Sorry to hear about the incident in front of your son. Has she ever done something like that before? How has your son responded to it? Does he need to get some professional help? 12 is a tender age to see these types of things and go through the trauma of loss. If he doesn't work through this in a healthy way, his future relationships might be scarred. I don't say this to scare you, but rather as a result of reading Susan Anderson's work on abandonment. Children who have been abandoned, through death or divorce, can find ways to cope that help in the short run but hurt them as adults.
I hope today is better for everyone, your wife included. It's hard to have compassion for them at times like this, but I believe we must do so. Anger, vengeance,etc. are not the answer.
I agree with all above. He may be at the point where he needs some help. I asked my son 15 if he would loike C and he said no. I think they all need it. What it comes down to is when she comes home drunk she gets nasty and just wants to fight. She doesn't care who is there.
I feel really bad for her and I did not get angry at all but just asked her to leave my room. She would not leave and wanted to continue. I had to ask her 4 times to leave.
I asked my son 15 if he would loike C and he said no. I think they all need it.
Ummm, he's a teenager so I'd be surprised if he did want to talk to a C. There may come a time when you have to override what they want. I know how hard that decision can be. I told my D15 she may have to go to a C. Heck, I have
Quote:
girls
and they aren't talking about it much so I think I know it's weighing on them. Problem is, I could be projecting. D15 says she just knows it's going to be ok (not necessarily that H and I will reconcile). Is he talking to you about how he feels and what he thinks?
S15 an I talked last night. He said he heard Mom talking on the phone about L and splitting up assets. He was upset. He said we didn't feel like a family anymore cause Mom is never around. He is afraid that we will not be a family anymore if we split up. I told him our family will be better and stronger. He said he liked it the way it was now and if Momand I split she and I will no longer be family. I told him we will all always be family but it will be a little different.
She came home very drunk last night at 11PM looking for a fight which she did not get. She did push me a few times and made a complete fool out of herself in front of my S12. My S15 needed a ride home and she said she was drinking to much to drive and then tried to say she was not drunk. I could hardly understand what she was saying. She woke this AM and told me that I abused her in front of S12. I have no idea what she was talking about. we call need C. No doubt about it.
Purr: GALing, I went out last night for a nice dinner and great conversation with friends and then watched some basketball. Today S12 had soccer this morn, BTW this is fun for me, I love to watch him and I played soccer all thre HS and College. Later today he has a Lax game which I also love. Our lax team is very close so we willprobabily go out after for pizza. My favorate thing to do is hang with my kids. Unfortunitly I have one that is 15 and one 18 who kinda do there own thing like work and hang with friends so I don't get as much time with them as I would like.
She came home very drunk last night at 11PM looking for a fight which she did not get. She did push me a few times and made a complete fool out of herself in front of my S12. My S15 needed a ride home and she said she was drinking to much to drive and then tried to say she was not drunk. I could hardly understand what she was saying. She woke this AM and told me that I abused her in front of S12. I have no idea what she was talking about (and I don't drink or anything). we all need C. No doubt about it.
All I can say is I really feel for you, your kids, and yes, even your W. You really sound like you are holding up well, and I congratulate you for navigating these perilous waters so successfully. Keep being strong for your kids. I think Grace is onto something--kids that age aren't likely to volunteer to see a counselor, and if I may stereotype a bit, boys especially aren't likely to do so. Still, you are right to think about forcing them to see a C.
Stay strong and keep up with your detachment and GAL.
Thanks B. Welcome back I hope you trip was good. All these things are so hard but I firmly believe I was given this cross to bare because I am so strong and I need to learn something from it. Life lesson or something like that. I have come a long way but I feel I have much further to go.
Quite night tonight. Went to dinner after S12 lax game with W and team mates. It was fun. Very little exchange between W and I. She drank amny beers and said she was dropping a friend off but has not shown up back at the house yet. No big deal. S12c is really starting to act out. Don't know what to do. W gets very mean when she is drunk so I am not looking forward to when she gets home.
She came home bombed again. Started talikng very load on the phone and woke the whole house up. I smple asked her to lower her voive and she started yelling and cursing at me. i went to bed very quitely.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Mine acted out once big time in front of children and it wasn't pretty, had impact on both of them. I can only imagine what you're going through.
If I may give a little advice:
My W was physically abusive 3 times, once I stood and let her beat on me, offered no resistance. Frankly I was dumbfounded at the event and didn't know what to do. The next day I decided to file a police report and had plenty of evidence in the form of brusies on my body and text messages from her corraborating what she had done. I later learned from my L that it would have no bearing on custody issues because she wasn't arrested. Police report/pics of me and all.
If your W is ever physically abusive HAVE HER ARRESTED! If she is DUI and you can pull it off HAVE HER ARRESTED! It's hard to say you weren't drunk when the breathalizer says you were. This could aid you in getting her out of the house and obtaining full custody of your kids. It's not emotionally easy to do, but do it for your kids if not for yourself and even for your w's safety/good.
If doing the right thing was easy, everyone would do the right thing all the time.
Last edited by sleeper; 03/30/0802:24 PM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
