piecing for real

[limbo]

PS...thank you!

I think that you make a very important point, that marriage is hard work, and I think this is a big thing that we all forget, and this is why we get to this point.
We just begin to coast in the marriage thinking it will be fine, but in truth we have to tend to it! If only I had realized this alot sooner.
But now I do I am not going to forget it, or let it slip again!

[Heartbroken]

You sound great! I too am getting happy again - still fear the OW trying to start it up once again (she lasted 10 wks w/no contact last time) - but then I do not want her to have that kind of power over me!!

H and I are planning a winter trip for just the two of us - somewhere nice and WARM where I can relax and sip pina coldas!!

Happy Monday!

HB

[limbo]

HB,

I am glad to hear that you are doing so well!! I tried to post on your thread, but I think it has locked!!!

We are planning on going away to!! but I think it will be later then I hoped, but we are still going to go! We really need it!
H and I haven't had a real holiday just the 2 of us since our honeymoon! We have gone away on weekends, but nothing big! So this will be nice!
Just need to save up some money first!!
Post a bit, so we know what you are up too!!

[limbo]

We had our core meeting last night with Retrouvaille, it went well, and afterwards we were talking about relationships(what else!!!)
Anyway the core leader said something, and I thought wow what a great way to put this!
She said when they were in the worst of there problems,she would look at her H and see a "stranger with a familiar face" I thought that is the perfect way to say it!

We had a good night, and session, H volunteered for us to give a talk at out next meeting, so that was a wow, and of course I am not going to say no when he wants to!
There is also a conference in April for the Retro program so we are thinking about going.

I hope all is well with you all!!

[limbo]

Just thought I would check in, haven't posted in awhile

We are still moving forward, which is a good thing...we seem to have settled more, less moments for me, so its helping...Only problem now is that I am not living on adrenline and so have started to gain alittle weight back, which is not a good thing!

We were over at my Mums for dinner on Saturday, and she had dug some videos out, the first one was nice, it was my daughter baptism, was really funny to watch, my D was adorable, 'sigh'! how quickly they change.
Then we watched our wedding video, my son wanted to see it, h didn't seem to happy to watch it. I asked him afterwards about it and he said he was ok watching it, but it upset him because he saw the vows he had broken!
It was funny, not the whole cermony had been recorded, and the part that had was us saying vows about honouring each other! I thought wow how strange!
And then the bitch in me thought, mmmmm I think I will have to play that a bit more to see H squirm!!!

But all in all it was fine, and we had a good weekend painting D room. I thought how well he and I work together doing in, and he even said to me the same thing.

We are also working on a presentation for Wednesday for our core group with Retrouvaille. H volunteered us to to do it.

[saffie]

Limbo,

My H and I renewed our vows for the reason that we felt they were so broken and dishonoured. We didn't make a big thing out of it - it was just us and our children, all dressed casually, but done in church in front of the main altar. It felt good and so right for both of us. Just a thought.

[limbo]

That is a good idea...maybe i will suggest it to my H. We have mentioned doing this a couple of times, but nothing seriously.

I like that idea of making new vows.

[saffie]

It was a seriously good move for us. I feel we were married for almost 20 years - then weren't - then started our M life together again. Goodness knows when we should celebrate the silver wedding anniversary - may just have to do it twice!!!!!

[appleroad]

limbo, I just got done reading your threads, all of them. It took me several days, I started thinking of them as 'The Limbo Chronicles'. Sometimes when I was driving home I would think about the reading I intended to do with the same anticipation I used to reserve for really engaging novels. Limbo, you have such strength and perseverance! And thank you for writing your story so fully -- it was very helpful to me, and probably to many others who read but don't post. Your husband is a lucky, lucky man to have someone like you to care for him.

I especially liked your good descriptions of the Retrouvaille method, and Sara's explanations also. H & I will be attending a Retrouvaille this coming weekend, H a little apprehensive initially but I was able to calm his fears from your good descriptions of what it was all about.

I wish you the very best in going forward, hope you will continue to post your story.

[limbo]

Appleroad!

Thanks for the post! I have never been chroniclized before!!! It made me laugh!
Retrouvaille has truly been a god send for me, for us...if you work at it and do what you are supposed to then it will help.
For us it has given us the key on how to communicate, really communicate. We no longer take offense with what each other is saying, we listen and understand, and if we do disagree we talk about it now, again all the self defense has been taken out of it!
Last night if I am honest I came very close just to saying I was done with the marriage, everything...its nothing my H has done, but its me feeling totally overwhelmed by life at the moment.
My Mum has been ill, issue's with the kids, h Dad was ill last week, and just tending to our marriage,finances.
I told H I feel like I am running to each thing in this constant motion, to make sure all is ok, I feel like there is no part in my life that is settled, calm, that I don't have any part with no worry attached...
I told him I just feel like running, leaving it all behind...he never flinched, he talked to me calmly, trying to help.
He also admitted that he know he has been a "leech" to me over the past year, and that is no more. He is very happy, very happy with us...he really tried to tell me this, because he wanted me not to have to worry about us.
Before retrouvaille we would never have been able to get through something like that! It would have turned into the blame game! We each would have gotten pissed off, and nothing would have been solved.
He also told me he doesn't want me to let things get to this point again, and he wants me to tell him when I feel like this.
Again this was a wow! because before he would have just buried his head and ignored everything!
So I believe if you truly embrace the retrouvaille, and work, and do what you need to with it, it can only help!

SOrry for the long winded post!