Out of the Blue?

[tomcat65]

Ken your in for a big hurdle,hang on!!Your going to have to be extremly strong.Dont show her a broken man.Stay focused,dont respond harshly it will only push her further away!If she brings up the date thing,your going to have to be bullit proof,try to change subject,dont beg for her to reconsider.I know it will be hard,go by what youve read so far in the books.i will try to be here if you need me.Hang in there!

[kturnernc]

I am going to try and be strong. This is definately a challenge for me. We are going to be leaving in less than an hour. I wonder if she is going to do what she usually does and act like everything is normal. Calling me Honey and crap like that.

My stomach is doing flips right now as I am trying to work through how things will go. Hopefully well.

[kturnernc]

It was very hard. The whole time she acted like nothing was wrong. Out of the blue she started volunteering for scout stuff tonight. She had never done that before. One of her co workers was also a mom of a den member. They both were whispering and i know that they were talking about the separation. She also brought in reinforcements... her mom.

We were very very friendly during the banquet. But the whole time I just wanted to get away from her fakeness. I really don't know what to do. The whole time she was talking with others, I kept thinking about the whole possible date thing. I really need to figure stuff out. Right now I am the polar opposite that I was yesterday. I am totally mixed up.

[seekpeaceofmind]

It's understandable that this would crank you up. Maybe she doesn't want to date but her friends are trying to help her build her confidence or find a distraction, whatever. Most people would feel that it is way too soon to start thinking of dating.

Can you find something else to focus your attention on for a while? It will probably help a lot to think about something else.

[kturnernc]

Seeking... I am trying, trust me I am trying. I know what I should do, but putting it into perspective is hard in practice when your mind is out of whack. I agree that it may not be all her idea, but her still going through with it is tough.

This dating thing is really messing me up as far as my progress is going. Sigh... oh well.

[jandn]

When we went to court for her that is about the same thing her lawyer talked me into was Tues and Weds night all night, take them to her in morning then every other weekend back at 5pm. She kinda got the better deal. I let her come over here on those mornings (well she is in the driveway all the other mornings and nights getting him on and off the bus) and then I hear her about the trash wasnt put out or this or that. But she is trying to get me to see kids more during the week and let them stay 15 miles from school everynight although I have tried to share or even let her have the house.

Anyways, the part about not seeing the kids all weekends slipped out of her too. Thats what I hope gets to her is the time they are with me. But she basically gets to seem them everyday. You arent wrong for feel hope cause I feel it too. Yes be cautious because everything you say and do is being analyzed on the other end. Choose your words wisely because you know how other people hear what they want, or twist them into the way they want them. Good luck man and thanks for posting to me.

[kturnernc]

jandn, dont worry, I am watching what I say and measuring the feeling behind it as well. It is something that I can do no problem. I really have to GAL and start doing some things. I realize that since marriage that I really did not do much outside of the marriage. Thank goodness all my friends are almost the same way and we still keep in close contact with each other.

I plan to keep on doing what I have been doing and more importantly, what I want to do. I am not going to rush into dating just because she seems to be doing that. I have no desire. It is way too soon for me. Anyway, keep up the positive work man, I will be checking in on you.

[kturnernc]

Trying to GAL is harder than I thought. I wonder if I am expecting too much too soon. I mean it was only yesterday that I was thinking on this. The idea of her dating... ugh. Just sends waves of emotions through me.

I really don't know what I am going to do to keep my mind off of her and my sitch. I really need to figure some stuff out. Today has not really been a high point either. I am going to reread some of the sections in the books and some others I got. I am also going to try to get out of the house. Being here alone makes me realize how alone I feel.

Also, yesterday I noticed that the WAW took off her ring. I don't know if she had done that before but I noticed this time. I am trying not to read much into it. But it was a gift from me on our 10th anniversary.

I am on such a wild roller coaster of emotions. Mostly depression and despair.

[seekpeaceofmind]

It is hard - these emotions aren't conducive to GAL; but, we all know that finding other things to do/think about is key to getting control over the emotions. Could you maybe come up with a little "to do" list - a combination of items that include things you like/want to do and things that will give you a sense of accomplishment or relief when they are done? Maybe some short term and some longer term? It will be motivating and also easier to think of "what to do" when you are a loose ends.

[Adorabobble]

Ken,

I like your philosophy, plan for the worst, hope for the best. I think i am going to use it as well. Sounds like you are doing the right things moving forward. I know how hard it is when my kids are with their dad, it downright hurts. He only sees them every other weekend and once in a while for dinner during the week. Good luck!!!!