Just updating. MIL called - it was actually really good to talk to her. However, at one point I said I was ready to move on and hoped W and OM would be happy together. MIL asked, Who's OM?
I apologized, said W had told me that MIL knew, and we moved on. But why would W lie about something like that? MIL was floored and upset, so I believe her that she didn't know. Maybe I misunderstood W about who knew, but I'm 99% positive she said MIL knew. Anyway, it's not my job to keep track of who does and doesn't know about the A. Another thing, W asked me a couple of days ago if it was okay if MIL called me. If she knew MIL didn't know, why wouldn't she have said something? Or just told MIL I didn't want to talk. Is this her way of getting me to do the dirty work of letting people know?
Anyway, started looking at rental places. Depressing to think of moving again, but it will be good to set up my own place the way I want to set it up. Rent prices are out of control, but won't be that different from the mortgage I'm currently paying. I should look at something cheaper, but most of those places have been sh*tholes and I need to be in a nice spot right now.
No real reason to post other than I don't feel like going to sleep.
W came by yesterday before leaving for trip. I hate the way she just walks into the house without calling first or even knocking before enteriing, but since she's still paying half the mortgage and I'm going to be out of here soon, no use getting into an argument over it.
Anyway, she sort of drifted around while I kept working. She's leaving for a week, why does she have to drift around the house? Probably just anxious for me to be out so she can move back in. Anyway, she kept trying to engage me in conversation, all about herself of course, but I didn't feel too much like talking. Was polite of course, but didn't feel like stoking her ego.
Have been pretty good lately but crashed last night. Had to go walk around to clear my head. Good again today. I guess this is what the beginning of real detachment feels like.
Got a call back on a rental I really hope I get. I'm just ready to be in my own space and to set up my own life. I'll be paying too much, but I can swing it for a year and see how it goes. Just don't think I'm ready to try and buy a place right now.
Glad you had a fun trip! I didn't get the rental I wanted. I've seen so many now my head is starting to swim. I'm really ready to be out the house and setting up my own life.
Have been incredibly down this week. Haven't exercised. Haven't done anything. I guess it's just having to explain my sitch over and over everytime I look at rentals - have to explain why mortgage is on my credit report. Are divorcing men considered good renters or poor ones?
Who knows what my W was thinking. Actually, she just wasn't thinking, but I'm floored that she didn't tell her mother. They're very close and talk often. My W had told me how many times she's cried on MIL's shoulder. How could she not mention this one little item - the OM? Oh well, not my deal.
Journaling. Just found out I got the rental I was hoping for!
The place is great - way way way too much money to be spending on a rental, but I'm willing to pay more so I don't have to go back to apartment living. It's open, bright, and great for entertaining, so it'll be good for my PMA
I still seem to be having ups and downs, but I can feel myself detach in what will ultimately be a healthy way. My W is on her own journey. I love her very much and am willing to do a lot of work to make our M into something that supports us both, but if she won't even come to the table to discuss and is bent on D as fast as possible, I need to start looking out for myself to make sure I make it through this okay. I've been slipping lately, so it's time to pick myself back up.
Actually I was thinking today that this will be really helpful. I've been going a little crazy in the house some nights, being surrounded by all the things from our life together. Sure I'll be taking some of it with me, but I'll be starting clean and setting up things the way I want.
W on the other hand will be in the house with half the stuff gone - I'm sure she'll fix it up, but the empty space will be hard to fill.
Congrats on your new place!!! Karen