Out of the Blue?

[kturnernc]

APOM, I think you are right. I think a list would be good. It will help me do little things that seem to be productive. I am already making a list of things that I like about myself. One more won't kill me. And I know that those thoughts and feelings are not productive, but as I have found out, there is a huge difference between knowing and actually putting that knowledge to work.

And Adora, if anything I say seems to help, please by all means take it, use it. Oh, and you mentioning that it hurts when you don't have the kids on the weekend, kind of makes me feel a bit better about my sitch. At least I know that the wife can be bothered by the situation that she has started as she has not shown too much emotion to me up to this point. Guilty pleasure or knowledge that this hurts her too? Should I take hope in that? Who knows at this point.

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts all.

[W2G]

Hi Ken,

I have a hard time thinking of ways to GAL.. and I found this thread inspiring.. hopefully you will too.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1362516&page=0&fpart=1

[kturnernc]

Thanks W2G, I will look at it and hopefully it will give me some good ideas.

[kturnernc]

That was a good link describing little things that may improve my outlook on things. I am being nicer and talkative for others in my building at work that I have never spoken to. It has made me a bit happier.

Overall update, both boys were sick this past weekend. It was a hard weekend because of that. Got a few clues that WAW was possibly trying to get a date or be fixed up. This hurt me tremendously and has obviously put doubt on if our R can be fixed. Right now, I think I may talk to my doctor about the medication I am on. I am feeling very anxious just about all the time now. My eating habits have gone back down. Thought I had at least fixed that issue before. I feel I have slipped personally, but not on the DB techniques. The WAW does not know that anything is wrong and I plan to keep it that way. I am reviewing the overall points to DBing again and again making sure that I am not going to slip. I am fighting the urge to spy on her to verify my feelings of the possible dating. I am just not in a good place right now. I am trying to wrap up in work, in tv, anything to get me through this spot.

[BradNL]

Hi

I know the anxiety is a big issue when this all kicks off, ask your doc for some Xanax, really takes the edge off the racing mind/pounding heart anxiety attacks. And I will say what everyone else here knows, DO NOT spy/snoop/etc, it will only make you feel worse.

And for keeping busy, try hooking up with friends, watch a movie, get out the house and GAL. After a while of doing those kinds of things you will even stop thinking about what your W is doing all the time... You need to get YOU back before your W will even notice that she might want you back.

You are still in the early days, a good, positive attitude (PMA) will help a lot and, if you follow DB principles pretty well you will not be adding pressure/reasons to your W's book of "why I should leave".

Great that you found DB early on, a lot of us come here after we make all the usual mistakes of begging, pleading etc.

Brad

[tomcat65]

Hey ken,whats up,hope your doing fine I am!!!The thing with the spying is going to be hard,Already went through that phase and it is awful.You cant be thinking like that,it will tear you apart.i know these are just words but that is where the detachment comes in.the hadest part so far.As you can see from this board,a lot of people have made it,you can to
Chin up,walk tall and hang on!!! Tom

[kturnernc]

Thanks for the wise words guys. I have sworn off the spying. But am still worried that she has no desire what so ever to get back. And I guess right now she doesn't. Oh but she will!!! I am DBing and doing what I think is right and am going to continue to GAL... one of the little things that I have started doing is simply talking to the people I encounter through out the day. It has made me smile on more than one example.

Anyway, the latest is that she changed over some of our insurance policies without informing me of this change. So I kind of found out. But she stated that this was just something else that she had to put into her account for autodraft and another step to separating completely. And that it was not her being sneaky. We agreed to give each other advance notice so as not to seem sneaky or underhanded. She still seems like she is going full steam ahead on the separation agreement. She mentioned the paperwork again. I know that there is a difference between separation and divorce papers. Nothing is final either way. I am trying to stay positive in everything.

I guess this is the 'up' portion of the roller coaster.

[addie]

You are doing great with your DB.

You cannot control your W's actions. If she wants to date, she will do it and anything you say or do right now will only make her more determined to go ahead.
One suggestion - is there anything else you can do for yourself to GAL - join a gym, take up a sport or activity, take a general interest class, go out with friends. I'm not sure if you're doing any of this but it really helps with the PMA. It's to be expected that you will have some good days and some not so good days. Keep up the positive attitude!

[seekpeaceofmind]

I am being nicer and talkative for others in my building at work that I have never spoken to. It has made me a bit happier.

There are a lot of magazine articles about happiness now. Skimming one in Readers Digest in the dentist office today I noticed a comment about the great importance of social connections for overall happiness - and it specifically mentioned even if the connection is with a stranger.

[Just_Me]

I have sworn off the spying. But am still worried that she has no desire what so ever to get back.

I know the feeling, but what can you do about it if she doesn't have a desire to get back together with you? Nothing. So, worrying is simply for you...it doesn't aid your task. I'd argue it hurts with your ability to detach and to show the strong, confident you. It'll suck, but you'll survive.