I am hopeful and will ride this out

I really would find it hard to believe that the lawyer could claim a portion of any future success of my company that occurs after the D.

Time to talk to an attorney - Just because they're not entitled to something doesn't mean they won't drag it out, chew up legal fees and make things worse just to be told 'no'.

[Heimlich]

Does your W's attorney advertise on TV? Sounds like you've got an ambulance chaser to deal with.

Can't remember your financial situation, but i thought your W had her own career and that alimony/spousal support wouldn't be an issue. Also, since you want primary custody, she could owe you child support, I would think.

Of course, I have no clue what I'm talking about.

Someone mentioned this earlier, but are you sure you want this divorce? You keep telling your W that she can stop it at any time. I understand your reasons, but is this getting you where you want to be?

Also, you do sound like you've got your shyte together. Kudos.

BD

[smith18]

Heimlich -

I just googled W's attorney and see that she is new to Oregon and previously practiced in Beverly Hills, CA.

W makes about 7 times less than me. We are agreeing to 50/50 custody and the state guidelines still require the higher earner to compensate the lower earner for child support using a calculation.

I dont want the D, but W has made a pretty good case that she will never be a good W for me. She still wants to be a bar flirt.

[Heimlich]

Eesh, that doesn't sound good on the lawyer.

There's a calculater in MD too, my W will owe me child support as well. Going to just put it in a college fund for the girls though, it's not that much.

If your W had two brains, they'd rattle.

Hang in there. Who knows, maybe she'll grow up before you totally close the door.

BD

[Heimlich]

LOL. Thanks for the flashback to Saturday mornings spent watching mid-South Wrestling. Ted Debiase, The Junkyard Dog, Iron Shiek. Ahhhh, the glory of wasted time.

[smith18]

I informed my attorney's assistant that my W has what appears to be an ambulance chaser for a lawyer. She said that my lawyer is really good at defending against stuff they are not entitled to.

I had a good chat with W's good friend to get the number of the lawyer she used to work as a neutral party in getting her D done. I told her about how irrational W is now and that I want to keep things friendly but see a contested divorce putting a wall between us. She said she cant understand why my W is now being so difficult.

Then I had a couple of really bad phone calls with W this afternoon. I told her it was in our best interest to drop the lawyers and use a mediator. I asked her what she wants as I have been more than generous. She does not know. She says she is going to the library to learn all about the law. She was so hostile on the phone and said she feels like a dog under the table being fed crumbs by me. Her irrational behavior is quite disturbing. I think she knows she is heading down the path of a loser and that she is in the wrong, hence the angry attitude towards me right now.

I called her friend again and explained that W is not able to be reasoned with now. She thought it might be that time of the month and said I should just leave her alone for a day or two. She also said she was going to leave W alone so she can get her thoughts together better.

I find it hard to belive that just a few days ago I was seeing some hope that she was coming back. Now all I see is a very disturbed and angry person.

[smith18]

I had a short talk with W tonight. It started off confrontational, but I listened to and came to an understanding of where she is coming from. She has not said that she intends to battle it out for any future riches I get from my company that occur after the D. She said she just needs to understand her rights some more as she is making a big life decision in getting this D which could affect her financial future if she falters somewher down the road. I tried to let her know that I believe her lawyer will pressure her to fight for all she can as that is how I believe this lawyer operates. I expressed to her that it is probably best that we go to a mediator who could save us considerably in legal expenses and emotional distress. W says she is not saying no to the idea, but just wants some time to educate herself with a book on divorce.

We both had a misunderstanding today and our emotions got in the way. I take my ownership in my company, which I worked hard to achieve before the marriage, as something that is very important to me. She feels that I am too demanding when I say no spousal support and dont touch my company or any future riches that I achieve. I believe it is our poor communication as a large part of why she wants to get a D. I have told her before that we could and should learn to communicate better.

I told her truthfully why I am opposed to spousal support. Number one is that I dont think she needs it. Secondly, once you have spousal support in the final D papers, it can be changed in the future if she ever hits hard times. I told her that her having spousal support from me would also lower the child support. However, once the spousal support were to end, the child support would go up. I came up with an idea to write into our divorce agreement which is to allow each other to see the others W4 income each year. That way if my W's income goes up or mine down, I can choose to lower spousal or child support. Likewise, W could see that if my income goes up that she could try to get spousal or child support increase.

She says she trusts me and knows that I am too honest of a guy, but she does not trust the people I talk to. I told her that they think she is a selfish female dog. She gets real irrational knowing this, but I think that deep down she understands why they view her as such. We plan to attend our kids birthday parties and events together, which should be interesting as my parents and bothers family usually attend BD parties. I wonder how W will be able to handle it. Likewise, my brother (he reads my threads here) has expressed some things about my W that are best left unsaid, so he will probably just avoid W.

She just does not have the support team that I have and I think that makes her feel all alone and hurting. Even her long time local Thai friend is supportive of me and her best friend said she would set me up with her single sister if she were not W's best friend. I even think that OM probably relates to my position as he went through 2 D's himself. He told me that in his first one (a 25 year marriage), his W hired 3 different lawyers (ouch).

The last point I needed to make as W was leaving was that I think it is so important to our children that we both be friends with each other. A large part of maintaining our friendship is how well we do during this emotional D.

All in all, I am worn out from today.

[smith18]

I could not help but notice the difference in what W and I are reading. I have been reading a book on how to help your children cope with divorce, a book about a fathers importance to his daughter and other R books (ie Hold onto your N.U.Ts, 5LL, Dr Phil). W is reading the Thai version of "The secret of getting rich" by Wallace Wattles and now she has just checked out from the library a book about divorce so as to educate herself about all you can legally get in money from a divorce.

I get the feeling that she is indeed a greedy selfish rabid female dog.

[Just_Me]

Kerry,

There's a more than reasonable chance that she wants to cash in on whatever you have. You don't do either of you any favors by being too giving in this circumstance. What you have to say is reasonable, but it won't appear like that to her. She sees you trying to keep her destitute.

She was so hostile on the phone and said she feels like a dog under the table being fed crumbs by me.

I'm sure she feels that way. You control the purse strings and she doesn't like it. My opinion, from what you've written, is that she would really like to get out, but keep whatever standard of living she's used to. Her reasons for thinking about not divorcing primarily seem to focus on finances. She seems to want a sugar daddy. Is that what you want to be for her?

At some point in time, I don't think it's wrong to express your own opinion that you don't want to be wanted simply for what you can provide. The decision to stay married isn't just hers. If she says, "I've thought this over and I'd be too poor if I left so I want to stay" (or something along those lines), it's okay to stand up for yourself and say you are more than just a sugar daddy. Just my opinion.

I get the feeling that she is indeed a greedy selfish rabid female dog.

She can read all she wants, but it's not going to help much once the lawyers start their battles - How long is she going to fight until her attorneys says her retainer got burned through?