Ready2Change (II) - Detached

[Ready2Change]

With W and kids gone for a few days, I am getting my clutter out of the house.

I rented a storage unit and started moving my things that I don't use frequently into it (recommended by several D'ed people).

[Gypsy]

Are those valuables?

[Ready2Change]

Are those valuables?

Some of it is. My Ski and my hunting gear. A lot of old paperwork that needs to be sorted. I keep the important paperwork in the house.

Last week, I moved out of master bedroom into my 10X10 office/storage room. I moved all the stuff that was stored in office into garage. No room in garage, so moved stuff to storage...

[Ready2Change]

Briefly talked to W, on phone. I did a 180 and told her to hake sure the kids get sunscreen (she always tell me this). She replied with "Any other parenting advise", so I rattled off about 3 or more 3 making it funny...

Anyway Goal! Wife gave me a "drawn out" Bye (like she used to) vs the short Bye I have gotten from her for the last10 weeks.

Baby steps!

Family gets back Tuesday night. cant wait to see the kids, and really want to see how W acts around me after being aways from me for 10 days.

[Ready2Change]

Excellent day today!

I talked to lawyer. My state is 50/50 joint custody (in 85% cases). My state is 50/50 property also. So I feel relieved on this if W continues on her path.

I saw the kids for first time in 5 days! Good to see them. The hugs/smiles/stories was very great!

W still distant. I helped bring bags in. (Got a thank you!) W asked for some computer help (I got a thank you for this also!) W also confirmed I was taking S7 to BB practice (and she made good eye contact during this brief discussion, but I take what I can get). Not too bad for about 45 minutes of contact.

180's: W left Jeep at MIL. I traded the SUV for the jeep so W could bring Kids home in SUV. (MIL lives 40 miles away...) I made sure SUV clean and full of gas. (I got a text saying thanks!)

180:I went and purchased bread/milk/eggs/fruit so there is food in house when they arrived home.

I made sure house was very clean before they arrived. I had 5 days to work on it.

I also Talked to SIL. She is very supported and has faith W will turn. But... she has not seen/talked to Alien W.

I would have to say this the best day so far since bomb, but still long way to go....

(I wish I didn't have to walk on eggshells with W....I know she is hurting and is holding in lots of resentment still)

[ernest88]

Excellent day today!

I talked to lawyer. My state is 50/50 joint custody (in 85% cases). My state is 50/50 property also. So I feel relieved on this if W continues on her path.

I saw the kids for first time in 5 days! Good to see them. The hugs/smiles/stories was very great!

W still distant. I helped bring bags in. (Got a thank you!) W asked for some computer help (I got a thank you for this also!) W also confirmed I was taking S7 to BB practice (and she made good eye contact during this brief discussion, but I take what I can get). Not too bad for about 45 minutes of contact.

180's: W left Jeep at MIL. I traded the SUV for the jeep so W could bring Kids home in SUV. (MIL lives 40 miles away...) I made sure SUV clean and full of gas. (I got a text saying thanks!)

180:I went and purchased bread/milk/eggs/fruit so there is food in house when they arrived home.

I made sure house was very clean before they arrived. I had 5 days to work on it.

I also Talked to SIL. She is very supported and has faith W will turn. But... she has not seen/talked to Alien W.

I would have to say this the best day so far since bomb, but still long way to go....

(I wish I didn't have to walk on eggshells with W....I know she is hurting and is holding in lots of resentment still)

Good job R2C..sounds like you covered all the bases for their arrival home..continue the good work. Things will get better.

[ping1]

R2C, glad to see you had a good day. One thing I want to point out to you, don't feel you have to walk on eggshells around your W. If you are doing this then your W is seeing it. You must act as if, don't worry about what she is thinking right now. Take control of your own actions and not worry about her actions. This will only get you in a better place.

Great job with all of the 180's you did.

[Ready2Change]

thanks guys!

..don't feel you have to walk on eggshells around your W....

I guess i really ment that I have to be very careful and not throw a shovel full of love on her. Just small teaspoons...

Hard to determine if my actions are teaspoons or shovel fulls...

[Ready2Change]

My next 180 is to just listen and validate W. (old me always argued my point-it always moves me farther from my goal).

[Ready2Change]

Today -> Good day.

Most interaction with W tonight was ok. She still distant. I actually received some longer eye contact. Not much conversation.

(We both now have separate bank accounts)
W has always taken care of all the bills. I have asked to be involved. She is reluctant, but she told me I need to start paying my CC bill. W wants me saving up to "get my own place" etc (from conversation in past). I will go to bank and get some historical records to help understand the cash flow...

A few new 180's. I left voice mail to W that I am bringing home dinner (W cooks most of time). I remembered several household things we needed, so I picked them up at store on way home. I went clothes shopping. Had a new outfit on today when I got home (Yellow Nike shirt, new Nike cap).

I got a haircut today. (only 2 weeks went by, old me waited months)

I helped coach S7 Base Ball team. Had a great time. Focusing on getting all the kids names remembered. Very enjoyable helping the kids learn new skills...

Read Pinocchio to kids tonight. D5 fell asleep in my arms. What a great feeling! S7 has my sarcastic personality (he was entertaining tonight)

Interesting: I was helping S9 with homework, and W actually looked me in the eye and questioned a statement I made about the year I was born. Not sure if I slipped or she heard me wrong. Not sure why she did it. She has mostly ignored me for the past 10 weeks. She is getting softer.

S7 was upset that FIL "forced" him to get a haircut. I calmly stated to W that the parents need to make these type of decisions. W spoke with her dad and let him know we need to make these decisions. We also told S7 that he will be included in making haircut decisions. (The in laws are very involved with the kids and We greatly appreciate their help. I think there are a lot of control issues that are going to be addressed during this difficult time)