I DON'T KNOW

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Well I got the ultimtum. W says she wants me to leave and says if i dont, she will. she wants an answer today. I know she will take kids and i will have to contact lawyer and prob police. I cant do that to my w!

I feel i am forced to move out or become a complete a$$ h0le to my w. Ruining any chance of reconciliation.

I would sure like to know if she will step up and take care of our kids. She hasnt been herself for a long time.

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[karen43]

Have you seen a lawyer? Do you want to move out? I always thought it was better not to move out if you can avoid it, but I would def. talk to a lawyer! Then you can make your lawyer be the bad guy, like I want to move out, but my lawyer says I can't b/c "whatever reason the lawyer gives you." And you can be just as sweet as can be to her. Karen

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I have seen a L. I do not want to move out.
My L said to stay in house to have a better chance at coustody.

I'm the bad guy if i stay and make w miserable just being here.
I'm the bad guy if i file and fight for coustody.

I am sooooooo disapointed in my w right now.
She wants to persue om that knows he is breaking up a family.

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[karen43]

I have seen a L. I do not want to move out.
My L said to stay in house to have a better chance at coustody.

I'm the bad guy if i stay and make w miserable just being here.
I'm the bad guy if i file and fight for coustody.

I am sooooooo disapointed in my w right now.
She wants to persue om that knows he is breaking up a family.

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I guess you are saying your W sees you as the bad guy if you stay b/c obviously no one else would! As I said I would just blame the lawyer b/c as you said, he told you to stay in the house, and just tell W you need to follow your lawyer's advice or you would def. move out otherwise. Just blame everything on your L and make him the bad guy. And truthfully, I can't believe your W doesn't know who is really at fault in this situation, don't you think? Karen

[Sara]

I think she is bluffing. Where is she going to go with all the kids and how will she support all of them? She thinks she can make you do what she wants. From what SuperDad says, the court doesn't mess with how married people treat each other financially. She can get half of everything in a divorce, but while you are married, you can give her what you choose to give her.

[SuperDad]

Hi Sara! Don't know how I got to LS's thread, but then I saw I was cited in your post...eirie.

Anyway, LS. Hi there. I am going to say some stuff here that is a bit out there, but it worked for me:
- she ain't going anywhere, at least not for long.
- let her go.
- let her take the kids (it won't last more than a short while)
- let her file

- be the rock.
- live your life.
- completely detach yourself from her rollercoaster.
- stop trying to "save" your marriage. If it is meant to be, it will be, but you have to reclaim your life first.

Along those lines:

- cancel all joint accounts, pay all the bills, but..
- give her nothing and tell her to get a job if she wants some money.

I did this and my W was livid, I mean PISSED!!!! She asked for me to give her "temp. alimony". I told her she could try for that by filing for the big D, but I did not think she would get it since I was already paying all the bills.

She is still living here 5 mo. later, but at least is working enough from home to pay for her stuff (incl. plane tix to visit OM). It is not optimal, I would prefer if she would get a real job and a real life and find a place of her own.

Unfortunately, I do not any longer want to save my marriage. I can see that you still do. But in any case, without RESPECT, what kind of marriage will it be? I don't think that our W's respect us at all, we are just a source of security for them. They are like teenagers and need someone to put their foot down and say "Enough is enough", either treat me with some respect or get out of my life.

OK, rant over...

Whatever you decide to do, best wishes!

SD

[Sara]

Thanks, SD. That was the rant I was looking for. You did it perfectly.

[Sara]

and on cue. That is what is really impressive.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ahhh, my kind of man . . .

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Karen, sara, sd, and puppy

I would like to thank you for your thoughts and advice!!

I feel in my sitch i have to move out. I can here the unsureness in my w's voice. In an earlier conversation I got a retroville plug in, W was claiming i would feel the same way about her that she feels about me after a while if i dont already. I said i wouldnt if you would go to counceling w/me to fig this out. She said she would need to be committed to it before she would go at all. I said retro isnt councelling and you are asked to go w/open minds, thats it(thanks sara).
In a later conversation i brought up seperate bank accounts and asked how is this going to work with the kids. I really dont think she has thought everything through at all. She reminded me of one of my bosses at work, to the point of, just get it done not thinking at all how you get there.

Inlaws are coming this weekend. There turn to stay at our house. I get along good with them. I think it will be akward though. I volenteered to drill holes sat morning before kids ice fishing tournament. Expecting 300 kids this year. bil will bring his kids and pretty sure fil will go. s8 and d12 are going w/me. Going to see if mil will stop out to see its not as bad as she thinks. Either way its going to be fun.

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