Ah yes, it's tough when they are in the same house. Are you better with or without her there?
Good question - on one side I get the chance to show support and friendship, but on the other I'm in the crosshairs when she's had a bad day at work. Living as roommates isn't exactly reigniting any romance, but I think it does make her remember what we've invested in each other and that it won't be so easy to walk away.
Quote:
Remember what my H said to me when I asked him if we could try? He said 'I thought that's what we've been doing' and I said 'just that fact you're here means you're trying?'
Good point - I guess I do recognize that she's trying in her own way.
We don't have S - I was using S for separated. OM is a coworker and she's working on a big project with him, but it hasn't been that long ago that she said she was still attracted to him. I think she's going through a withdrawal period, though.
Luckily she has a good friend to turn to right there in her own house.
We don't have S - I was using S for separated. OM is a coworker and she's working on a big project with him, but it hasn't been that long ago that she said she was still attracted to him. I think she's going through a withdrawal period, though.
Luckily she has a good friend to turn to right there in her own house.
lodo
jeesh, I knew that! That's what happens when my brain doesn't keep up with my fingers. But you are right! Be the friend that she can turn too. BTW, how's the triathalon training coming?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Tri training is going great - I must say I'm in pretty damn good shape these days! It's been hell on my wardrobe but that's okay.
Work is crazy busy - that's been the hard part lately. I do okay when I have some free time to regroup, but when the days are a constant onslaught, it's hard to face the home life at the end of the day. I'm sure everyone here knows the feeling.
Wow - grasshopper doesn't just have a thread, he's got a blanket! I'll start in on the reading ...
Just an update. W made a big deal about wanting to fix dinner last night. I've been doing everything - cooking, cleaning, laundry - since she moved back in. No big deal since that has been one of my changes and I've grown to kind of like it, but I think it freaks her out a little. Anyway, she calls around the time I usually start making dinner and says she really wanted to make it and to wait, unless I was hungry. I told her I'd wait. An hour later (it takes 20 mins. for her to get home) I went and started dinner. She came in all flustered and profusely apologizing. Where was she - with OM? I'm pretty sure that's the case but decided not to go there. Anyway, evening was okay but distant and she acted all jittery.
Got up this morning and felt sullen and unsure of why I'm putting up with her. Sat up in bed and thought about getting up when she reaches out and starts stroking my arm. First time that's happened! I liked it, but felt ridiculous that I was responding this way to a single touch - talk about grasping for straws. Later I hugged her and she leaned into me a little. Another straw!
What did Heartbroken write in her thread - 16 mos.? Well, I'm a quarter of the way there!
Been spending too much time reading all the sitches on these boards - my head starts to spin sometimes. So many people have it much worse off than I and yet they still are able to pull things together. Makes me think I need to revisit my DRing techniques and kick everything up a notch.
Another couple of straws. Both W and I got home late last night. She started working more, so I did the same. Eventually came out of the office to find her working the crossword puzzle. I sat down close, leaned against her, and started helping. She didn't pull away and we started talking and relaxing. After we went to bed, she turned her back to me like usual. I went ahead and got as close as I could and put my hands on her. After awhile she turned around and snuggled up to me. Hey, it may not be ML, but it's something!
Going out with friends tonight, so she's on her own. Maybe I should suggest she use the time to unpack her suitcases we've been tripping over the last week?
Hey lodo, I think for the sitch taking this positive turn so recently that the 'closeness' you've had with W is as huge as the big black sky at night! It's natural for you to want the whole pie but remember you are piecing.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks WCW. Wish I felt that positive. She's been acting much closer and hugging back, etc. but I feel like there's a bomb waiting to drop.
Found out W told her sister that she moved back in to feel like she'd tried everything she could (though she's not doing much trying). She also told her sister that she's seen my changes but still feels antsy and isn't excited to come home, isn't sure what she wants, and feels cold inside.
So there it is. Now I'm really struggling. I feel like I need to confront her and say if she isn't willing to commit to things, then she should leave.
So there it is. Now I'm really struggling. I feel like I need to confront her and say if she isn't willing to commit to things, then she should leave.
so complicated ...
lodo
Go ahead and do that if you want to shove her out the door and nail it shut behind her. eewww, that sounded really...<insert your word here>. But really lodo, have you ever been wishy washy about something and the more someone tried to talk you into the more you braced up and thought 'just let me think about it!!! and quit pushing me!!!'
Use this time to your advantage and act like you'll be together forever.
I sure know the feeling of waiting for the bomb to drop. Every time I get to a point of thinking hey I'm making it something snaps and breaks and I am picking myself up again.
Hey lodo, do you mind sharing an email address? would like to share something off board but it's ok if you're not comfortable with that.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
