Partner left after 9 years - now we're friends??

[MichelleLT]

You are going to have a great time on that trip! I think it will actually be a really good thing to have a bit of a break from the whole stitch. Having a fun break from the whole stitch mean you will come back happier and ready to DB your butt off.

I'm glad to hear he is opening up more and more. I know it's hard to be patient, we all want things to go back to being a happy couple. But it has to work on his timeline.

Hope you are having a great day!

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Kalni, Jeff and OneDay! I'm not going to cancel but I am nervous about going..I hate flying ! Wanted to show my BF I can fly, its a massive 180 for me. We didnt go abroad alot because of my fear and he wasnt that happy about it. Our last two holidays were to Norway and Sweden, I did it for him but I could only manage an hour flight! (and wept and panicked all the way). Berlin is a 3 or 4 hour flight I think! So, wish me luck, I will probs be breathing into a brown paper bag the whole way :-0

Hey Michelle, fancy coming to live in DB HQ! You can drill us round the lounge to help us keep up the fight :-)
I have had yet MORE messages today (ok, two! But thankyou Oneday for pointing out that I am getting more and more and better quality communications from him. I must sound like an ungrateful brat whining that nothing has changed, I was just disheartened that he took off back home instead of opening up to me, but hey ho). Anyway...latest installment (this is like some crummy low grade Soap Opera, like Knotts Landing !!?)

He texted this afternoon to say - Only kidding about his friend, he didnt try it on really! and the film was very mad and full of carnage.

I left it several hours before replying that he really had me going there for a while, funny, and that I heard the body count was 230+ and that I hoped he was ok.

He replied STRAIGHT BACK telling me the film was indeed gory and too horrible in places for him to watch, that he was "ok-ish" and probably back tommorow, he thinks. He then said "Hope you're ok too". Hmm...wonder if he will stay up there a few more days?? and why is he telling me that?

Its like he's playing me at my own game now!! I dont reply when he asks, you ok? but just say "hope you're ok" and he replies saying "hope you're ok too". Its like some kind of DBing duel! Whose gonna fire first!?

He sent this a couple of hours ago and I feel a bit mean, as I havent replied as yet. Should I keep the communication going?

Was thinking of replying "Sorry your ok-ish, I hope you have some company there. I did hear the film was very gory! I have been working today" and that was it. Usual question...SHOULD I REPLY?? :-)

[Virtually_Handsome]

I think you should reply, just keep things at the same level.

(((((Ali)))))

You are doing great! You are just so close to it that you can't see it!

[One Day]

I vote reply aswell! Want to try an experiment? How about saying you've been working today but are excited because you're going away for a few days.

Baby steps- turning into a toddle!

[AliSuddenly]

Oh hi guys, I did reply then, thanks! I sent him one back saying (oh dear, maybe this was wrong !)..
I'm sorry you are feeling only ok-ish. I hope you are in good company. Yeah I heard it was very gory! I just saw Atonement, it was a bit too pouty, but a good story"

That was it ! Oh dear! No jokes for once. Nothing for him to respond to and sure enough, he hasnt. I was going to mention Berlin, but I chickened out! Why didnt I just tell him when I saw him last week? I think he will be a bit mad? Or maybe he wont even care...I mean, he did leave me afterall! What does he care what I do?? He doesnt even care how I am managing to pay the rent (I'm not!). I'm wondering if he regrets moving back here and renting a small flat by himself? He is staying up home until tommorow (he has an office up that way he can hotdesk from).
Ali
___________
Me: 36
H: 34
T: 9 years
ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07
Own apartment: 26 Jan 08

[Kalni]

Ali,

you must be the N#1 super overanalyser on these boards. Your prize is in the mail darling!

You did fine with the message and maybe, just maybe the poor guy is the bathroom (HELLO ALI!!!).

And please stop worrying about Berlin. If you can't tell him, do you think he will be more upset if he finds out after you come back? If not, maybe that's an option. Let him talk to the German Operators and he'll figure it out... (that would be a surprise- yes and when he asks "where are you", tell him your ex has invited you over to cheer you up!!! JUST JOKING)(although you have to admit, 2 weeks ago it would sound tempting).

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kalni

[AliSuddenly]

Hello Kalni, my favourite Greek person ! You are funny. He may have been in the "loo"...

He just replied again. AGAIN! My god, if he keeps harrassing me in this manner, I may have to change my phone number :-)

It wasnt earth shattering, he just said that he'd heard it was a good film... so I will reply that it was a good and then boast that I can now play Street Spirit by Radiohead on the guitar (with mistakes!). But I HAVE been practising every day and I have got better and I can play it now. That was one of my goals!

Anyway...texting back...D DD DDDD D DD DDD.... etc

How did people do DBing in the 1950s before emails/texts/mobile phones/DBing???

[MichelleLT]

You should slip something in there about your trip. Since you are in daily contact right now, he's definitely gonna wonder if you suddenly stop replying. Maybe he'll give you an opening, like talk to you later this week or something where you can casually slip in that you'll be out of town.

I can't believe how much you guys are talking! It's absolutely mind-boggling.

[RefuseToLose]

Ali,

It sounds like you've got him crawling back. Remember to take it slow, don't get your hopes up too high, but just let him come back to you at his pace.

Have a safe flight, take some anti-anxiety medicine and enjoy Berlin. You'll have a blast and he'll be missing you. I'd be surprised if you didn't get several texts while you are away.

RTL

[AliSuddenly]

Hi everyone. Well I wish I could have all of your optimism! And I am always an optimistic person in most situatuons, but not in this one. I think it is a telling sign, after 4 months of him deciding its over (and longer than that since he first started to feel unsure about us, maybe 8 months?)...that when he feels low, he goes back home. And I did offer in a text message that he could phone if he wanted a chat, and he didnt phone. Also, he had said Friday, speak over the weekend perhaps? And we didnt.

I guess from an outside perspective, that where we have got to now from NC, looks amazing, things are on the up. But it depends why he is contacting me!? I wonder if it isnt just to appease his guilt, or maybe its because he is lonely and struggling, or maybe he does miss my company and friendship (he said after the bomb that yes part of him missed me, but not enough, that he didnt miss "us".). He said that in November, or early December, so a while ago, when things were very difficult between us.

Its interesting that you all see it as positive and, yes, take it slow and dont get your hopes up, but that he seems to be coming back toward me. But I just cant seem to view it like that. A few jokey text messages is all, he's never broached any kind of feelings or R talk since December (and that was me bringing it up!). I am amazed that he admitted to me that he was low. And now I am wondering if I shouldnt have been more compassionate and asked "why are you low?", but that goes against DBing right?

I dont have any answers and am just thinking aloud. I have missed him so much this weekend and found it very very hard. And I havent seen him this week and am away tommorow. So another week goes by.

Ali