WERE YOU AN MLCer?

[sgctxok]

Have you had your own personal Midlife Crisis? Have you 'gotten through' it? What were your experiences?

Your experience may help someone else here understand what their spouse is going through.

Perhaps you can share what actions of your spouse, family, friends, helped you and/or hindered you?


Feel free to tell your story here or post a link to your thread.




Great idea, Short!!!

[enlightenbylife]

Thank you sg, for putting this up and thank you short for suggesting this.

I am VERY interested and look forward to what will unfold here......

I'm positive that we can all learn from MLC's

Enlightenedbylife

[short1]

You're welcome. Hope we get some takers.

[butterflymom]

favoriteweirdo's thread

Here is a link to just what you are looking for. Favoriteweirdo's thread from just a few months ago.

He is my husband, but I think his posts offer a lot of valuable insight into the mind of an MLCer.

He no longer posts here and is now at 40/60 due to some very negative feedback that he got from many posters on here (seems like more of the same has been happening lately too). I find it incredibly sad that you guys look so much for posters like him (enough to start a thread about it) and then a few take it upon themselves to bash instead of being supportive of his current path. Anyway, good stuff written by him in this thread. Hope it gives someone some help in some way.

We are still doing great! The honeymoon phase is definitely over, but with constant communication and work we are getting through some of the tough stuff that comes up from time to time.

Feel free to contact either of us through our email(can be found in our profiles). I am always available to answer any questions and so is he.

BFM

[missmyfriend]

Hi BFM, tell your H I said hi!

To be frank, although that is not my name . Sorry couldnt help myself.

Anyway, I think the reason for why people have responded negatively (and I am not pointing fingers otherwise I would probably poke myself in the eye doing it), is that people are very damaged here. People who have been hurt sometimes look for ways to strike back, especially at those that stick around to do it. Many of our spouses are "not safe" so we misinterpret this place as a safe place.

Something I have learned, and this is not really negative, is that there really is no safe place to completely let go and do whatever we want. We always need to be considerate of others and their feelings. We can open up, to an extent, but there is a limitation as to what can be shared without the possibility of being hurt again. For some, there are those that have such thick skin, they will allow themselves to be open to others and shrug off attacks. While others, have very thin skin (and that is not a criticism, just an observation) and really are hurt by comments or direct attacks.

So when your H was attacked, it wasn't really him that people were attacking, it was an attack on that spouse that has hurt us so deeply. He was a scapegoat. I am sorry BFM. Please tell FW I am proud of him (and you) for being a real man and listening to the big guy upstairs.

[butterflymom]

Thanks MMF,

FW always held you in highest regard and truly appreciated your help and guidance as a Christian man. I'm sure he would love to hear from you sometime via email if you ever get a chance. You are one of the few on here that he really felt supported by. Thanks for that.

He wasn't so much hurt by the attacks (he has very thick skin) as that he felt it wasn't helping him any to stick around. He came here to be helped as much (if not more so) as he did to help others and the attacks weren't constructive in anyway to him. He felt that they were attacks just for the sake of attacks with no real help attached to them. He just felt it was pointless to be here if he wasn't getting any real help.

BFM

[mymonkeybug]

I had to stop reading, some of the less than flattering posts to your H's thread actually hurt. Yes there will be people who judge, hell my H said that was a HUGE problem of mine. I have since realized and that is one of my 180's...STOP judging since I am not God.

Now I wish you 2 the very best and I appreciate his willingness to come forward and yours as well. Your family is so very worth the hard work, all our families are.

[short1]

BFM and FW, You were both so kind to post your life here. I am sorry FW did not feel safe here. His insight was very helpful. I think to invite MLCers here it would have to be a no anger zone.

Many LBS have anger, I know I still have to watch it. But just having anger is not an excuse to lash out.

I am glad to hear you are both doing well.

[forward]

I received some insight from the friend of a friend. Described that he felt as if he was in a box and did not realize that the box was of his own making. Said he constructed a separate fantasy world to avoid being in the real one.

I asked what, if anything, would have helped, and there wasn't really anything, that he said.

W said that she was ready to leave but things are back on track. That said, things changed when the A came to light--wasn't as if it dragged on slowly as it has for so many of us here.

[JAK58]

BFM,

I read your H's posts on this board and he was a big help to me as far as seing what my H was going thru. Im sorry that some felt the need to be so critical of him as he was truly a life line for many that want the insite into the mind of a MLCer in general terms.

Maybe I'll have to e-mail.

You two were truly inspiring!!!!

Best wishes
JAK