Way to set some boundaries there, Nicola! You rock!
Althea wrote: "You and I are similarly insecure so we both need to remind ourselves how great we are, how deserving of love we are, and how we deserve to have the kind of mate who will really nurture the part of us that is ready to love again."
I think this is true of a lot of women. I certainly see this in myself.
Weird stuff going on on the MLC forum - posts being deleted etc.
Anyway, the D negotiations drag on. It's been almost a year now since we started our (failed) mediation. Six weeks after I sent ex the proposal he'd been harrassing me for, I finally got a response, on V-day no less! It was so confusing that neither I nor my L could understand it. My L has called his to get details, but has not heard anything. I've also sent it to a financial advisor.
Also on the 14th, stbx's father died. He had been ill for more than three years, so it was not a surprise. I won't be hypocritical and say I care, particularly; they all pretty much cut me off when their idiot son and I split. My only concern is that this might delay the D!
However, something interesting did happen re. the death, which just proved to me that I'm lucky to be out of this, and that my M really had no chance. The obit had stbx's gf listed as his W, and her son as a grandchild (they've been together about a year). Apparently, the picture at the funeral home incl this other little boy and the gf! How nice that they're all one big happy family! Not only have I been replaced, but my children do not even have exclusivity with their granfather. Now, I didn't expect my name to be there, but could I have SOME respect please? This lack of accountability - not to mention good taste - is not a surprise, and just serves to reinforce by belief that stbx's upbringing has a lot to do with our failed M.
In happier news, things are moving along slightly faster than a snail's pace with my work friend. I am still hopeful that things will end up well there - unfortunately, we only see each other for maybe 1/2 hr twice a week, so that doesn't help. But we are having lunch together next week.
Oh yeah, and the Valentine's dinner was cancelled due to stbx's father! Okay, I'm mean - but I was happy about that!!!
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
However, something interesting did happen re. the death, which just proved to me that I'm lucky to be out of this, and that my M really had no chance. The obit had stbx's gf listed as his W, and her son as a grandchild (they've been together about a year). Apparently, the picture at the funeral home incl this other little boy and the gf! How nice that they're all one big happy family! Not only have I been replaced, but my children do not even have exclusivity with their granfather. Now, I didn't expect my name to be there, but could I have SOME respect please? This lack of accountability - not to mention good taste - is not a surprise, and just serves to reinforce by belief that stbx's upbringing has a lot to do with our failed M.
ICK
sorry about that dear heart.
YOur kids are not lacking any love, thank goodness.
So to heck with those people.
There is a certain relief, after that D paper has been signed.
I hope things work out the way you need them too.
Quote:
In happier news, things are moving along slightly faster than a snail's pace with my work friend. I am still hopeful that things will end up well there - unfortunately, we only see each other for maybe 1/2 hr twice a week, so that doesn't help. But we are having lunch together next week.
So, this is where all that wonderful patience, we have learned comes in? Slightly faster than a snails pace
It will all be worth it in the end. Have a great lunch.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
How can a grandparent not acknowledge their real grandkids and I don't get the fact that gf and her son were mentioned as being part of the family let alone that STBX and gf are M. God, you are not even D.
You are right, about his family being the reason why his upbringing was so messed up. When we find someone we think of getting into a R with, we should really take a long look at the family they grew up with.
Why is STBX making this so difficult. For someone who wanted the D so badly, he seems to be applying some stalling tactics and now the death of his father WILL either make him speed things up or stop altogether.
Focus on the positives in your life and your new friend. I hope lunch next week goes well.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Hey Nic ~ I haven't been here in forever so I thought I would check up on you. Glad to hear things are going well for you even though yu stbx is still a jerk!
Much love!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
I will soonbe in the the Divorce boat too. I am actually excited about it- for now at least- New beginnings. Hopefully things will work out with your d and things will move a little faster. WTheck are they doing not including your kiddos at the funeral home. That is just sad.
Love,Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
hey nic, thanks for your advice on my post, most appreciate it.
I just looked at your bio and see that we've both been in the rollercoaster from hell for about the same time, my hell started Sept 3, 2005. We've come a long way hon)))))))I look forward to a happy and healthy life.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Negotiations are FINALLY, really almost done (I think). I've been saying this since December, but I think we really will be done by the end of this month.
I spent so much time wishing and hoping that H would come back to me. For what? So that I could be emotionally abused for a few more years? So that I could feel even worse about myself with all the criticism? So I could spend more nights wondering if he would make it home or get into a druken car accident? Someone posted on Althea's thread that there should be a forum for "Dickishness" - I should have posted there!!!
At the moment, though, there is something bothering me - a holdover, if you will, from the MLC board: Unconditional Love.
Now, I don't actually believe in unconditional love among humans, except maybe between mothers (and fathers?) and children, in most cases. But b/t spouses? No. And I don't think that's a bad thing. But I have been very down lately, and it's due in large part to the end of my M. I saw my T yesterday, and he suggested that I really think about what would happen if H did a turn-around RIGHT NOW - stopped drinking, lost his narcissitic tendencies, etc. - and wanted to get back together. What if we did? How could I forget that last several years? Well, the last 10 really, but 6 esp bad ones.
Not that this will happen, but it was an exercise in uncovering my lingering "fantasies" about my M. I told the T that I felt like I "should" be able to forgive him and move on w/ him. T said, "Why?" Hmmmmm - Because I'm a Christian? I never thought being a Christian meant I had to be unhappy, and no one, NO ONE, at my church has given me less than 100% support in the D.
On the MLC bb unconditional love is stressed to the point of - IMHO - choosing it over love for oneself. In fact, even the Bible says that we should love our neighbours as ourselves, the assumption being that WE LOVE OURSELVES! (I mentioned this once and got blasted over there.)
So why am I having such a hard time with this, when I know it's for the best? I am so much happier w/o stbx. Any advice?
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
