PS.. I've heard of gypsy moths.. are there gypsy butterflies now? [/quote
] Gypsy, Yes, and Butterfly, you're flying now !!!! Be Free, be at peace. You some of the truth and that is always best. <<<HUG>>> grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Ms. imp.. you are sweetness incarnate with a beautiful yearning expressive soul. The positive caring thoughts you write astound me and make me feel incredible.
With that said, ms missy.. I ain't goin' on that pedestal yer makin' fer me.. no way no how! It is a temptation, but nut 'uh.. mmm.. mmMM..MMm.. mmMM. Mm MMM Mmmmm.
Ya know what I'm doin' sweetheart? I'm lookin' at this column of love you share which is a beautiful thing. Now watch... I'm tippin' it over so that it's a surface we both share.. that 's available to others and you... kinda like a 'love log'.
Now, come sit by me and talk, feel the goodness you radiate. Do you know why you're drawn to me so strongly?
Something incredible happened yesterday at our daughter's confirmation. The family was there.. me, my husband, the kids, my two brothers. I got to the church first to get the location I liked and save seats. My husband arrived second and we chitchatted. When our sons came, I moved to the other end of the aisle to sit with my brother and have space. I later wondered if I should have stayed near my husband (possible DB opportunities to be close, etc) but then I figured, it wasn't about me that day, it was about my daughter, her time; it was about the kids and us all being together. That this first time with more than just us would be a baseline for all the future significant events in our children's lives.
When it came time for Communion, my husband stayed seated. Somewhere between getting in line for the sacrament and getting back in the row something changed in me. I wanted to sit next to my spouse. I felt it was important to be there. It wasn't a mad clanging bell going off, or some "I have to be me", "Do it for the children" response. The right place for me to be was next to him.
I had to walk all the way around, because I would have had to climb over six other people to get to where our part of the aisle started... and all my family was behind me. As I walked into the pew, I thought about letting my sons in first, but blew it off.. and just plunked by Kevin (not his name.. just tired of impersonal nouns. Kevin would have been my name if I was a boy).
I sat briefly as the kids.. my sons settled.. then remembered that we were supposed to kneel and pray. Oh my goodness I prayed.. it was like a song to the soul, initially just with words then thoughts.. then just openning.
If I think of the first part of the ceremony, lots of emotion and hurt define it, bittersweet memories, ironies. The second half of the mass, after Communion is a calm, almost unremembered, but very peaceful. What a beautiful gift I was given.. just a tranquil essence of being next to the father of my children during a significant event. Something in the moment. Being a family for that moment in time.
.. refer to "Kevin" as my husband, as Dad, as my spouse.. not impersonal initials or derogatory names. For me, WAS is a constant slap, reminding me that oopps.. he DID walk away. I mean really.. do I need to be reminded of that? Stop gonging yourself with the frying pan, Gypsy!
.. take parenting classes for couples in conflict. I'm halfway through the state mandated one for divorcing couples and what a godsend it's been! It gets the focus back on what's most important.. the health and well being of your children.
.. try not to dissect the relationship, "Kevin's" every action or word.. now and in the past. That's like scrubbing an open wound with an electric sander.
.. share and feel the emotions with those I trust and when they come up.
.. do it for ME.. cuz that's the only way to build a solid foundation.
Y'all are the best... give yourself a pat on the back and big ole hugs.
Ms. imp.. you are sweetness incarnate with a beautiful yearning expressive soul. The positive caring thoughts you write astound me and make me feel incredible.
With that said, ms missy.. I ain't goin' on that pedestal yer makin' fer me.. no way no how! It is a temptation, but nut 'uh.. mmm.. mmMM..MMm.. mmMM. Mm MMM Mmmmm.
Ya know what I'm doin' sweetheart? I'm lookin' at this column of love you share which is a beautiful thing. Now watch... I'm tippin' it over so that it's a surface we both share.. that 's available to others and you... kinda like a 'love log'.
Now, come sit by me and talk, feel the goodness you radiate. Do you know why you're drawn to me so strongly?
I'll wait for your reply.
*hugs*
Ahhh, the love log. I'm sittin' next to you and I do feel the goodness I radiate. Nice. But why am I drawn to you so strongly? Maybe I'm as incredible as I think you are? I dunno! Tell me!
Imagine me giving you big BIG hug now.
Good luck with your family. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
You are always most courteous! Your husband has such a loving and wonderful wife and he's not able to see it. The fact that you want to call him by a name, Kevin, instead of a letter speaks volumes!
It's tough Ms. Whey. I feel better than I have in years, with him gone. I have a space on my love log for him, but as far as he's concerned it's over. He's moved on, moved in with another woman, is not the man I knew.
My confusion and pain mean nothing to him. He's gone, he's on to newer and better things (in his eyes). So, that means I dust myself off, embrace living life without him. Perhaps cutting the cord makes all the difference... for me. He's the father of my children. He is my husband in name only, for the amount of time that remains. The 10th was to be our 25th anniversary. Neat number, hollow occasion. I think I'll give myself a day of beauty to embrace the ever changing me.
A new stanza for me:
Respect myself. Give respect to others. Embrace those who respect me.
