I've never been separated, so maybe I am just stupid. But I can't understand how someone can expect you to pay the mortgage (or rent) on your current home, and not live there. If you pay the bills, you have a right to live there.
I was not faithful in my past and i don't believe i can do things as most because of that.
My only choices are:
Remain in house with w(miserable)(prob lead to d). I'm not miserable she is. Well i am miserable but not as much as she is.
File for d and fight for coustady(this hurts salvation of m).
move out and hope w comes around(this gives w space(witch she respected when i was in camper. she says?))(also hurts me in any custody if she doesnt come around).
VERY confusing! I really dont know what to do!
Any sugestions would be appreciated.
Just when i thought i had some time to fig out what i needed to do w pushes on. meaning she wants me out of our house.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
I stand by what I said before. It's your house you have a right to live in it. Maybe you made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't? You were unfaithful to her....what is she doing? Past mistakes don't take away your right to your home or your family. If she doesn't like it, she can find an apartment. And pay for it herself.
Truthfully, i think the same! Only she would take kids, starting ball rolling for You Cant do that my L said. Huge battle. I just really would like her to wake up. I realize thats prob not going to happen. Maybe im just delaying the inevitable. Or am i showing her how much i care about her?
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
OK, you will never know where the road not taken leads. But there are a lot of situations on this board. I have seen several where the wife promised if only the husband would move out things would get better and there would be a hope of reconciliation. And you know what? Those men are still in apartments. They are getting divorces -- DaveJ, No Code Blue, Dom someone. They all say that they were too trusting and too nice, and they didn't do themselves any favors.
Sara, I do worry about this, ALOT. So really its get d now or later.
Last evening w kept asking about me getting apt. She says im controlling her. She says im not giving her money.
Insane! If im controling her then stop with om! Lets think about money! We had a small savings account. Credit cards dwindling down. Not in bad shape at all. Now no savings, refinanced a loan to pay off several cc, have two maxed cc, really still sliding backwards as far as im concerned. controlling her, BS!
light switch
got to go to work ill stop in at noon
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Even though I did not post until 2/2007 - I had been reading out here daily since August 2006.
From EVERYTHING I have read I would NOT jeapardize your rights/custody by moving out and potentially being labeled as an "abandoning father".
If she wants/needs space SHE SHOULD MOVE OUT. When my H moved out - separating really did not help us other than he got to see what life was like w/out the kids on a nightly basis (we felt it was best that they stayed in the home w/their stuff - he got them on Friday eves - thru Sunday - but not even always this).
Both H and I felt the separating was more of a timeout vs. helping in any real sense.
Your W seems more like SHE is controlling (or trying to). I would really think about how likely she is going to change her mind and try reconcillation - it seems she should be able to make this decision with you there at home just as easy if you are gone. I sense she wants to get you out at the first cut to the ties - I would be afraid of never getting back in...
My IC said that most therapists would recommend staying in the same place to work on the R - NOT move out.
And what's with the complaint of you not giving her money - does she think you will do this once you D????
Just my .02 -
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I do agree with you. She says if she leaves it will be with the kids. My L said she wouldnt be allowed to do this. If it comes to her leaving and us disagreeing about kids i think our marrage and any hope to have a great wonderfull future with my w will be gone.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Do i look weak letting her do this waiting for her to make the next move? Pressuring me into moving out, Her moving out and trying to take kids.
w made the comment that om knows what he wants in life and no one will tell him different. Im pushing on focusing on kids and myself. If i left right now i doubt s8 would get homework done. Not that she hasnt done it before but she is preoccupied.
Just thinking out loud: sleeping pill may be kicking in:
What can i do to help save my m? Filing-bad staying in rut connected to a rollercoaster-bad moving out with the risk of coustadylater-bad
What can i do different? seperate finances-good not that there is any $ left after pd cancel some cable to reduce bill- good dont watch most of those stations anyway stop contributing to 401k temp- good $50 paycheck not renew cell phone plan when it comes up- good able to quit any time fix wall where we took out cubboards- good needs to be done
I dont even need to talk to her and she is miserable im in the house with her. I think this is her prob, she should pretend im not here and see if thats what she wants. So upset im here but "im going to take a shower"
ENOUGH time for bed light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
