I have a success story, but it isn't posted under success. My last thread is still under "Piecing". H walked out on me in September '07. September and October were complete he11, but with the help of DR (I don't know how many times I read and reread it), a good IC and persistence, H and I are back together. It was once I came to terms with my own role in our situation that I was able to get a grip on my life. I quit blaming H for everything. I quit trying to analyze him and figure out what went wrong with him and started looking at me. It allowed me to see things in a different light. It was a freeing experience. I'm very Type A and a control freak. Seeing the "truth" of our situation allowed me to back off and let go. I saw things from his perspective for the first time.
Following important steps in DR helped. I backed off. I quit calling and emailing and otherwise "pestering" him. I tried to avoid getting sucked into fights (he still got me on a few). I started self-analyzing and came to some startling conclusions about myself and decided I really wanted to make some changes, whether we got back together or not. Once I came to these conclusions I sought out his friendship.
This was amazing and I was one of the lucky ones. We met twice - first for coffee and to talk as friends, not about us. The next meeting he asked to come back and work on us. I tried to keep my composure. There was lots of crying and spilling of all kinds of emotional baggage. We stayed physically separated for the next couple of months and "dated." We talked on the phone almost every night. We had some good conversations about us and how we both could change. We also had some light friendly talks about nothing in particular and rediscovered each other.
In December we both took some time off from work and spent the week together. He asked if he could move back in. I agreed, but didn't pressure as to when. He still had an obligation to the friend he was renting from and had to give him notice. So over the past two months he's been slowly moving his stuff back in. I think it's almost all back. I've called my attorney and closed my case. H and I have discussed how we want to handle finances and other important things in our lives - how do we want to change, what do we want to keep the same. I do occassional touchbases to see how he's doing. We're doing great and we're on the right path.
I would call us a success, and a very recent one at that.
Torchbearer
JJ
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