I just went to find my thread and realized it was locked! I am still out here daily - just not posting to my own sitch (have not since 12/27/07). Hard to post as changes are not as fast as when we were in crisis mode.
Things are going great - some days better than others but we are doing a helluva a lot better than last year at this time - he moved out to that apt 2/23/07 and the kids and I hated that time.
We have not been doing our Retro writing but we do talk A LOT!! Last weekend he admitted he still has bouts of sadness - guilt at breaking up OW's family (like she did not have a hand in it too) and guilt for all the hurt he has caused me/us.
But we got through that weekend - actually took the kids for two days of skiing and he realizes how much he would have lost had he continued with the D. He now knows he'd be giving away FOUR years of time with the kids if he only saw them part time...he has these eye openers more so now as he continues to come out of "the fog".
I as doing okay too - getting better at handling my OW "sightings" at the school but that should end this year as my youngest moves into the middle school next year (and OW stays at the elem - YEAH!!!!!).
We are planning a ton of boating trips this year - already have a slip booked in Milwaukee for the July 4th week!! YEAH!!
All in all things are more positive than negative and we continue working on the new R we now have. Yes we lost some of that innocence but I truly belive (like I always did) that we will be better b/c of all this.
Happy Monday everyone!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
So nice to have an update! I'm glad that things are moving forward for you. I feel the same way in my sitch--nothing exciting happening, but gratitude for overall progression and the end to the trauma of separation. Your plans for the year sound like so much fun! It's wonderful that you will be playing together as a family.
1) Read Read Read out here and other books and material - learn from our mistakes. It's seems there are a lot of set patterns these WAS's do/say and to avoid some of the emotional rollercoaster rides learn from those of us that have been there...
2) Patience Patience Patience - had someone told me it would be 16 MOS BEFORE I heard ILY from my H I would have flipped - so important to GAL and contiue focusing on you.
3) Your spouse can only fix themselves (believe me I thought I was the best problem solver too) we CANNOT force them a long any faster. If you rush one stage you will find yourself many steps backwards...
4) Sometimes things happen for a reason and it's out of our hands - let the higher powers take control - you will find peace that much sooner.
5) Take from these boards what works for YOU and YOUR sitch - everyone is different and every spouse is different...
6) Only you know what you can handle - your direction will come
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Thank you for the advice. Wow...16 months then I do have a LONG way to go. I am very guilty of wanting things to move along faster. I just want this Hell to be over with, but I am starting to realize that it is going to be a long road.
Thanks again!
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well it's been some time since I last posted - almost two months. I read up on everyone I can - most days but have been more lurking than anything.
Things are going great for H and I despite the fact he is coaching OW's son in flag football. Talk about avoiding someone at the game (and there are ONLY 9 kids on our team). I have started talking with her XH since we were pretty close pre-A. He is doing well but struggling $$$wise since he gave her double the CS he was required to. Now they are back at court - he wants it reduced obviously she doesn't. She had the gall to email me last week asking me NOT to communicate things to her X in regards to her son, b/c I had sent the game schedule to the man since he has the boys 3 out of 4 weekends and she did not share the schedule with him!!!! Well like I owe her ANYTHING!!!!!!!! Boy she sure has nerve!!! If I get another email I may let her have it - though I have always taken the high road and it has worked for me so far!!
H and I have had some conflicts but he is learning to stand up to me and how to "fight fair" and I am learning that he will not bail at the first sight of a fight...We are re-learning how to make the M a priority and we are having fun with our kids...BUSY but fun!
It's hard to put this all past me - (since the skank OW cannot let me be) but each day does get better and better. We don't seem to talk about the A as much as we did three mos. ago!
Have a great week and thanks for reading!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Glad you are friendly to OW's H, poor guy deserves a schedule!! OW is skankity skank skanky, as usual. High road, my friend, she'll hate it even more than a snarky response.
SO glad to hear you and H doing so well. Very happy for you!
