Just checking in. Not much new to report other than I bowled a 150 the other night after not bowling for 15 years. There were bumpers on either side, but how much does that matter really
Let's see ... since W said last wednesday that she felt relieved and good we were going to D, and that she'd give me time and space until the end of the month, she's emailed me 3 times and stopped by the house once. She always had a good reason for each thing, of course, so I don't make it for anything more than it was (except her emailing to tell me she has music I would like). Just wonder what her definition of giving me space is. I made sure I wasn't here when she stopped by - let her wonder what I was out doing.
Plan on doing more of the same. At the end of next week I leave on a 4 day trip, so that'll be a nice break. After I get back is when she wants to make up an agreement and file. Not looking forward to that at all - wish it didn't feel like a death sentence. I really don't want to D, because I really do love my W. I know I'll move on and find happiness elsewhere - it's just that being happy with a companion again seems so very far away.
Just updating. Had a consultation with a L today. Pretty nice guy. Agreed our D was easy - could do it ourselves. Asked why we were getting D and when I told him, he said - Boy I've seen this a thousand times. She knows in 6 months OM's sh*t is going to stink too, right?
I hate hearing that, though, because it jerks me right back into that "there's hope if I'm just patient" space and I need to get away from that. I'm focusing on myself and what I want in a relationship and right now W isn't giving that.
Met with IC the other day and had a great session. Don't want to accept what's going on, but this is what I've got right now so might as well make the best of it and make sure I come out okay on the other side. Detachment doesn't mean being nasty - it means preserving your own emotional space so you don't get hurt.
Just found out I get to go to Hawaii in May - woohoo, never been before! Will have to do a little work, but will have at least 3.5 days to play. Can't complain about that!
For a guy going thru what you are you are sounding pretty good!
Quote:
Don't want to accept what's going on, but this is what I've got right now so might as well make the best of it and make sure I come out okay on the other side. Detachment doesn't mean being nasty - it means preserving your own emotional space so you don't get hurt.
Good to remember this. It's a business deal now so take the emotions out of the deal.
Hawaii in May sounds very warm, sunny, and sweaty and women dressed in little swim suits. Are you SURE you want to do that?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I asked for time and space to get used to the idea that we're D. Said I'd be willing to figure out a D agreement at the end of the month.
Last week, W emailed me 3 times and stopped by once. This week I've received 4 packages for her. Why is she ordering things and having them sent to our house rather than where she lives?! The latest was a fedex that required a live person to sign. So I sent an email giving her the tracking number and phone number to make other delivery arrangements. Did she say thank you? No. Did she say she appreciated me notifying her rather than allowing the package to be sent back? No. Did she say anything at all? No.
I don't get it. If I had moved, I would have packages sent to my NEW address, not my OLD address.
Glad that you are doing alright and that your L is a nice guy. I am sure it is difficult to detatch when she is sending packages to your home! What is the deal with that? Maybe she isn't totally ready for everything D means.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Don't know what the deal is - maybe she still hasn't accepted that she is living someplace else? I'm sure she hasn't thought at all about what D means - she's too focused on her PhD and how great it will be when she can be with OM unencumbered, the two of them working side by side for the rest of their lives.
Blech. Who wants to spend your life with someone who does the exact same thing?
maybe she still hasn't accepted that she is living someplace else
Dealing with this here too. He hasn't done a thing to 'move out' other than take a few clothes and sleep there. Everything else is still at the old house (which he has pointed out he will not be calling 'home' anymore, goober). I don't think he knows how much D will really effect all of us, I really don't. I am gently nudging him...little reality checks here and there. Who knows if it will help..
thanks for the support. I don't understand these WAS who never really move out. I guess it's a form of cake-eating, but I'd want to have my stuff WITH me. My W left the suitcase she always travels with - why, so she has an excuse to come back and get it?
I was thinking today of the men my W has been involved with (before I met her). Realized that she always ended up with "mentor" types and was never really able to sustain those relationships, which is why I was her first serious relationship. Current OM is definitely in the mentor category. Just putting my mind to productive use while running ... Of course I'd love to just have a run when I feel good to be outside and don't think about M/R or W at all!
