H just called my office, and I didn't answer. Then he immediately called my cell, but I still didn't answer. Yay me!! I was tempted to text him to see if he needed anything, but I resisted temptation. I figure if he really needs something he can leave a message. My only concern is that he needs to talk to me about the kids, but like I said if he needs something he can leave a message.
Day 1 of going dark has gone OK so far. H called 4 times this afternoon (twice at my office and twice on my cell). I didn't answer the phone when he called. When I got home he had left a message at home too. (that is 5 total calls) D2 used to take dance on Tuesdays at 10am. H wanted to know if I would be able to take her to dance tomorrow since it is his day to have her. That was weird because he has had her twice before on Tuesdays and never even mentioned dance. I didn't want to call him, so I texted him that D2 was out of dance for the Summer. He just responded with "OK". I find it odd that he was concerned about the dance class when he hasn't been the past several weeks. Weird. Anyway, I felt pretty good about not answering the phone. It felt like I had some of my power back. Up until now, H has been holding all the cards. I have had very little leverage at all. I like feeling like I can be in control of something. For now that control is in DBing and going dark. It feels good.
Thanks Jen! I really think the dance class was just an excuse for him to call. We'll see if he calls tomorrow. If he is trying to talk to me, I know my silence is going to drive him crazy! :lol: His silence has definitely driven me a little crazy, and he has taken most of my calls. We'll see how it goes.
This may be a stupid question, but I am not sure on this. I am dark with H right now. Haven't spoken to him since Sunday. I know that is not a long time at all, but at what point to I start taking his calls? I know I am not at that point yet, but how will I know when it is time? I am not planning to call him at all unless I get some indication from him that he wants me to. When should I actually answer the phone?
I think I read somewhere here that it depends on the level of darkness. For me if I wasn't calling him then I'd only answer maybe every 3rd or 4th of his calls. That would make me comfortable. I think everyone is different though and I'd also be interested to see what others think.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm stressing out today. I had to go to one of our builders offices to pick up some plans and FIL said to go ahead and talk to them about building a house on the land I bought. Immediately my heart starting aching. I never wanted things to get this far. I just really feel like proceeding with the house building is a HUGE step for me away from H. We have been separated for less than 2 months. I am just torn with this decision. I know at some point I will have to make this step, but am I ready for that now? I jsut don't know.
Day 2 of going dark. No calls from H today. He will have the kids this afternoon so we shall see. I told FIL about the dance class calls from yesterday. He thinks it was an excise to call me. I was talking to him about my house fears as well. He said he really thinks we will get through this with our M intact. He just doesn't think H is ready to throw in the towel just yet.
Still no contact. I am pretty proud of myself. H came by the office this afternoon just as I was about to leave. I heard him pull up, and I knew he was helping his dad back the truck into its space. He usually comes in and says "hello" when he is at the office and I am there. I just quickly grabbed my stuff and left so he didn't have the chance. I just didn't feel like talking to him. I walked less than 20 feet from him. I pretended like I didn't see him and left. He has the kids tonight. He hasn't called today at all, but that is OK.
