Drew continued ...

[runningoutoftime]

Hi Drew,

Just found your thread. Interesting observation about your wife having difficulty letting go. I haven't read back on your previous threads but my advice is keep creating good impressions of yourself and the marriage....but it sounds like you already know this....

Have a great time at the pub tonight!

P.s. I'm going out a little later and meeting some girlfriends for "Taco Tuesday" and a margarita too!

[bombardier50]

Drew,

I think you're doing everything right. Sleeper is having much the same experience as you are...check his thread.

There's an article on the DB home page...think it's titled "While Your Spouse Decides." It talks about maintaining an unconditional friendship. You wife will always be in your life because of the kids. If all else fails and she does leave you, staying friends will at least make things easier on you and the kids.

So...sounds to me like you're being a good friend.

Bomb

[Drew]

I guess that's a pretty good way to put it. Friendly. But distant. Intentionally, on my part.

Have had to be strong today. Lots going on. Was supposed to meet with my lawyer today to review my financial statement, but she had to postpone until tomorrow morning. Shouldn't really be a big deal and tomorrow is better because .....

Tonight we have our first meeting with a realtor to sell our house. She's already said she doesn't want to list it for a few weeks because of what we still need to get ready. I'm probably not going to sign anything tonight for two reasons: I'm not so sure we/I shouldn't talk to more than one realtor and I'm going to use my lawyer as an excuse that I want to run it by my lawyer first.

Third thing is she sent me a email and spreadsheet outlining what she'd like to take with her and actually she's being pretty fair. There's only a couple of things I disagree with and she said this is only a request. Also said she knows this is hard.
Heck, here's the actual text:

**** Start of email

This is just a shot in the dark, but I have listed the things that I would like to take with me. Mostly stuff I have purchased, except some bedroom stuff and a TV. The other stuff is what my dad made. Again, this is only a request. I put it in spreadsheet form to help me think through it.

I have no idea how much room you are going to have. If you need me to keep some of your things that's no big deal.

The boys have already made lists of what game systems and games they want to take where. That's really up to them.

For the most part (except beds) we have enough stuff to allow for each of us to have kitchen tables and chairs, family rooms, computers, printers, desks, bookcases, dressers, appliances, TV's, etc.

It might help to identify these things this weekend to make staging and storing easier. Just a thought. I know this is difficult.

*** End of email

I'm OK, surprisingly. These shots of reality still hurt but I tend to bounce back faster.

[bombardier50]

Drew,
Hang in there buddy. My heart goes out to you. I think you're being a lot stronger than I ever could.

Take heart that she's being friendly and civil. It sure as hell could be a lot worse. Let the process run and just be a really good friend. You have nothing to lose with that approach.

When all is said and done, I think this could go three ways:

1) You both start new lives and move on.
2) She discovers that being on her own really sucks, and isn't what she wanted or expected, and decides to return.
3) She realizes that through all the hell she's put you through, you're being an incredibly strong, confident, and caring person, and wonders "Why the hell am I leaving him?"

Okay, unlike many on these boards, I'm an eternal optimist I guess.

Hang on, my friend. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Bomb

[Drew]

Thanks, Bomb. Appreciate the support.

And you know what? None of those three options is so bad.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

No those options are not really bad at all. 2 isn't so hot.

1. And you get to see the other side of the fence. I know what I say all the time, don't be jealous of the other side's grass. I have to admitt to a certain ammount of peace from not living in the same house. Not DBing constantly. That's not what you want...but wow, the sigh of relief, once you get to a good place with this possible outcome.


2. Not the reason you want her intrested in being a family again. : )

3. A better reason, but only if she gets her shi t in one sock, or at least most of it.

Faster bounces...yup. Pretty amazing. Crap that would have you all tore up for a week now processes in a few hours.

PLEASE tell me you get the 360 and Rock Band?

[Drew]

We'll have to see the boy's lists ....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Well cause, like selfishly...I'm going to be getting it at the end of Feb or early Mar, and it's an online game.

BUT...before anyone warning bells go off.

It isn't a MMORPG. Those are my downfall, those I do not touch.

[Drew]

A couple of reasons I seem to bounce back faster:

1. I seem to be better off financially this month. Some of the steps I've taken are starting to pay off.
2. One in particular I took care of yesterday without any outside help. Very empowering.
3. The boys seem to be doing as well as can be expected with this. Still haven't told S6 and that's not gonna be fun because I think he'll ask a lot of questions. The twins have been through a separation already, at six years old too, hmmm.... I wonder if they think this is just going to be temporary again, but I'm not going to project.
4. For the most part, I actually liked being on my own last time.
5. Some of you might not like to hear this, but I'm actually looking forward to not having to turn down the women who hit on me. Not saying I'm going to but I will have that option.

[Drew]

Jack,

I won't tell you that all three boys play Runescape then ....