Hey Gyspy, Sorry about your upcoming anniversary. Mine is 5/1. I wonder what H will think about that day.
I am congested today and when I spoke with H on the phone, he was immediately defensive, thinking I had been crying. Your H, like mine, has no room in their lives for our pain, our betrayal, and our confusion. Its an annoyance to them.
You definitely deserve that day of beauty. I'm so proud of you and in awe of your strength. I wish I could be as strong as you are emotionally. Today I feel... alone. And it frightens me. I wish you weren't so far away so I could take a walk with you. In my mind I'm sitting on your love log and my arms are wrapped around you. Hope all is well with your family visit. Your brother sounds as wise as you.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I am officially lost. I have no clue about what the reality of my marriage is/was.
From outside looking in, I'm told that
- my husband checked out years ago, through his frustration with my actions.
- he loved me as deeply as he could given his own emotional limitations.
- based on the type of person he is, once he makes up his mind, he won't change it because of his pride.
- this divorce he is so passionately pursuing is a business project he is dedicated to complete.
- him being nice to me was the exception rather than the rule.
When I think about our marriage I know he
- saved my life
- wanted to know the "me" inside like no other
- didn't want to need me, and pushed away
- had great compassion, integrity and drive
- withdrew emotionally and physically when things were difficult for him
- was extremely frustrated with my shortcomings as a housekeeper from missing socks to messy rooms
- eventually just worked and played golf with minimal family interaction
When I think of our marriage I know I
- gave up when I realized nothing I did could ever please him
- zoned out on computer games etc
- was focused on the children
- felt connected to him to the very core.
I'm thinking of a thread SG posted with Brand New? who ticked off all the things to ask yourself when your marriage is bleak.
Is it that easy...
care about your appearance lose weight find yourself again be appealing
I guess it's a choice between hopelessness and hoping.
He's living with another woman now, the kids don't know. He only admitted it to me after a contempt motion was filed. His address is still a secret to all.
Gypsy, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you today. I know it can't be easy. Please be good to yourself today.
Much love, ISH
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
The 25th anniversary of the marriage was far different then I ever imagined.
The silver lining is... I accepted what I don't have, and embrace what I do have.
A spouse respects, loves, protects, is the cheerleader in the corner, best friend, someone you can trust or turn to in a time of need... a husband, a wife.
Based on his actions, I no longer have a husband. Since he no longer holds that cherished position, I do not give away the beauty of being a wife, someone who does for the sake of doing, based on love and respect.
No one is perfect, everyone is flawed.
In the end, I am blessed with three incredible children, memories of a time of love and trust, supportive family and friends and..
a new beginning based on respect, love and trust in and for myself radiating to those around me.
