Dude, same here. I got the great Valentine/Anniversary card that said "I never realized how much I do love you" three months before she met OM on the internet. Now I am just a father figure to her and " I don't think I ever loved you. Maybe I was just looking for a father to my son". Whatever.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Yeah, without empathy it's kind of hard to connect with society. You're only focused on yourself and your own needs with no real appreciation for how those needs relate to the needs of others.
I'd like to chime in real quick here. My wife received a little present from one of her best friends last year (before the current affair started). It was a handbag that had "It's All About Me" on it.
Same for my W. My W says it is not the money, but her actions speak louder than her words. She is dressing like a whore, still driving OM's big Cadillac, living in OM's big home on the lake and planning an extravagant summer vacation to Maui.
She sure makes it easy for me to move on in my life.
"It's because waywards "compartmentalize." Their affair, which usually goes against the grain of their base system of morality (well, HOPEFULLY it does, anyway, otherwise we married the wrong person!)"
Sorry not really sure how to do the quote thing yet! Just wanted to add here since all of you are talking about W's My H must be their brother! The funny thing to me is the extravagant gifts he bought me for Christmas and the card was "I'm know I'm not perfect (in many detailed ways) but you are the best thing that ever happened to me." Blah blah blah. And then he says after the Bomb and OW are revealed hasn't loved me for at least 10 years!!!!!!!! The other point I'm trying to make is the EGO! I have never seen the kind of egos in that family. They really think they are above and beyond anyone or anything. So they are always right and superior. It was great when I was someone who was loved but the minute the attention is over they have no qualms justifying their behavior. SO maybe I did marry the wrong one!
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 S 16 D 9 Bomb 2/9/08 OW 2/29/08 Ended A 3/12/08 (LIAR)
I think I may have started a major slide. Sitting here amongst the boxes, the bare walls. After this weekend, W emailed me 4 times re: things she thought I'd be interested in. Why? I know it's her way of saying, "Friends still, right?" But we aren't. She's f*cked up big time and is going to lose one of the only people who has ever understood her. I'm not going to be pretentious - she's perfectly capable of surviving alone and I'm sure she can be with someone else long enough to establish an understanding relationship. Will that next person be willing to show the patience and understanding? Good question. That's her gamble, not mine. My path is to find someone with more empathy, and I think I'll have an easier time finding that than what she's trying to find.
Still no D papers. She said she'd contact me later in the week, which I'm assuming will be in re: to the joint account. I've made it clear that the business dealings have GOT to be handled. That and the mortgage. I'm starting to wonder if she'll split the joint, buy the house, and still drag her feet on the D. Then again, I can get papers tomorrow. Who knows and why should I worry.
I don't see a major slide in your post. I see some sad, hard reflecting that is totally normal unless you are a robot. I feel the same way about my H. He passes along the 'need' to be close friends with me...ummm...I have never had a friend that has treated/IS treating me this way.
Quote:
and I think I'll have an easier time finding that than what she's trying to find
Yes, you will. It'll be easier finding that person and staying happy because you worked on you. Your W is still running.
Maybe you need to remind her that with her leaving under these circumstances, the friendship is over. Maybe you don't respond to the emails. Just a thought. Pretty hard for me to give advise to someone right now. Again, I feel for you man. At least my WW is still home trying to be nice to me. Is it fake? Who knows. I have no idea if she is still talking to him or seeing him, but I will keep on doing what I've been doing. Keep thinking to myself, why do I want to be with someone who f****d around on me. I do not deserve that. We do not deserve that. Make her feel like good riddance. I know it is easier said than done.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Thanks lwb, you're right. I know I'll be okay. I have slid, but I'll pick myself back up. Always do. Ultimately, I've always had better relationship skills than her and that has served me well. I let people know they're appreciated and that energy comes back.
lodo
PS - I'm using bubble wrap and it's labeled "Eco-bubble". Is environment a branding term now? How the hell can bubble wrap be environmentally beneficial? Eco-bubble?!
Guess we cross-posted. You know, I feel for you too. After all the things I've been through, I've got to say that it's much easier dealing with stuff when you're separated and the W is willing to date than when you're living together and W is constantly watching.
Thanks for checking in and I'm watching you too, though I don't always comment. I'll be better after my move - 2 more weeks!
