Not ONE of you would be here if you were truly THAT
True enough. Obviously I would make a lame*ss call girl. It's bad enough that I sell books for a living in terms of mixing business with pleasure. Probably I'd try to charge more to f*ck my pilgrim soul than my hot *zz and be driven into bankruptcy. However, on my more cynical days I would say that what "works" in a relationship in the short run is a .7 waist/hip ratio and a pretty face and what "works" in the long run is something close to cash money or services/status provided in stead.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I was panicking that a comment I made might have been taken out of context... and I wanted to clarify... because I so often write cryptic posts
The other comment... about accepting bad behavior... was in relation to/direct memory of how your xbf talks to you... and I can't fathom the person you saying you are... to the person who accepts such bad behavior from your xbf. It isn't your responsibility to teach him how to speak to a woman, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate just because you have a certain fondness for him.
I think about the animal lover you say you are... and out of care for your animals, you would not accept bad behavior from them. So... you tolerating your xbf's verbal crap doesn't sync up for me, of the person you say you are with your animals. Which kind of went along with all the other stuff we were talking about... and I got off on a bit of a mental tangent that I didn't explain very well.
So, that's how I got around to responding to the 'faking' thing... <-- that probably still doesn't make any sense... but hopefully it clears it up some.
True enough. Obviously I would make a lame*ss call girl. It's bad enough that I sell books for a living in terms of mixing business with pleasure. Probably I'd try to charge more to f*ck my pilgrim soul than my hot *zz and be driven into bankruptcy.
I don't think so. I personally think, having met you, that it would be completely and utterly beneath your dignity and HDness to ever have to charge for sex. And that just so does not go with Rainbow Bright... at least not for me.
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However, on my more cynical days I would say that what "works" in a relationship in the short run is a .7 waist/hip ratio and a pretty face and what "works" in the long run is something close to cash money or services/status provided in stead.
I think cynicism is key. You are in... I think... short-term recovery mode, and though you are dating a whole slew of different 'types' of men, I don't get from you that you hold the populace of 'men in general' in a cynical frame of mind. I'm not sure how your psyche is holding up... but... again, you are still in recovery mode... maybe someday you will get to the 'one bad apple spoils the barrel' mind frame... I hope not.
As opposed to our male friends who are now subject to this conversation.
I don't think so. I personally think, having met you, that it would be completely and utterly beneath your dignity and HDness to ever have to charge for sex.
Yeah, it's highly doubtful that I could exchange sex for cash since I have a very hard time even exchanging it for security even though our culture promotes that kind of behavior with little sayings about milk and cows and double standards etc. Pretty much I only want to trade sex and affection for sexy and affectionate and vice versa. I told FSG that I wanted a cuddle-buddy with benefits and he asked me how that was different from a cuddly f*ck-buddy and then he said "Don't you think that someday you would just want me to be your man?"
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I don't get from you that you hold the populace of 'men in general' in a cynical frame of mind. I'm not sure how your psyche is holding up... but... again, you are still in recovery mode... maybe someday you will get to the 'one bad apple spoils the barrel' mind frame... I hope not.
I'm not cynical about men in general. I think that it's at least half my fault that they can't be consistently sexual and affectionate in relation to me. Therefore, I don't blame them for the fact that I need to leave myself free to self-protect by hopping or swinging away. Still, I'm optimistic that I'll figure out how to handle myself better one of these days.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Corri- Thanks so much for clarifying... your point is now crystal clear-- YAY!
Regarding bf treating me badly, especially comparing that to behavior toward animals: THIS IS SO INTERESTING!!! I had a feeling it would be, if I could ever understand you!
You're so right that if someone treats an animal badly, I wouldn't tolerate it, BUT when bf treated me badly I looked at it AS IF A SCARED ANIMAL WERE TREATING ME BADLY.
Do you follow that?
In fact, there was a cat that came up to my house years ago. I called him Bigfoot. Very wild. I first started feeding him by putting the food bowl down and pushing it toward him with a broom. After a while, he would rub his head on the broom before he ate. Then I started to sneak my hand down the handle of the broom until I could touch him. Can you guess how long it was from the time I first fed him until the day I first touched him? TWO YEARS! THAT, my dear, is patience.
I had to catch him in a Havaheart trap to take him in to be neutered. When he went in that trap and it closed, I cried, because I knew he only went in there because he trusted me. He felt betrayed (or I imagined he did). The vet said Bigfoot was so banged up he could hardly locate his testicles! (Hmmm...)
Gradually over the next few years, it got to where he would come up on the patio to eat. I could pet him. Then he developed a large tumor and I had to lift him on the table to eat. But the first time I ever picked him up and held him in my lap was the day I had to take him in to the vet to be put to sleep. THE FIRST TIME... at that point it had been probably six years since I started to feed him.
Many times when I first started seeing bf, I thought of him as Bigfoot. I reminded myself that I have patience, that he was scared, that he didn't mean to hurt me (and I don't think he did).
Once after Bigfoot had been coming up on the patio to eat, I put food down and he swatted me and drew blood. I cried and cried... not because I was mad at him, but because he was still so scared that he could manage to see me as the enemy after all I had done for him. I felt sorry FOR HIM.
Does this sound like my relationship with bf...
OMIGOD: I just noticed BigFoot = bf.
Lil stares in astonishment at the computer screen.
Anyway, it was very important to me that that worn-out, snaggletoothed old kitty should live out his final days in UTTER safety and comfort and I saw to that. If I get to heaven (if there is a heaven) my care of that animal is my ticket there.
He is buried in my kitty graveyard around the roots of an ash tree along with nine or ten others. That tree fell down a few years ago and then new growth sprang up from the roots. It's now kind of a bushy tree, and I imagine that the leaves and bark are made from the molecules of all my cats. I look right at that tree during my early morning poetry breaks.
That was a heart warming story Lil. BB and I are taking care of 1 stray catthat is ours now and one dog that belongs to a military family serving overseas till Aug 2009.
The guys grandmother died, he got to go to the funeral and he stopped in to see his dog. We e-mail pictures and video clips of the dog to his family.
imagine that the leaves and bark are made from the molecules of all my cats. I can visualize the same thing.
You're so right that if someone treats an animal badly, I wouldn't tolerate it, BUT when bf treated me badly I looked at it AS IF A SCARED ANIMAL WERE TREATING ME BADLY.
Scared animals don't treat people badly... they are acting/reacting on their own fears.
I just don't see your bf as I do Bigfoot. I see him as one of the many strays that you have taken into your care over your lifetime. They may be damaged, sure... and you can understand if a dog stoops and makes a puddle on your floor because he does not yet know the 'boundaries.' However, the dog making a puddle on your floor is still not tolerable, and through kindness and quiet strength, you show them that 1) they are safe and 2) making puddles is not 'good' behavior.
I see your xbf as a surly animal, who may in fact be damaged... but that does not mean his surly behavior is acceptable. He may never behave like an animal without such flaws... but tolerating the behavior is, by default, accepting it on your end, and actually ends up enforcing the surly behavior. IMHO.
Kindness, without the quiet strength to say 'enough' spoils the animal. kwis?
I see your point, corri, and I agree with it. I was just having the insight that I didn't see me and bf as two humans in this scenario, but as a human and a wounded animal for whom I had to make all sorts of allowances and excuses. Interesting!
Clearly he is a human, too, and responsible for his behavior.
I see your point, corri, and I agree with it. I was just having the insight that I didn't see me and bf as two humans in this scenario, but as a human and a wounded animal for whom I had to make all sorts of allowances and excuses. Interesting!
Yes. Yes. Yes. Head nod all over the place. That is how I approached xH. Need we say more.
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Clearly he is a human, too, and responsible for his behavior.
