I am not going to call, I promise! I actually "hid" my phone so it's not anywhere in sight. I will definitely keep you posted though. Thanks for everything B it really means a lot to me right now (and of course always). Enjoy dinner!
M 29/H32 M 7yrs/1 dog Bomb 10/18 M in apt 11/13/ H in the house 1st now
Everythings going pretty good. It could be better as I'm sure you well know. I just got back from taking the dogs for a walk with my neighbors and then we're going to out to dinner.
You went to dinner with W - Hope that went better than my night with W. LOL
Umm... I must have not written that quite right. I went to dinner with my neighbors. Ended up drinking a little too much and didn't get home until 1 in the morning. Oops...
W called but didn't leave a message and since I was out having a good time I didn't call her back. I probably won't call her back until tonight since I'll be with my Dad and Brother all day. I guess if it was anything important she would have left a message. I hope that I didn't miss out on anything though. I can't be at her beckon call either since I have to GAL.
Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Things had been going pretty well. We have been talking on the phone and over IM most of the week. We were planning on getting together last night, but W wasn't feeling all that great so we put it off until tonight. I decided to call her last night to see how she was feeling. She said that she was feeling better and then told me about her night. She went to her parents house for dinner and then stopped at the local bar to say Hi to a friend. Then she told me that she saw OM down there too and that she gave him a hug. This caused me to have a HUGE backslide. I didn't say anything at first, but before we hung up I said "It sound like you didn't spend much time at home for being sick." or something like that. It came out very judgmental and I regretted it after I said it. Well, that led to the following IM conversation this morning.
W: you really made me mad last night
B: I realize that and I'm very sorry. I wanted to call back and apologize
W: it's too late. that is exactly the kind of s### that made me want to leave... all that kind of garbage piling up
B: I know
W: it's ridiculous and i'm done listening to it
B: I can't tell you how much I regret it.
W: yeah well... i'm tired of sorry's actions speak louder than words and your actions are pretty f###### loud sometimes
B: I don't know what to say. I made a mistake and I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. Truly, I only want my actions to convey my love for you, but obviously I'm not very good at that.
W: no you suck at it. love shouldn't hurt
B: I know.
W: your love for me hurts
B: I don't mean for it to
W: i just want to be left alone
B: ok I will respect that I never meant to hurt you.
W: i know you didn't and that's just the thing
B: I got upset about something and I took it out on you. I'm really sorry You really are a wonderful person and only deserve the best in life. You do not deserve to be treated like that by anyone especially by someone who says that they love you.
W: this type of situation only makes me feel like i made the right decision leaving.... as harsh as it is to say. People are fragile and you, just like all the other men I know are on one agenda.... your own and I'm [censored] sick of it.... and I'm through with dealing with it. I am not your GD puppet and you aren't going to manipulate me anymore. I did nothing wrong last night. And whatever I do is none of your business anyway. You should feel grateful I even tell you anything. Most smart women would keep their mouths shut.
B: I'm not trying to manipulate you in anyway, but I can see where you might think that I am. I am very grateful that you talk to me and I know that none of what you do is my business. Treating you like I have is the biggest mistake of my life and I will regret it always. It's not just something that I'm saying either. It keeps me up at night. I don't want to treat you like that. I want to show you the respect that you deserve. I don't know what happened last night. It was a moment of weakness and I fear that I will regret it for the rest of my life.
W: Don't let it keep you up at night but stay aware. We all have moments of weakness. I'm just done putting up with it.... I've been weak too but not anymore. If you really regret it, change it. It's that simple.
B: I've been trying really hard to change. I really have. I don't want to be the person that I was anymore.
W: i know.
I had to get away from it all for a few minutes, so I went for a walk around the block. When I came back she was still logged in and started talking to me again. This time it was all just friendly stuff about what she had found at a thrift store and what not. Then she came back with the following:
W: i wish things with us could be easier
B: I know, me too.
W: i believe you are a good person i want you to know that
B: thank you. I know that you are too.
W: you piss me off but i think you have good intentions when you want too i want you to know that i am doing well
B: I'm happy for you.
W: even though i am struggling with many things, i feel like i am doing really good.
B: That's good.
W: i know it must be hard for you too hear
B: I just want you to be happy.
W: i know you do.... and i feel happy
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I'm sorry that this is so long, but this has been a bad morning for me and would like some input.
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
W: Don't let it keep you up at night but stay aware. We all have moments of weakness. I'm just done putting up with it.... I've been weak too but not anymore. If you really regret it, change it. It's that simple.
Sounds to me like she's saying that you screwed up, but she knows you can do better. Time to put all of that behind you and get on with the rest of your day. I've learned that sarcasm doesn't work too well with our W's - They're still very sensitive, so I would avoid it, even if they seem relaxed and happy.
If she asked you to lunch, that's good - At least she wants to hang out with you. She's probably trying to figure out if she can feel comfortable with you again. Take it slow and don't expect to be where you were a few days ago overnight.
The lunch thing really surprised me. I'm backing way off and will let her initiate contact for a while. I need to learn to curb my sarcasm. I think that I'm getting too good at it and some people just don't get it. I'll make that one of my personal improvement goals.
Thanks for the input! B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
