Thanks guys, I am feeling poorly ((Jeff!)). I'm going to decide in the morning whether to go or not, we arent leaving until lunchtime. I havent packed yet ! :-)
I will look at your moon signs, but not back till Saturday night, so cant look till then! But happy to. I'll email you Dar.
I didnt text him in the end. No word from him either. I have prety much decided to not email him and explain that I am going away. If he emails me in the week, I will decide whether or not to reply (we have internet access in the hotel..and whether or not to tell him I am away ! Or where I am! Feeling like I hit another wall tonight..I know its encouraging he spent time with me recently, but until he says anything, its still over. I never thought I could be this heartbroken again (I was when I was 23).
Yes St Johns Wort is good, as are brazil nuts - 6 a day to beat depression. Acupuncture can be good for giving your flagging spirits a boost and "shifting" things, surprisingly powerful!
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
(((((Ali))))) I hope you feel better soon, I am afraid your illness is messing with your emotions!
I am trying to understand what you want? He is reaching out, and getting closer to you! He is NOT going to just wake up one day, and say, "Gosh, I messed up! I'll ring Ali right now, and tell her I am a total and complete idiot, and I want to get back together and pretend all this didn't happen!" It isn't going to be that way! It is going to be rebuilding a new relationship, that slready has a head start because of your history together. It will be texts, nad some phones calls, maybe come bike rides, or visits to the pub to watch football. Perhaps a walk on the beach. Then maybe a few days of cooling off, might not even get a call. Then a movie, or a concert, maybe a picnic.
You've been doing so well Ali! Just realize that this is the "journey of 1000 miles that begins with a single step!" And all the other cliches! Baby steps!
If it was over you would not be hearing from him the way you are, Ali. No guarantees, but don't shoot yourself in the foot!
Please cheer up...you are always so upbeat...you need snap to!!! This trip will be fun! Think of it as an adventure...a GAL step in the right direction. Don't worry so much about the sitch. Try to let things go...even for a day or two and go out and have a fun time in Berlin! Nothing is going to get worse in the days you are gone...what could possibly change...BF will just wonder where you are and if you are ok if he hasn't talked to you in a few days...maybe he should wonder...???? What can it possibly hurt?
Find the fun Ali and tell her to get with it and get packing!
I'm in your corner and sending good thoughts your way!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Guys...I dont think I can go becuase...THATS WHERE THE OM MOVED TO !!!! And my BF had resentments about all that, naturally, and was very hurt that I went there TWICE in the past 3 years all after the EA (with a little bit of nearly PA at the end I have to add) broke up. He was very sensitive about me going last time.
With things so tenuous between us, it just doesnt feel safe to rub his nose in it !!?? I was saying to RTL..why meet a waitress for a coffee...can you be sure how your W would react if she found out? Well, I cant be sure how my BF would react when I tell him where I am/have been (and I dont think I can just ignore his messages/emails after we are back in contact now and I cant lie). I really dont feel good abut telling him..thats why I havent so far! It feels really scary, I wonder if it wont bring up all those old feelings and push him away again, just as he is reaching out a little bit. And I am feeling very poorly today!
It just feels like a risky thing to do right now. And its not as if I havent been before, I've been twice recently !
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Sorry to be a smart a$$ but I knew it... I knew that you fear of what he 'll be thinking about it was behind all your hesitations for this trip. When you decided to go you had no contact with him and you felt, what? Free maybe? Now, you have contact with him and you feel you owe it to him to be a "good girl"? What is it? Let's pretend you were in his shoes. Dazed and confused and lost. But you still loved him deep down inside. Could this trip make you stop loving him? Could it? Fear is a very poor consultant. And I just hope you don't regret it. Not missing the trip. Letting him run your life. That is the point here.
On the other hand, maybe you should plan another trip instead, somewhere where you haven't been and would feel comfortable with... I don't agree (you didn't ask, I know) with your decision not to go, but I UNDERSTAND (I probably wouldn't have gone either!!!!).
Hey Kalni...I am worried about doing anything to jeopordise how he views our sitch as it feels like its hanging by a thread right now ! But theres no way of knowing whether he would've cared or not.
But also, its the worst time to go away right now..remember my tenants that got burgarled? I was worried about going away because of that, and sure enough I got hit with a letter today saying I am in breach of my contract (I'm not!). They're trying to blame me. I'm stressed and waiting to speak to a solicitor. I knew that I would get hit with letters on my return, so I decided not to go...and I was right!
My tenants say they dont want any more visits, but they signed and agreed I could show buyers around. Yesterday I showed a buyer round and he loved it..they want a second viewing tommorow, which I will have to do, if I can get the tenants to agree! It would be a massive relief to get the flat sold.
I have noticed that I have been negative since last week. I think the eclipse did affect me (it hit my Moon almost exact!) and it has left me feeling shaken and emotional. I think everything sort of caught up with me. Its like I have been on "high alert" in some kind of survival mode, since this all started back in September. I have been very concious and aware of every day, every feeling, every pain and hurt. I feel like I have been on the edge of something for months, expecting the worst, in some kind of flight or fight mode, when really, the worst already happened, he left! I feel tired and ill and now stressed by L letters !!
There is a Mercury conjunct Venus coming up in Aquarius soon, so for Leos (my BF) this traditionally would mean "talking about emotional issues with a significant other", specifically, things that had gone unsaid previously, to clear the air or speak up emotionally. Its also about money, as Venus rules money.
I guess I am expecting him to speak to me, and maybe also, I will sell the flat! I dont know if I did the right thing not to go away, but considering I have to fight my tenants legally and also, must do this viewing tommorow, I probably was right not to go! I'm sorry you think I am a wimp :-( I am struggling a bit!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Since you have alot going on with the flat, then I would say to POSTPONE the trip. If you don't feel comfy going to Berlin because of exBF, then I would make a plan to go somewhere else. Maybe somewhere new?
Did you notice I said I would probably not have gone either? I unerstand how you feel. Completely. You live every emotion to it's maximum, when you hit lows you really do it and when you are feeling optimistic and good, you are flying. I AM JUST LIKE YOU!!! I for one am a person that fully respects and follows insticts and gut feelings and feelings. The "Wimp" part was just a joke (stupid one if it made you feel bad).
But, I insist, that we, all of us, myself included of course, need to GAL for us. Just US. It's not helping us to continue live life as if they were with us because they are not.
I am with you 100% of the way. But I hate to see you struggling with "ifs" and "what ifs". Sometimes I can even hear your thoughts drawning (spell check pls?) you. I truly hate that because I am convinced you are a great girl and you deserve the best...
I understand why you didn't go. It's ok, especially with being sick. Planning to go to Berlin didn't have ANYTHING to do with former OM, right? I just want to make sure.... I know you arranged it when you were feeling pretty hopeless about BF.
