile. She got teary and said she was impossible. I told her she wasn't - she should do what she wanted to be happy and I was doing the same. I held her hand and she let me. I said if she wanted to continue counseling we could go to someone else, otherwise it might be best if we just not see each other, but it was her decision. Then I stood and said I needed to go. She stood and I hugged her and then kissed her. She let me. I turned to walk away and she said she'd let me know her decision after meeting with IC.
So. Not what I wanted to do, say, or hear after what I thought was a LOT of small positive steps. Yet this is really that letting go step and part of me says this is a good thing.
Hey lodo, I dug this up for you. Don't leave loose threads or anything dangling.
In all seriousness, I moved to this forum for myself. I wanted to be positive about finding hopefulness for my life and where I wanted to go with me. It's been MY journey of baby steps to move forward and put my life on the track I desired.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
LOL. Ok, seriously, he could and would use his experience from when he was a guide in remote mountain terrain. The real issue is whether I could get him on the same trip with me! He's been softening some but it's still all about him. To set the record straight, he rarely saddles my horse but did that time due to my 'restrictions' yet. I don't want to be labeled a total wuss!