Aw Matilda - I am such a creature of whims. Some days, I get such a high from working hard. Other days I just want to laze around. It honestly is not any more complicated than that
Well, the peace was too good to last. We had a major to-do at the weekend. The subject of our expiring lease came up - a neighbour was over and talked about how much more the rents in this neighbourhood will be. NG starts talking about how maybe we should buy a place here. I just told him quite baldy that I want to go home. Oh he did not like it at all, it was like his favourite puppy bit him He stormed off, then came back, accused me of not thinking this 'holistically' - that it was OK for me because I had clients all over the place, but his career is doing far better here in Asia and that Europe is 'depressing'. Sooo, we seem to have a stalemate. Anyone with good ideas of how to negotiate out of this, please help!
Sorry, I can't give you any advice on your question. I am not familiar with your sitch. (Just went through this thread).
I only wanted to tell you I appreciate you stopping by my thread and that I am amazed of your journey (as described in the beginning here). I had not realised you are a veteran of DBing.
slowly, when you went to Asia do I remember right that it was for a one year deal that you agreed to? does NG remember that? does he have a career to return to in Europe?
I don't know how to negotiate moving between countries when one wants to go and one wants to stay. Maybe think of the plan you made when you moved to Asia, and how those decisions were agreed on by both of you then. It seems that NG became very defensive and is insecure or unsure of his status of 'head of the house'.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
...We had a major to-do at the weekend.... we seem to have a stalemate. Anyone with good ideas of how to negotiate out of this, please help!
Hi Slowly,
Not sure if you have read "men are from mars, women from venus", but there is a "Love letter" technique on P211 that you may be able to use to get your true feelings expressed to H without causing an arguement....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hi Slowly just on the board because I can finally remember my password and checking if anyone I know is still here. I am struggling with 'what do I want' as ever its a blinder. so to answer I have to break it down to do I want a, b or c. and invariably I have to give up something. which do you want more? If you can only take one thing which is it? As far as negotiation is concernerd the only thing I really know is that all parties should feel they have won. next time youre meeting for a drink in Paris let me know! lol x
It seems strange to be coming back to this thread. I'd like to say all our issues have been resolved, but... we are at best, in limbo. It has been hard to negotiate with someone who refuses to discuss the issue of where we live with an open mind. Perhaps the time has come to accept that we want different things from life, and take it from there.
I'll be around more often, now that my big work related project is over.
Seems to me H wants to stay in Asia because he feels like a success there, and not at home. Is that correct? If so, it's asking a lot to ask him to go back to where he feels incompetent or a failure.
What is it you miss most about home? Is there any way to accomplish getting some of what you want, while still accommodating his desire to work in Asia? Could you, for instance, spend 3 months out of the year at home? Recreate some of the things you miss from home there in Asia?
And then, there's the bottom line - what else is going on in the R? Because usually, if the spouse is everything you ever dreamed he could be and the R is fabulous - then it wouldn't probably seem like such a sacrifice to be there, no? So what's brewing underneath?
He stormed off, then came back, accused me of not thinking this 'holistically' - that it was OK for me because I had clients all over the place, but his career is doing far better here in Asia and that Europe is 'depressing'. Sooo, we seem to have a stalemate. Anyone with good ideas of how to negotiate out of this, please help!