My Thread locked again. Does anyone know how to attached all my threads to this message.
Well all has been quite quit. I have to make myself understand that this is not my problem and there is nothing I can do about it. The children are my only concern and I am starting to get very concerned about them. Right now she is just my roommate and I am ignoring her antics.
I must have a good attitude for the kids need one adult parent.
I must stick with your chosen course and be strong. Never falter.
We are great people that are going through a very tough time.
Your thread locking at this time reinforces my belief that these threads lock when a change occurs in our sitches. Spooky, aint it?
I am very impressed with your mental attiude as reflected in the above post. It appears you have found your path. If, no when you become discouraged you might want to return to this post and read it again to help you stay on course.
The words you have written exude truth and strength. What more could you need?
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I'm getting caught up while on the road. Sorry to hear about the latest turn of events, but be strong for your kids and yourself. It's a world of hurt you are going through and your story is so similar to the stories of many people here.
If you love her, let her go. When we love, we want to help others become the best person they can be; we want them to be happy. She thinks she knows what will make her happy; maybe it will, but I'm guessing she'll learn one day it won't. That's just a guess, however. If you let her go, you will be respecting her wishes and not acting out of your own neediness. She may come back. She may not. You might be there when she comes back, you might not. You cannot predict your feelings in the future, and you cannot predict hers. Go with the flow, and focus on what you can control--what you are doing and feeling right here and now. You are still guided by her actions, too tied to wondering what she is feeling or what will happen if X occurs.
I suggested Susan Anderson's work to Purr; you might give her books a look. She deals specifically with people going through abandonment fears. They have helped me.
Be strong for yourself and your kids, one day at a time.
Hi Tree! Thinking of you as you go through this hard time and the future seems so uncertain.
I hear what you are saying about the Dobson letter. I'd say write it, but dont give it to her yet. Wait at least 2 weeks (if not longer) and then re-read it. You will be suprised at how much your ideas will have changed in 2 weeks. I too wrote the Dobson letter, but I'm so glad I never sent it! It actually makes me shudder a bit to think what H would have thought if he got it, cause its no longer a reflection of how I think about him, separation or our marriage. I think the Dobson letter is a stage in this process, but its not effective as GAL and doing some 180's and concentrating on you!!
You know that you are still searching for an answer to 'fix' the relationship hey?
If you love her and want to set her free one of the worst ways of doing it is to tell her (e.g. the Dobson letter) the best way is to show her through your actions.
Well siad Essie...Hey I missed you. Have not heard from you in a while. I think this idea about the Dobson letter is a good one.
How are you? I just read your post on being clingy. My thoughts are that this DBing is great stuff but you have to taylor make it for your situation. Do what is in your gut with DBing in the background.
Wow, that must not have been easy to deal with. Things get really tough when kids are involved. Listen, she is clearly struggling with a lot of stuff inside and so much so that it is hard even for her to see it I think. Your post earlier was admirable in being able to look at this not from a good person / bad person perspective. I think you want to separate judging behavior from the person whenever possible, though sometimes it ain't easy.
Listen, what's your plan for some good self care things for you, The Tree, this weekend? Sometimes, I don't hear as much on what good things you are doing for you and I want good things for you! So post us what your thoughts are on this.
My thoughts are that this DBing is great stuff but you have to taylor make it for your situation. Do what is in your gut with DBing in the background.
I think I would go the other way on this. A lot of DBing goes against what your gut may say. I think have a better chance by following DB principles, and with your gut in the background, to break ties. It seems to me that more often than not when someone says, "DB says this, but my sitch is different", they live to regret it. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule.
