Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
Hi there- Yes, it's a little chilly, but not too bad, about 30 right now. I'm glad you like my suggestion. I think we can look at any positive attribute 2 ways, but for this exercise, I'm going to have to ask you to try really hard not to do that! \:D


me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
OK, so here is the forst shot at this, I'm sure it won't be complete! I'm going to try to avoid saying "but", in other words, after the positive, I'll stop, even if I have to cut my fingers off to keep from saying "....but, that means...."

1. When she chooses to do something, she puts everything into it to do her best.

2. She is a dedicated mother.

3. She supports her friends.

4. She supports her family.

5. She is compassionate to people in unfortunate situations.

6. She is good at organizing her thoughts and ideas.

7. She makes great quilts. (This one uses lots of the others.)

OK, I think that's it for now. I'm sure that list isn't complete, but it is a jumping off place!

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,337
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,337
Hey SVP of Q&A, another ((()))) as this is your thread, not mine!

I really like that list as a first pass.

One thing my psychologist friend is always saying to me is that when I feel a 'but' coming on, I should replace it with an 'and'. She says that makes it more empowering. So instead of 'but that means', 'and that means...'. It sometimes works for me!

L.xx

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
(((((Lisa)))))

The best thing I see in the list is that if she really chooses that she wants to be married, I think it could work. Because I think she could address her issues if she wanted to. Right now, there's nothing motivating her to want to do that. So, if I become the best me I can be, we'll see what happens. And either way, I'll be better off!

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
So, if I become the best me I can be, we'll see what happens. And either way, I'll be better off!


Now you're talkin'!!!

I agree that the list was a good start. Just going through the exercise of realizing all of the "good" is worthwhile when you're starting to fall into that pit of negativity.

My h used to say "I love you, but..." That REALLY used to piss me off. Why ruin such a beautiful statement by adding a "but"?


me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
Originally Posted By: new_attitude
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
So, if I become the best me I can be, we'll see what happens. And either way, I'll be better off!


Now you're talkin'!!!

I agree that the list was a good start. Just going through the exercise of realizing all of the "good" is worthwhile when you're starting to fall into that pit of negativity.

My h used to say "I love you, but..." That REALLY used to piss me off. Why ruin such a beautiful statement by adding a "but"?

I have trouble imagining that...
I love you, but you are a terrible cook?
I love you, but you don't wear your hair right?
I love you, but your underwear doesn't match?
I love you, but you take too long in the shower?

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
And you don't want me to make the other list!

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 928
\:\)
It was usually something like "I love you, but I wish you wouldn't... (react in a certain way, get angry, etc.)"


me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 674
T
tmi Offline
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 674
Another place to use 'and' instead of 'but' - it's a very simple change that can have a big impact. Hard to remember to do, though.

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 674
T
tmi Offline
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 674
Changed it in my signature - what do you think?

Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard