Thanks W2Go! That was nice to hear. I really am so touched by everyones caring and enthusiasim on my thread, if only my xBF could be a little bit more like that ! Heres the old one last thread
Oh well, had to happen didnt it! Crashed again this morning. Woke up and thought, if things were steadily improving, as they had seemed to be, he would have said "call you over the weekend" as he had before. He wouldnt have added the get out clause of "perhaps" on the end. I've been in floods of tears! I just miss him so much...why doesnt he miss me? I'm fab ! I'm funny ! (well, sometimes), I can play Radiohead songs! (badly). Where else is he going to find a woman like me ?? He obviously is under the impression he can! :-/
I know he has been emailing me daily, and they have been getting longer, but I wonder if it doesnt reflect the fact that HE is doing better. He may be more settled in his bachelor pad now, he has been out playing Squash (no, I dont play T, not without an ambulance on hand), hes been to the pub, he went to the cinema last night. He's just getting on, living his life and maybe feeling better in himself, not as sad, bad, guilty and hating himself as much as he was.
I also keep thinking about the way he pulled that terrible sad face at me last week at the door after we hugged, and then stood and rubbed my arm for a while, it just smacked of pity. Nothing more?
I havent texted him so far yet (its 10 am!), it feels scary too... I'm not sure what to say and I dont want to be rejected. And its cloudy and I woke up with a cold :-( , so I dont think I can causally say, hey I'm going biking. I guess my friend was right to be worried about me, I had got my hopes and expectations up and when reality hits home (another weekend you wake up alone and its maybe 4 months since he made the decision to leave me now)..then it hurts all over again. I miss him so much! I feel like I got myself in a pickle over the word "perhaps", thanks Purr for pointing it out its either neutral or positive. But it just seems, like, well perhaps i'll call you, unless I end up having an alright weekend and I dont need to call you...
Hi Ali Big hug! I've just caught up on your last few days - you make me laugh! I think you could almost have solved world peace or hunger in 3rd world countries, with the energy that has gone into dissecting the word 'perhaps'!
I'm sorry that you are having a crappy day. They are part of the process, and you will find that the dips aren't as steep and you recover faster, but you just have to go with them.
You will be OK! Even if he never comes back, even if he doesn't call this weekend. I promise that you are going to be OK and so much stronger and probably happier that you can imagine. I know it doesn't feel like it right now.... Anyway I'm on the other side of the world, thinking of you, and hoping you are able to do some nice things this weekend and enjoy what you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.
I don't know about you but one thing I appreciate about being single is when I've cleaned the house it stays clean instead of finding grimy fingerprints. And I can read late at night without disturbing someone. And this morning I had chocolate and potato chips in bed for breakfast!!
Ali, if you can't stop over analyzing, I'm going to have to swim over there and spank you!
How about this....before he can come back into the relationship, he has to get better himself! So progress towards that is a good thing! Hang in there, girl!
Essie, I just saw on your thread that you got the job! Yippee for you! Good luck with it!
For the most part, you are handling things well. Of course, you have sadness. Of course, you are hurt. Just means you are human.
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I had got my hopes and expectations up
Yes. This is a killer. One of the things I learned from all this stuff was not to expect, especially from others. You set yourself up. And you mentioned 5 months. Remember what I said before about time. 4 months is very little time for somebody in their mid 30s.
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He's just getting on, living his life and maybe feeling better in himself, not as sad, bad, guilty and hating himself as much as he was.
Perhaps this is what he needs to make himself feel whole.
As for texting, when you don't know what to say, say nothing.
Now my advise for you is to do something nice for yourself. And continue practicing the art of patience.
Hi Jeff and IMP! Well, thanks Essie, its so hard to look at it that way, then it really is OVER. I suppose the crying today is another wave of pain of facing up to that. I miss him so much today. I feel so betrayed, how could he just walk off like that, without a 2nd chance or backward glance? Its as unbelievable now as it was the day he did it. Its agonising. I have been very patient and I am amazed at the progress to date, I am, its just, maybe this is all there is. There doesnt seem to be any sign that he has any doubts or misses me.
I did just text him back 1/2 hour ago. I made some jokey remark about the film last night, dropped a line in from Shaun of the Dead (if anyones not seen that film, go rent it, its hilarious!) and just said, enjoy the rugby if you are watching it.
I didnt say...yes, speak to you over the weekend, as it is already the weekend and that would sound daft. So again, I guess I just have to wait and see. He has had a jam packed one so far though, movie and a drink after last night, pub all day with another friend today and evening, watching Rugby. So I wouldnt be surprised if he wants a day to himself tommorow. But, we still havent discussed the mortgage! He did send me the options, but we havent agreed on one, or phoned them to apply for it ! And I am away Tuesday for 5 days.
I feel very down today. I've been driving around shopping and everywhere reminds me of him. We came here for holidays and it was a big decision to move here, for me, it was about enjoying him all to myself for a bit, in a beautiful setting, before moving back in a few years (as he has SOOO many friends back home).
I was waiting for the eclipse to bring something, it either means final endings and closure, or fresh beginnings..well right now it feels like closure, that we've gone as far as we will and thats as far as he is prepared to go. Hes very slow to make his mind up about things, and when his mind is made up, thats it (he actually said that at the bomb, you know what I am like, he said, I didnt take this decision lightly and I'm not going to change my mind...) Looks like he was right.
I should apologise to anyone reading this, I'm whingeing on and being a "poor me" but I just feel upset and lonely, I stupidly hoped this recent increased contact was heading somewhere, but that hasnt materialised?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
(((((Ali))))) I think that with all the recent contact it would not be at all surprising for him to pull back a little. If we assume that he is having second thoughts, tat means he would have to admit to himself he made a mistake. And a big one. That's going to be hard for him to swallow. He would have to break it into pieces, and take a little at a time.
Don't loose your patience, Ali!
And I am working out the best route for swimming over there!
A little retail therapy never hurt anyone...unless they run up huge debts on a credit card!
And you need not apologize.
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I stupidly hoped this recent increased contact was heading somewhere, but that hasnt materialised?
Remember the old adage - "a watched pot never boils." It means if you wait anxiously for something to happen, it seems to take a very long time. Stop watching the pot. Yes, I know. It is hard to do, but all it does is make you nuts.
Remember the old adage - "a watched pot never boils." It means if you wait anxiously for something to happen, it seems to take a very long time. Stop watching the pot. Yes, I know. It is hard to do, but all it does is make you nuts.
I LOVE that, never heard it before.
Learn something new everyday. Thanks.
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Patience, good woman.
See? just what my Abuelo, (grandad) used to say .
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
