Guys...help.... what do I do now? What do I make of this ?? (I;m sorry to be so helpless all the time !) He texted back saying..
"Hiya. Gone to *hometown*, was feeling bit low. Will be watching rugby later I expect though. You ok?"
so...um...what on earth??? I didnt ask him in my text anything, I didnt say are you ok, I dont know why hes asking me, I dont know what to reply, other than I;m really sorry to hear that, do you want to talk sometime later? Or not that??
Feel horrible him admitting to me he feels low...thats the first time he has said that (other than saying it in context of feeling bad for hurting me, back before christmas).
Feel wierd about this. And frustrated with him !!! Why did he do this to us? I would have been there for him, no matter what. Now we're both "low" !!!
Ali
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Guys...help.... what do I do now? What do I make of this ?? (I;m sorry to be so helpless all the time !) He texted back saying..
"Hiya. Gone to *hometown*, was feeling bit low. Will be watching rugby later I expect though. You ok?"
so...um...what on earth??? I didnt ask him in my text anything, I didnt say are you ok, I dont know why hes asking me, I dont know what to reply, other than I;m really sorry to hear that, do you want to talk sometime later? Or not that??
Feel horrible him admitting to me he feels low...thats the first time he has said that (other than saying it in context of feeling bad for hurting me, back before christmas).
Feel wierd about this. And frustrated with him !!! Why did he do this to us? I would have been there for him, no matter what. Now we're both "low" !!!
Ali
What to make of it? Hmmmmm, well he has gone back to *hometown*, probably to recharge, since he was feeling a little bit low. He will probably watch the rugby there. And he wonders how you are doing.
He might be asking you how you are because he'd like to know. Or because it is the polite thing to do. Answering is a little tricky, I think. I would go with telling him that you are doing ok, and will be going to a bike ride tomorrow, or you are practicing the guitar, something like that. Make it something that he would have done with you. I think that might get him to think that you would be there to support him, without you even coming close to saying it. You don't want to tell him you are low, it would just feed his guilt.
You are getting so much good advice from everyone else I don't feel like I have anything to add but...
listen to what they are saying!!!
The return of the WAS, from what I understand, is not a straight and smooth line. It is a jagged up and down line. the "downs" are part of the process. If he's coming back it is going to be on his terms, his timetable. Which means maybe a weekend together, a weekend or two distancing from you. That is normal!!!
Hang in there, girl! Take care of yourself, STOP ANALYZING, FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE (for example: you are communicating! he asked how you are doing), TAKE A BREAK from worrying about every little thing he does! Do something nice for yourself!
I know it's easier said than done, but when you do it, you REALLY do feel better!!
Ahhh.. (god this is exhausting !)..well, whilst agonising over my reply, drawing up logic diagrams of all the possible permutations of responses and the cause and effect of every statement (I'm kidding)...he sent me another text !
It was something jokey back to my jokey text about last night...So. Whanged a reply straight back. I said I was sorry to hear he was feeling low and I hope it helps to be back home. I've been working hard all day and I said call if you want a chat. Oh dear Jeff, do you think I may have spooked him back into the woods!!??
I dont expect him to call at all, as he is around people. I thought I'd be brave though and extend an olive branch, make it easy for him. He did text me twice at least! (god I hate mobile phones).
I am amazed that he has admitted to me "I feel low"..it cant be to do with me (?) - I havent put any guilt trip on him since before Christmas. I guess he could be lonely in his crummy flat. But, he was out last night...then must have woken up and literally couldnt face 2 days by himself before he went back to work on Monday..and probably didnt want to have to phone me again and see me. That puts a different slant on the past two weekends, maybe my friend was right, maybe he spent time with me just because he is low and needed company and it doesnt mean that he is having any regrets.
Or maybe he is missing me, but cant admit it.
I will look back on this phase of my life as just about the most frustrating series of events that I ever had to live through !!! Beam me up Scotty !!! (((Jeff))) (((IMP))) (((T !!)))
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
((((((FlowchartAli))))) I don't think you spooked him with that, Ali! It might be a hair more than I'd have done, but all you did was let him know you are there for him. I think you are right not expecting a call!
He is seeking you out, or at least letting you know, when he is missing something in his life. Don't try to analyze it anymore than that! And do the "la la la la la, I can't hear you" thing in your head, when your friend starts talking!
It's frustrating, but at least you got to meet us!
WOW Ali! He is really extending his baby steps to strides! Going from no contact at all, to dates and multiple contacts within a day! Brilliant!
I think it'll be really interesting to see if he does call, and I don't think it was wrong to suggest he calls if he wants to speak. It's what you'd do for a friend who said they were low right? And I would say that him feeling low can't be to do with you (apart from him missing you maybe!).
Love the logic diagrams idea by the way- (being a scientist). I haven't done one of those yet, but it sounds like an excellent project!
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
