Yeah, I find these days when I am not working to be the worse! When you have a set routine, it makes things so much easier because you can focus on that and not what is going on at home. When I really feel down and alone on days like this, I take a nap. That helps me.
I also am home from work (I teach and get this day off) and I have IC tomorrow as well (my 2nd session). I am trying to get the laundry done and the house looking somewhat nice. It is easy when you feel like your life is falling apart to have everything else go to the wayside.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I have a serious question. I have bought a piece of property by my mother's house. It is 3/4 acre, and I got it for a pretty good price. I am planning to build a small house on the property for the kids and me. H knows about it, and has agreed that if we do divorce I will get that house and he will get the one I am currently living in. Is this a wise move? I know he won't try to screw me over in the settlement. That isn't what I am asking about. I mean is it a good idea for me to be making steps in that direction? Is this too much of an indication that the D is OK with me? That worries me. I let him know my concerns about the land last week when I asked him to slow down the process. He said not to worry about it. If we do end up back together we will just clear the land and sell it. We would probably make a profit. I am still unsure about it though. On the one hand I want to be prepared to take care of my kids. I don't want to raise them in an apartment complex or a trailer park. On the other hand I am still really afraid that it is a clear sign to him to go forward with the D. Any advice?
OK he just called. I did VERY good. He just had a quick financial question. I answered it quickly. He asked how the kids' Easter was. I told him it was great. He talked to the kids briefly, and then talked to me again. I told him I was right in the middle of dinner and that I had to let him go. That was it. No R talk...no tears...just chit chat.
OK so that call last night went downhill pretty quickly. S4 asked if he could call and tell Daddy goodnight. So I let him call. I didn't get on the phone at all. S4 got REALLY upset on the phone the second time. It was heart wrenching. I am a child of divorce, so I know what he is going through. I'm just not sure H gets it. He was bawling and begging H to come home. Asking him why he didn't want to live here anymore. Telling him that he missed him ALOT. It was so sad. I just sat and held S4 for a while after he got off the phone. I then asked if he wanted to talk about it, and he did. He asked basically the same questions he asked H, only I actually answered them instead of changing the subject. The only question I had a hard time with was this....
S4: Daddy is moving to a new house, right? Me: That's right. S4: Why is he doing that? Me: Daddy just needs some time away from Mommy right now. He isn't moving away from you. You will still see him TONS. S4: How much time does he need to live in the new house? Me: I don't know, sweetie. S4: Mommy, is Daddy EVER coming home? Me: I really don't know.
I wish I could have told him that Daddy would be home in 6 weeks, but it just isn't looking that way.
I called H today to talk to him about it. I told him that I thought S4 needed a little extra Daddy time. I thought maybe he could see the kids tonight. I left it to him how he wanted to handle it. He said he would come by the house and spend some time with them tonight. I said that would be fine. We also decided to switch up our visitation schedule from every other weekend and Wednesdays with H to every other WE and alternating Tues. and Thurs. with H. That way the kids don't go any longer than 4 days without seeing H, and they go no more than 3 days without seeing me.
I will try to keep my PMA while H is there this afternoon. I think it is a good thing that he suggested seeing them at the house. That means he isn't opposed to seeing me in a family setting. This is an improvement. Wish me luck!
H came over last night to spend some time with the kids. He was pleasant but withdrawn from me. I let him have his time with the kids while I piddled around the house. I cooked dinner and let him eat with the kids. I wasn't hungry so I cleaned the kitchen while they visited. He asked S4 if he had any questions for him. It was sad because S4 said he didn't want to talk to him about that stuff. H looked confused, so I told him I would talk with him before he left about it.
At the end of his visit I walked him out. We sat and talked for a few minutes about the kids. I told him that one of the problems in our marriage was his lack of communication, and that S4 knows that he is not comfortable talking about serious stuff. I don't think he wants to upset his dad with his feelings. I told H that it was fine with me if S4 only talked to me about it. I would rather him be talking to me than no one, KWIM? I told him that S4 had asked some tough questions like "Is Daddy ever coming home", and that I told him I didn't know. H said he didn't know either, but that I did good to answer the best I could.
After our convo I gave him some work clothes that I knew he needed. I had washed and folded them for him. He was appreciative. He told me goodbye and left. He DID ask me how I was doing though, so that was one of my little goals. I told him I was doing good. I think I did pretty good over the whole event. I didn't get upset, and I tried to stay upbeat and happy. I mainly focused on the kids and interacting as a family. Did I do OK? What do you guys think?
It sounds like you handled yourself very well! Keep up the great work. I bet he left there wondering what was going on with you. Now just keep doing that and eventually you should see some small differences in him.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
He did keep looking at me funny. Like WTH is she doing? We even laughed a little at some of the things the kids were doing. You could see his eyes when that would happen. He looked like for a split second he was remembering how things were. It was kinda nice.
I think you're doing so well! Just remember that it might take a while for him to "come around". I know its hard not to want things to move quickly but our Hs need their time. To us it might seem downright nuts but if your H is like mine he'll appreciate the space you give him.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
We just discussed temporary child support. We had to get our financial stuff in order for this separation. I hated doing it, but I didn't get emotional at all. He is being VERY generous right now regarding support. I hate doing things in the D direction (like discussing support), but it had to be done.
