It is difficult to read this without saying 'why?'
OK, so the original poster lays down an argument from an MLC'er. Being simplistic, the MLC'er wants the LBS to go and they comply. LBS looks for signs of recovery and gets upset that MLC'er doesn't want to know. MLC'er, however, gets annoyed that LBS handles separation well and does everything they want, but feels pressure when LBS then complies again to try and sooth the MLC'er.
Am I just reading this wrong or does the whole MLC'er/LBS situation just seem like one long contradiction? I people wonder while us LBS's seem confused and want to quit!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
It's not much of soothing as much as waiting them out. It's important that you understand that the primary focus while dealing with a mlc is to focus on you and only you. Just as they are focusing on only them. It's not the point for the lbs to sit and watch and look for opportunities to test. It's more of a focus on you and wait til they come to you thing from my understanding.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Yes, I see what you're saying, but I don't understand the mindset. MLC'er wants LBS to do something (like leaving), they do it, but MLC'er gets hacked off that LBS is actually doing what they want. I just can't square that circle in my head and just makes the whole thing difficult to figure out why you would do that, if you really wanted to leave the LBS? Maybe just rambling, but I read this, saw all the signs in my sitch and it doesn't make any logical sense.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Since when did logic apply? Mlc or no that's how they feel.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Huddy, have you ever had a toddler be so tired all they do is cry, but when you try to cuddle them and put them to bed they just arch their back and fight you? Say they're not tired? Have a teen who complains that no one ever listens to them or cares about them, but when you try to tell them you care and are listening they say, "leave me alone!"? It makes no sense.
Sometimes you need to create the weird reasons for how you feel and blame someone else because if its you that is the problem, its going to take a lot more work. Easier for the short term to run away and "make yourself happy" doing what you want. It will catch up eventually. Then you'll have to either do the introspection and hard work, or be forever miserable. Its kind of like eating chocolate cheesecake. I want it because I had a bad day; I deserve it. I eat a few bites and am satiated. But its so good. I keep eating it even though I'm making myself more uncomfortable, sick even. Then when I finish I blame it on the cheesecake. Too rich, too fatty or too sweet.The cheesecake didn't really make me sick. My sense of entitlement and stubbornness, the immediate satisfaction of the taste that I was enjoying all pushed aside the logic that I should stop before I regretted my actions. But I'm going to avoid cheesecake for quite awhile, because "IT" is no good for me and makes me sick. Eventually the balance in feelings will shift; I'll remember that I really like it. The memory of the full, sick feeling will fade. Logic will kick in and I will realize that my actions were what caused the problem. Maybe next time I see cheesecake, I will be able to have learned enough to only have a few bites. Then again, maybe not. But that's the process.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
