What feelings/thoughts do each of the following words invoke in you? What would the associated body language look like? What would associated conversations sound and feel like?
Maybe you need to go dark, use the LRT.
Maybe your 'darkness' still involves communication....which of these thoughts should you keep in mind?
Fixer is going to be my solution buddies, he said something about asking you for a thread so we can talk?????
Michael
m 12 years both, second marriage,she has 2 boys 26 & 20 Youngest has been an issue this past year w/ drugs, drinking and stealing from us, both Wife has not forgiven me for past issues I have forgiven wife though for hers She can't get past them. Please
I'd say at this moment of the morning I feel a bit down...Not sure how to describe, sometimes an interaction leaves me this way
However, when I interact with her or just as important family/people she knows, I am always in a cheerful, happy, calm, confident mood...simultaneously listening more and talking less.
If anyone is a speck like me, you need to be careful that your limited time doesn't make your mind race and thus the interaction becomes chaotic.
I also think that at any given time, one would feel a lot of those. For me, it's all about working on being positive, and thus generally I am cheerful, happy, confident, unavailable(to everyone but WAW),
Nothing works better than the LRT. Nothing. When you stop caring, or seeming to care, their ego gets caught up. Maybe not their hearts, but definently their ego. I remember clearly even in the early stages of the LRT she called me critisizing me for not chasing enough. Incredible huh?
Me: 47 Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.
Divorce final 12/07/07 No Kids
It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
Well with 5D involved, I get some contact...working to make each contact as positive as possible, just be the new me, and don't backslide...she sees it, consistency and patience. She knows I care. Maybe that plays a little against me...for me...who knows...just do what is right and be the new me.
I've decided to go dark as of midnight tonight. I have to be strong and not backslide. I have a D6 so we will still have contact. I just won't be initiating any of it
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I have been doing this LTR but no contact is almost impossible do to my thinks still in the house and other things I have to do there. It had been weeks and she had made a few contacts on her own but seems to be just more action in leaving. I don't engage anything till she does, I know she is seeing people but is also having trouble there. I did try to do something that I know she wants taking the kids to church it did work she said yes. We couldn't go because of work but called me back to say she couldn't go and was being more talkative then before and asked if I was still on a dating service? I kept cool and she seemed to want to say more but I said I had to go. So I don't know if this is a backslide but maybe not, she text me over the next weekend at 1:00 in the morning to tell me she had won 4th place in a poker tournament and said hope your well.. I don’t know why she would do this. I think she may have went with a date but not sure, why see would be so eager to tell me this when she got home. I resounded with just basic good feelings. The next day I had to contact her about stopping at the house and she was not quick to respond and didn’t answer her phone just text but was really ok with it. I was in NC but her asking personal questions about what I’m up to about dating has me wondering. I know she really wanted to go to church but I don’t know if I should try that again. Or go back to NC
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
I have been dim (text message once per day to check on D(1) ) for about a week. W's text message replies are becoming more wordy, she added a smiley face onto the one today, and she initiated a text message this morning to ask me to pay for half a co-pay for D(1)'s bill. I didn't reply - but am going to write her a check.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I've had a mutual friend of ours tell both me and my W to essentially go dark. If she is holding back also, what does this do to the going dark technique? Will it still be effective?
Not sure if you are still on this forum-I am curious that you wrote the WAS comes to the LBS after the split/separation/D, that their their ego "takes over".
Think it has just started to happen with my H. He seems shaky though. May be thinking of comming home, but affraid of what a mess he has made. My current thread is in "Affairs and Jealousy."
I'm lost on doing LRT while she's still living in the house with me. She already feels like I don't want her in the house and she's working on moving out...but she wants the "old me" back.
So if she wants the "old me" which requires doing 180's from my current behavior and includes doing nice things for her, how do I do LRT? I get not saying ILY and not buying flowers, but does it just mean I act like I don't care if she leaves? Just keep being nice and helpful around the house and upbeat around her?
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
I would like to suggest that you speak to a DB coach as soon as possible, they are experts at the Last Resort Techniques and all of the other solutions that will help you come up with a plan on how to go forward, that is most likely to bring your partner closer and not push further away. There is a $30 off offer now and I know you would be very relieved after you talk to a coach and have plan that could make all the difference in saving your marriage. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I get the feeling that my W is loving my LRT. I am not hassling her, asking her what she is up to, she no feels no " pressure to have sex with me" which is something she says she used to feel when i was at home.
She is free to come and go and do whatever she likes when I have the kids.She is going to the gym, catching up with friends and seems to be getting on with life. We seperated 4 months ago and she BD 4 weeks ago. She took off her ring 2 weeks ago... We see each other 1-2 weeks for the kids etc, but no conversation initiated between us other than stuff to do with the kids.
I think she is getting much more out of the LRT than I am. She really doesnt want me around.I wonder is she is LRT on me??
I wonder if LRT is actually applicable in my case, it seems to make her happier.
Me - 37 W - 37 M -5 T - 15
S=5 S=3
Seperated - 12/12 BD - 20/03/13 Still seperated - no R or M talk yet.
